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Inside the bullied brain

The alarming neuroscience of taunting

By Emily Anthes

In the wake of several tragedies that have made bullying a high-profile issue, it’s becoming clear that harassment by one’s peers is something more than just a rite of passage. Bullied kids are more likely to be depressed, anxious, and suicidal. They struggle in school — when they decide to show up at all. They are more likely to carry weapons, get in fights, and use drugs.

But when it comes to the actual harm bullying does, the picture grows murkier. The psychological torment that victims feel is real. But perhaps because many of us have experienced this sort of schoolyard cruelty and lived to tell the tale, peer harassment is still commonly written off as a “soft” form of abuse — one that leaves no obvious injuries and that most victims simply get over. It’s easy to imagine that, painful as bullying can be, all it hurts is our feelings.

A new wave of research into bullying’s effects, however, is now suggesting something more than that — that in fact, bullying can leave an indelible imprint on a teen’s brain at a time when it is still growing and developing. Being ostracized by one’s peers, it seems, can throw adolescent hormones even further out of whack, lead to reduced connectivity in the brain, and even sabotage the growth of new neurons.

These neurological scars, it turns out, closely resemble those borne by children who are physically and sexually abused in early childhood. Neuroscientists now know that the human brain continues to grow and change long after the first few years of life. By revealing the internal physiological damage that bullying can do, researchers are recasting it not as merely an unfortunate rite of passage but as a serious form of childhood trauma.

This change in perspective could have all sorts of ripple effects for parents, kids, and schools; it offers a new way to think about the pain suffered by ostracized kids, and could spur new antibullying policies. It offers the prospect that peer harassment, much like abuse and other traumatic experiences, may increasingly be seen as a medical problem — one that can be measured with brain scans, and which may yield to new kinds of clinical treatment.

During the first half of the 20th century, even severe child abuse was considered a largely psychological problem in its long-term effects, denting children emotionally in a way that made it hard for them to grow into happy adults.

Gradually, however, scientists began to look at the brains of adults who had been abused as children and realize that the damage wasn’t just emotional: Their brains had undergone telltale long-term changes. Over the past two decades, neuroscientists have marshaled plenty of evidence that serious physical and sexual abuse during early childhood can short-circuit normal brain development.

But what about cruelty that is emotional rather than physical? That that comes from peers instead of parents? And happens at school instead of at home, when children’s brains are no longer so young and malleable? In other words, what about bullying?

Martin Teicher, a neuroscientist at McLean Hospital in Belmont, has been examining just these kinds of scenarios. He began by studying the effects of being verbally abused by a parent. In his study of more than 1,000 young adults, Teicher found that verbal abuse could be as damaging to psychological functioning as the physical kind — that words were as hurtful as the famous sticks and stones. The finding sparked a new idea: “We decided to look at peer victimization,” he said.

So Teicher and his colleagues went back to their young adult subjects, focusing on those they had assumed were healthy in this respect — who’d had no history of abuse from their parents. The subjects, however, varied in how much verbal harassment — such as teasing, ridicule, criticism, screaming, and swearing — they had received from their peers.

What the scientists found was that kids who had been bullied reported more symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other psychiatric disorders than the kids who hadn’t. In fact, emotional abuse from peers turned out to be as damaging to mental health as emotional abuse from parents. “It’s a substantial early stressor,” Teicher said. The data were published in July in the American Journal of Psychiatry.

Things got even more interesting when Teicher decided to scan the brains of 63 of his young adult subjects. Those who reported having been mistreated by their peers had observable abnormalities in a part of the brain known as the corpus callosum — a thick bundle of fibers that connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain, and which is vital in visual processing, memory, and more. The neurons in their corpus callosums had less myelin, a coating that speeds communication between the cells — vital in an organ like the brain where milliseconds matter.

It’s not yet entirely clear what these changes in the corpus callosum may lead to, or whether they’re connected to the higher rates of depression that Teicher found in bullied kids. “There may be some subtle neurocognitive difficulties,” he said. “We’re currently doing research that will allow us to answer this question better.”

Teicher’s study is just one of a number of recent studies that have been finding troubling physical effects of even verbal bullying. For the past several years, Tracy Vaillancourt, a psychologist at the University of Ottawa, has been following a group of 12-year-olds, including some who had a history of being victimized by their peers, and assessing their functioning every six months. Among other things, she has discovered that being tormented by other kids can recalibrate children’s levels of cortisol, a hormone pumped out by the body during times of stress.

In a 2008 paper published in the journal Aggressive Behavior, Vaillancourt demonstrated that boys who are occasionally bullied have higher levels of cortisol than their peers. Bullied girls, meanwhile, seem to have abnormally low levels of the hormone. (It’s not entirely clear why that’s the case, but low cortisol levels are sometimes a sign of a body that has been so chronically stressed that it has learned to make less of the hormone.)

Vaillancourt speculates that cortisol may, in fact, underlie many of the adverse effects of bullying: It can weaken the functioning of the immune system, and at high levels can damage and even kill neurons in the hippocampus, potentially leading to memory problems that could make academics more difficult. Indeed, Vaillancourt has already found that teens who are bullied perform worse on tests of verbal memory than their peers. One of her next studies involves trying to get at this question directly: She will be putting some of her subjects — now ages 16 and 17 — into an MRI machine to look for evidence of damage to the hippocampus.

esearch on animals suggests that Vaillancourt might be onto something. To model the kind of psychosocial stress that accompanies bullying, Daniel A. Peterson, a neuroscientist at the Chicago Medical School, did a series of experiments in which he put a young, subordinate rat in a cage belonging to a much larger, older, more aggressive rat. The dominant rat — the king of this particular playground — promptly began to push the smaller one around. “We let it go to the point where there’s substantial physical contact, maybe a bite or two,” Peterson said. Then, the researchers would rescue the younger rat, removing him from the cage before he could be seriously injured.

As Peterson documented in a 2007 paper in the Journal of Neuroscience, just a single session of this kind of bullying was enough to leave a mark on the smaller rat’s brain. In particular, Peterson and his colleagues examined the rate of neurogenesis, or the birth of new brain cells, in that same all-important memory-maker: the hippocampus. The bullied rats still made new neurons at a normal rate, but there was a significant hiccup in the process — an unusually high percentage of the cells would die off before becoming fully mature.

It’s not yet clear how long these changes last. Peterson suspects that neuron survival returns to normal if the bullying is a single, isolated incident, as it was with his rats. But, he says, “I think if you had a more persistent stressor of this level, it could reset the thermostat so you’d have a lower level of neurogenesis going on.”

Research into the neurological effects of bullying is still preliminary, and animal models are not perfect replicas of human social behavior. But together, these early findings suggest that bullying, even the verbal kind, is more similar to physical and sexual abuse than we might like to admit. No longer can we draw a clear line between the two kinds of mistreatment — they can both produce the same kind of trauma.

There is still much that neuroscientists need to sort out, however. It remains difficult to thoroughly disentangle cause and effect: It’s possible, for instance, that kids with certain hormonal levels or brain characteristics are more likely, for whatever reason, to be bullied in the first place. And, encouragingly, changes in the brain don’t always translate into long-term damage: Indeed, some of the subjects who had what researchers suspect are bullying-related brain changes are now happy, healthy adults.

But the findings are certainly provocative, and they raise some serious questions about how we should think about bullying. Does being victimized have subtle effects on cognitive functioning that we haven’t even noticed yet? Might some kids be more likely to develop the neurological hallmarks of bullying? Now that we know that victims are undergoing profound physiological changes, are there medical interventions that would be as helpful, or more so, than counseling and therapy? Would demonstrating that bullying scars the brain make it easier to prosecute bullies in court?

Vaillancourt, for her part, sees another kind of value to the new neurobiological research: as a tool to change how bullying is seen by the public, as well as by educators who may be in a position to intervene. In the past, Vaillancourt has been frustrated that her studies on the emotional and psychological effects of bullying have not generated much attention. “When I show that something is biological, it makes headlines,” she said. “For some reason I think humans are more compelled to believe biological evidence than someone saying, ‘Oh I’m depressed. I don’t feel good about this.’ I’m hoping that that is a policy changer.”


Bullying isn’t just a normal rite of passage

By Kay Hocker

Teasing and taunting. “Four eyes!” “Thunder thighs!” “Fag!” Games of keep-away with your shoes. Shoving and tripping.

How many of us make it through school without a legacy of war stories to tell our grandchildren?

Bullying often seems to be an inevitable trial of growing up, like chicken pox or acne. If we just endure it, someday we’ll graduate to adulthood and it will all go away. In the meantime, toughen up. Dealing with graffiti on your locker will build character and teach you to overcome hardship.

But is bullying really inevitable? Should we accept it as a normal part of childhood? Should we look for the silver lining and tell our kids that the schoolyard scuffles make them stronger and train them to deal with conflict?

The Diversity Council’s reply is an emphatic “No.” Bullying is unequivocally unacceptable, and it’s the responsibility of every one of us to create a culture that makes that clear to our children.

Half of all children experience bullying at some point, and one in ten is bullied regularly. And the problem is growing as cyberbullying opens new frontiers. More than half of all teens admit to online bullying.

Cyberspace makes it all so much easier. Taunts can reach a much bigger audience, much faster. The bully is able to remain anonymous and do the cruel deeds in private. Bullies are also screened from the consequences of cruelty, unable to see the immediate pain in the victim’s face that might otherwise inhibit them.

As for making our kids stronger, research demonstrates the opposite. Children who have been bullied experience higher rates of sleeping difficulties, depression, headaches, stomach pains, and low self-esteem.

Academically, children pay a price too. The National Education Association estimates that 160,000 students miss school every day out of fear of bullying. A Rochester fourth-grader wrote about the problem of teasing at school: “People discriminate against people about their size and a lot more. I know it hurts me, it affects my grades, and I can’t think straight.”

Another student explained, “It feels like your locked in a cage, and the more teasing, the cage gets smaller and smaller.”

The perpetrators are not immune from the effects either. Bullies are at higher risk for depression, substance abuse, delinquency, and psychological problems.

And sadly, these consequences are only the beginning. Studies show that victims of bullies are between 2 and 9 times more likely to consider or attempt suicide. Participating in the act of bullying has also been linked to higher rates of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

The tragic side of bullying was brought home to Minnesotans in July of this year when Jason Aaberg, a 15-year-old student from the Anoka-Hennepin County School District, hanged himself in his bedroom. He had been systematically harassed at school for his sexual orientation.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Nonsense. Too often, bullying kills.

Can we stop bullying? Should we bother trying, or is it hardwired into children’s brains?

Research shows that anti-bullying programs make a difference. The Scandinavian countries, which began using widespread anti-bullying curricula in the 1970s and ’80s, now have some of the lowest bullying rates in the world.

The Rochester school district has a comprehensive anti-bullying policy, aimed at those who condone or support the actions of the bully, as well as at the aggressors.

The Diversity Council also partners with the school district to offer our Spark! program to K-12 students once a year. Spark! teaches kids to recognize and stand up to prejudice of all kinds, whether it’s based on weight, disability, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or anything else. Our 4th- and 7th-grade lessons focus specifically on the problems of teasing and bullying.

But once a year is not enough. To make a deep impact, research shows that anti-bullying messages must be consistent and widespread. We must establish a culture that does not tolerate bullying, a culture that encourages children to report bullying without being brushed off as ‘tattletales,’ a culture that takes bullying seriously and encourages adults to actively intervene.

Schools, parents and the community at large all have a role to play in creating that culture.

Children take their cues from adults around them. Appearance is the most common reason for bullying, with four in 10 teens reporting seeing students harassed for the way they look. What messages are we sending to our kids about the importance of appearance?

Children also absorb prejudices from the adults they respect. What do the children around us hear us saying about immigrants, or Muslims, or Republicans? Are we sending them a message that hostility and cutting criticism are OK?

It’s up to every one of us to make sure that we’re creating a culture of respect for our children. If we want to change what’s happening in our schools, the change must begin in us. Bullying can be stopped, but it will take all of us working together to make it happen.

Kay Hocker is executive director of Rochester’s Diversity Council.


Can Schools Teach Empathy?

Why programs aiming to prevent bullying and help kids learn compassion may be fighting an uphill battle.

In a Canadian second-grade classroom, a group of bright-faced 7-year-olds ponder how Hudson, a 4-month-old baby, might be feeling in this new, possibly intimidating environment. “Shy?” one child asks as Hudson works industriously on his pacifier. “Scared?” another child offers. In another classroom, when a giddy baby waves a toy and then drops it, a small student scoots forward to offer it back. Students in another class giggle as they watch a baby drool on a large plastic doll. “He’s giving him a bath!” a child squeals.

These interactions, captured on video, will melt even the coldest hearts—which is exactly the point. They’re examples of Roots of Empathy, a Canadian program now in 47 schools in the Seattle area, brainchild of educator and writer Mary Gordon. Roots of Empathy seeks to reduce aggression, violence, and bullying in schools by teaching children to see the world from another’s perspective—in this case, the perspective of a baby—and in the process teach children empathy, compassion, and a few parenting skills to boot.

It’s a program that’s offering educators a ray of hope after a grim year. A spate of teen suicides triggered by antigay bullying has spurred a kind of national soul searching: Is high school getting nastier? Is it even possible to teach kids to be kinder people? “Teaching kindness is related to ‘social and emotional learning,’ ” says Barbara Gueldner, a psychologist who worked on a University of Oregon study that evaluated anti-bullying curricula, in an email. Gueldner is optimistic that kids can learn both to manage their emotions and to be kinder to others.

These “emotional literacy” programs, with names like Caring School Community, I Can Problem Solve, Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies, and Strong Kids, typically start with “emotional identification,” or understanding feelings and naming them. Young children, usually 4- to 8-year-olds, learn to recognize physiological cues, such as “when you feel afraid, your heart beats faster and you might feel uncomfortable,” says Gueldner. “When kids are older, the concept is more sophisticated. Kids learn that there are thoughts that go along with their feelings.”

The next step is learning that other people have these feelings, too—the “perspective taking” of the Roots program; in the Strong Kids program, students discuss common social scenarios and brainstorm possible feelings people might be experiencing. And finally, the social piece of the puzzle comes into play, says Gueldner: “Kindness is an action, and generally motivated by the feeling of sympathy and, hopefully, empathy. For example, you might feel afraid if someone bullied you, and when you think a classmate feels afraid, you may say something (a kind word) or come to her defense.”

In fact, a primary component of anti-bullying curricula encourages the “bystanders”—the kids who aren’t bullies or victims, but rather passive onlookers or even cheerleaders—to either step in or report bullying incidents. It’s a common effective tactic in prevention programs to consider the school as an ecosystem of sorts, with every person—from cafeteria workers and bus drivers to parents and students—playing a role. “You treat everybody; you really try to change the system,” says Malcolm Watson, a professor at Brandeis who studies aggression and violence in adolescents. But even when bullying decreases, it’s hard to know whether kids are actually becoming “kinder”—kindness being hard to measure—or simply refraining from beating one another up in the hallways.

At the moment, “school districts can choose from dozens of programs [to ameliorate bullying],” says Scott W. Ross, a Utah State University professor who, along with Gueldner and another colleague, conducted Oregon’s 24-year meta-analysis of 16 anti-bullying curricula, “all with different philosophies.” But aggression, like kindness, doesn’t come in countable units, so it’s tough to determine effectiveness. In fact, some schools report an increase in bullying after programs begin, as teachers and students become more aware of negative incidents. “So it’s hard to say this or that program really works to stop bullying,” says Ross.

Though the schools that report a negative effect were the exception, the Oregon study showed only a modest positive benefit to many programs. A similar study at Cambridge of 59 anti-bullying programs, which showed a decrease in bullying incidents of 17 to 23 percent, managed to identify some common effective strategies: videos that demonstrated various scenarios and what to do; increased supervision of bullying “hotspots,” like playgrounds; and parent training. “Each of the programs has some merit,” says Shelley Hymel, a professor at the University of British Columbia who studies bullying and peer harassment in schools, “but we still don’t know which are the best techniques. Approaches that work in one place don’t necessarily work in another.”

The parent training may be the most critical piece of the puzzle. Gueldner, who now works in a pediatric practice, points out that we’re living in difficult times: “A lot of kids don’t have their basic needs met,” she says, “and that’s inherently stressful. When you don’t feel that great, you’re not that nice to other people.” But even kids who are adequately fed and clothed may be observing—and imitating—parents who go through life with their brass knuckles on. If adults are teaching their kids that life is a zero-sum game (witness, in her reality show, Sarah Palin’s crowing to her daughter about “one-upping” the neighbor), children are going to treat their classmates as competitors rather than colleagues.

“We definitely don’t live in a collective society—and this speaks to [parental] modeling,” says Gueldner. In the pediatric clinic, she teaches emotional literacy to adults as part of parent training: “First, you have to be aware of your own behavior and what you’re modeling to your kids. This requires a certain amount of self-reflection—you have to care about what your behavior says about you. We talk about individual, family, and cultural values, feelings, and simple ways to validate their children’s emotional experience.” And then you have to be aware of what’s going on in social situations, and talk about it. “You might say, ‘This is what I saw happening. What did you see? What would you want someone to do if you were in that situation?’ ”

Parents and educators hope that this sort of multipronged effort will reduce aggression and bullying and produce happier and more academically successful kids. Bullied children don’t want to go to school, and they’re anxious when they get there, so transforming schools into safe spaces has a direct impact on academic performance. “Children’s ability to demonstrate social, emotional, and academic skills are intertwined and … essential for overall health and success,” says Gueldner.

So as schools cast about to find the perfect, silver-bullet curriculum, Roots of Empathy offers a beacon of hope. Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, a professor in the department of educational and counseling psychology at the University of British Columbia, compared Roots students with a control group and found that those who had received the intervention reported an 88 percent drop in “proactive” bullying incidents (the sort of coldblooded targeting of a child by a bully) as well as a significant drop in “relational” bullying (backstabbing and gossiping, for example). She measured “bullying incidents” by distributing surveys to both the students and the teachers and found the answers to be remarkably consistent. Schonert-Reichl has been able to replicate these findings in three more studies in Canada as well as on the Isle of Man.

These are the sorts of numbers that could have educators scrambling to get a fresh crop of babies into American classrooms. However, the program hasn’t been tested on kids older than grade 8, primarily due to the complicated logistics of keeping high-school students in one class for as long as an entire school year. It’s also possible that learning compassion, like learning the cello or French, is easier for younger children. “It’s a tougher sell to teach adolescents than kids of a younger age,” says Watson. The Cambridge study, however, determined that anti-bullying programs actually work better on kids 11 and older—perhaps because adolescents generally enter a new stage of, in psych parlance, “moral development.” Considering this conflicting information, Hymel said in an email, “Different programs reach different kids in different ways … It would be great to have a series of initiatives across ages, all of which lead kids to the same positive outcomes.”

The federal government thinks it’s worth a try: in August the Department of Health and Human Services expanded its national anti-bullying campaign, Stop Bullying Now!, to target 5- to 8-year-olds, and in October the Department of Education distributed $38.8 million in grants to 11 states for a Safe and Supportive Schools initiative. Early next year, the Department of Ed will have workshops to “help educators better understand their obligations and the resources available to take prompt and effective steps that will end harassment and bullying in schools and on college campuses,” says a press release.

All this discussion, though, raises a question: what’s wrong with American high schools—or American families—that kids are this cruel to each other in the first place? “We have to look at the whole notion of high school,” says Schonert-Reichl, a former high-school teacher herself. “Is our current model of high school developmentally appropriate? You create this massive institution with 3,000 students that seems prisonlike—how could you not have bullying occur?”

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Snider: Where are parents when kids are being bullied?

I think it’s fair to say that we all knew bullies when we were in school. There was always that one kid who seemed to feel the need to hurt, intimidate or simply humiliate the other children. Of course, it wasn’t always an individual who bullied; there were also groups. I think teenage girls are the worst. I’d rather take a good beating from a male bully any day before I’d want to be the odd girl out from a group of teenage girls. I think that just about every kid in school would benefit from reading “Lord of the Flies.” The book is about a group of boys who get stranded on an island and over time they develop a “wolf pack” mentality. Without adults to oversee the kids and govern them, basically the weaker kids get sectioned out and eventually chaos breaks out and well, you can just imagine.

What exactly makes a bully? According to my Yahoo search, there are five indicators of a bully in the making: aggressive behavior, enjoyment from pushing other children around, dominating or manipulating, a smooth talker and someone who gets easily frustrated.

When I was growing up, there wasn’t such a thing as cyber-bullying. If you wanted to bully someone, you actually had to get up from a chair and go through the motions. Evidently now it’s possible to push someone around with a mouse and keyboard. I don’t understand the whole concept because I can’t help but wonder where the parents are while this is going on? Even with conventional schoolyard bullying, sooner or later the bully’s parents are told of the bad behavior. Once again, to me, it goes back to the parent, and my question remains: Why aren’t the parents being held accountable?

There are a lot of parents who don’t agree with corporal punishment in schools (remember the paddle?). They think it’s a violation of their parental rights, inhumane or not proper to punish someone else’s kids. My thought is this: If a kid is out of control, a disruption to the learning process, mean to other kids or a physical threat to one of the other kids, then he/she needs to stay at home so the learning environment for the other kids is left intact. It’s not the schools’ responsibility to raise children. It’s the schools’ responsibility to teach them.

If the school isn’t given the authority to punish unruly students and the parents obviously aren’t taking care of business at home, then it isn’t fair to the kids who are at school to learn. According to Bullypolice.org, Missouri is the 45th state to pass anti-bullying legislation. HB1543 is easy to read and basically states that every district had to adopt an anti-bullying policy by Sept. 1, 2007. It goes on to describe bullying as intimidation or harassment that causes a student to fear for his or her safety. It also states that the schools’ staff is to be responsible for reporting any bullying that they are witness to. I suppose it’s good to have law and policy to help prevent bullying. I just don’t agree with 100 percent of the burden being placed on the school systems. Parents should step up and raise their own kids instead of relying on the school to do it. That’s my thought.

Joe Snider is a Navy veteran and writes “A Local Voice” every other Monday. He can be contacted at Joe.snider@att.net.


How can parents help kids handle teasing?

My son has a cleft lip, and other kids have been making fun of him. How can I help him handle the teasing?
John

Most kids experience teasing at some point and it can be very difficult for them to handle. Kids with a cleft lip or other physical differences can be easy targets because the differences are so visible.

But you can help your son by encouraging him to express how he feels, showing him that you understand, and talking through some strategies for dealing with it. For example, teach him to be assertive (but not aggressive) and to use a proud voice to tell the child who is making fun of him to stop.

Other strategies might include ignoring or walking away, finding a “safe” person or a friend to be near, or telling a teacher or another adult. Some kids like to think of short phrases or jokes to say in response to teasing, but remind your son not to tease back, fight, or say something hurtful in return, which can only make the situation worse.

You also can help him become more resilient by offering your support, and encouraging activities and friendships that develop his strengths. Get him involved with organized activities — like music or sports — that he enjoys and where he can thrive.

Many schools now have programs to deal with bullying and promote positive relationships between kids, so you may want to talk with school personnel, such as a teacher, guidance counselor, or principal, about it. For instance, if teasing tends to occur in specific settings (like at the bus stop or during recess), work with school personnel to develop solutions.

If you’re concerned about ongoing issues or if you notice sudden changes that concern you (like your son doesn’t want to go to school, seems sad, or seems to have a hard time separating from you or family members), talk with a counselor or mental health professional for additional support.

Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD


Want to Stop the Bullying? It Starts at Home

By Randy Taran

Parents, it’s time to smell the coffee. We’re trying to get the schools to teach our kids not to allow bullying, but the problems are escalating; it’s no longer enough to leave the responsibility in the schools’ hands. No parent wants their child to be bullied. And, no one intentionally teaches their child to become a bully. We all want the best for our kids. This is why it’s interesting to take a look at the subtle bullying messages that can come to them on two levels. Here are two powerful and often hidden ways to help nip the problem in the bud — right at home.

The first and most obvious level is how we treat others. It’s almost normal to see sarcastic laughter at someone else’s expense, the “us vs. them” way of thinking, our own pressure to act a certain way or else risk not being accepted. That in itself influences our children. So, what to do? The answer, of course, is the Golden Rule — treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. Sounds good, but it only works if we are fully aware and mindful of what words and actions we are modeling.

Here’s a challenge: take one hour out of your day and just witness what you are saying, how you are saying it, and the feeling that it brings up in you and others as a result. This is a luxury that most people don’t allow themselves, and like wiping off your sunglasses to get a clearer picture, what you notice can be fascinating.

But there’s a second level, too, one we often don’t consider. Are you modeling bullying in how you treat yourself? If you mess up on something, do you ever call yourself an idiot? If you forget something important, do you say that you’ve lost your mind? If you gain a few pounds, do you say you feel disgusting or label yourself fat? All that seems benign, but it sends a message. Kids pick up on everything! Even small unconscious insinuations can be magnified more that we expect.

There is a biological reason for this. We all have mirror neurons (nerve cells) that fire either when a person acts or when they observe the same action performed by another. This means that if children see their parents being mean (to themselves or others), they are programmed by their neurons to imitate that. It’s a biological reaction for their neurons to fire in the same way. So parents have a huge role in influencing their children’s attitudes.

The media also has a tremendous impact on how we feel about ourselves. Just looking at magazines, TV shows and music creates ridiculous pressure on pre-teens and teens to look and act a certain way, so much so that if you don’t match the media’s ideal, then you can really feel badly about yourself. Let’s face it, even most grown women fixate on their “flaws” rather than celebrate what makes them unique. These messages are often passed on to our daughters, and sons, too, are not immune.

In the school environment, bullying enters the picture when young people try to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy by showing that they are “stronger” than someone else. Because a part of them feels bad about themselves, they try to reverse that feeling by treating someone else badly.

I just learned that my friend’s 14-year-old daughter is being bullied in her own car pool! She happens to be tall, slim and beautiful with long limbs. Still growing into her frame, every day she hears her “friends” making comments about how skinny she is, or how someone else who has the same top looks so much better in it. Other kids at school are being ostracized because they’re too big. And even the name-callers struggle with their body image. Rare is the person who is not sensitive to the slights and arrows of comparison with some external “ideal.” The “standards” of beauty that the media offers make most people feel bad! Getting into some physical activity like yoga, running, (whatever works) and seeing our bodies get stronger helps a lot. On the emotional side, getting to know our strengths and self-acceptance are powerful antidotes to any bully lurking in the wings.

The good news is that even in the media, there are signs of change. Marie Claire has a monthly feature called “What I Love About Me,” Katherine Schwarzenegger has a book out called “Rock What You’ve Got” and the DOVE campaign is blazing new trails. There’s actually a new club in my friend’s daughter’s school teaching students to appreciate their own bodies, no matter the physical dimensions. It happens that the whole car pool, even the girls who are behaving as bullies, decided to sign up for that club. This is good! As we learn to be more compassionate with ourselves, and to appreciate what makes us individually special and beautiful from the inside, we can do a lot to increase empathy and stop the bullying in its tracks.

Real strength is not in making someone else feel smaller; it’s rooted in being confident enough to be kind, uncovering what makes us unique and celebrating those qualities within ourselves and others. And it really helps to have some time to just observe our influences so that we can decide if they still suit us or not. If parents and kids can find some time to cultivate compassion for themselves, imagine what the mirror neurons would reflect.

One great way to deal with the bully inside is to find things that you are grateful for and appreciate about yourself. It could be anything: awesomely strong legs, beautiful eyes, a wild sense of humor or even a great smile. Focus on expanding that, and you may eventually turn that bully into a friend.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on bullying, as well as some of the things that you like or that amuse you about yourself.

Randy Taran is the founder of Project Happiness, a non-profit that empowers youth to create greater happiness in their lives and in the world. She is the co author, with Maria Lineger, of the “Project Happiness Handbook,” which makes the best of positive psychology, emotional intelligence and global literacy accessible to students in six countries.


The Bullying Backlash (The Daily Beast)

NEW YORK – A constant news cycle of horrific bullying stories has some parents frequently intervening in their children’s social lives, but they may be dooming their kids in the process.

A mother picks her sixth-grade daughter, Cara, up from school. Cara looks upset.

The mother asks what’s wrong. Cara says her friend Annie was mean to her, calling her a “slut” and refusing to sit with her at lunch.

The mother is not surprised. She has never liked Annie, or Annie’s parents, the way they let their daughter wear skimpy clothes and buy whatever she wants regardless of price.

She is also aware that bullying is a widespread national problem that, according to everything she hears and reads, requires prompt adult intervention.

When she gets home, she calls the school principal and other mothers in her bucolic Massachusetts neighborhood to say that Annie has been bullying her daughter.

The news this year has been full of stories about kids whose lives were ruined—and in some cases ended—by the trauma of bullying.

Phoebe Prince, the Massachusetts high-school freshman who hanged herself in January after being relentlessly teased.

Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate exposed him as having a same-sex encounter.

Lexi Pilkington, who killed herself following months of harassment on Facebook. According to recent studies, about 15 percent of students are traumatized by bullying and as many as 30 percent may suffer significant harassment.

But a subject too touchy to broach with many parents is that some kids don’t need intervention, and that adult involvement in certain social situations can actually do more harm than good.

Some psychologists worry that all the klieg lights focused on bullying have left many hyper-vigilant parents, like Cara’s mother, unable to distinguish between genuine bullying and relatively minor conflicts that would best be left for a child to handle.

When parents intervene too readily, experts say, they damage their child’s ability to work out problems for themselves. They can also harm the child they accuse, who is not necessarily a bully, but an insecure or troubled kid who has simply acted out.

“Obviously if your kid feels pushed around or teased, it’s agony,” said Susan Engel, a psychologist and the author of the forthcoming Red Flags or Red Herrings?

“It’s not an overreaction to feel your child’s pain. That’s what parents do. The problem comes with the way parents deal with the pain. They need to ask, is this something that can be worked out, or is it something that requires me to call the school? They jump in now with the idea that bullying is a chronic problem whereas there is a big difference between the normal kinds of misunderstandings and conflict that can happen between kids—or anyone—and what is a pattern.”

One problem is the tendency of overanxious parents to “interview for pain” at the end of a school day.

Many parents fail to understand that bullying is defined as a repeated act of abuse, though psychologists say that extreme one-time incidents where, for instance, one child is targeted by a group or is harassed on the internet, can also qualify.

Isolated incidents of name calling, teasing, or exclusion, however, are usually just that: one-off incidents that, if left to a child to handle, can build strength and character in the way that resistance training can build a muscle.

But experts say that many anxious parents, eager to protect their children in an age of fear and uncertainty—or, perhaps, to settle scores from their own pasts—are defining Zero Tolerance against bullying to mean Zero Pain at all, taking it upon themselves to smooth every bump on their child’s social road.

“I want there to be a lot of bumps!” said Wendy Mogel, a psychologist and the author of The Blessing of a B Minus. “You know why? Because these children are going to go to college. They are going to go out into the world.

They are going to have a roommate who wants her boyfriend to sleep over every night, colleagues who won’t jump up and down to welcome them on the team. They’ll need emotional resilience and social street smarts to finesse all sorts of unexpected bumps.

But if parents go riding into school like a Viking on a horse whenever their child complains of unfair treatment or ruffled feelings, the children are actually deprived of rich opportunities to develop essential social skills.”

This is not the same as simply saying that “kids will be kids.” Recent research has given us a deeper understanding of just how damaging bullying can be to a child’s emerging sense of self. But in the same way that states and schools are working to improve their anti-bullying policies—adopting new regulations and consulting with experts about the development of newer ones still—so do parents need to refine their understanding of what constitutes effective intervention.

Cara and Annie’s situation may well have resolved itself on its own, but it only deteriorated when Annie found out about Cara’s mother’s phone calls and further tormented Cara—who then vowed never to tell her mom anything ever again.

“The standard shouldn’t be, is my child suffering a little, but is my child’s core sense of self in the process of being destroyed?” said Michael Gurian, a psychologist and the author of Nurture the Nature.

“The core self is that center of morality and strength that’s building every day. If that’s being destroyed we must intervene, but if it’s being teased a little then it’s best to let the child utilize his or her own assets to meet the challenge.”

Parents who intervene in bothering rather than bullying situations, experts say, are not only robbing their children of important learning experiences, but may be inadvertently sending the message they don’t trust their child to handle the situation.

This can have the effect of feeding the child’s vulnerability and actually increase the chance that they’ll be targeted by bullies. Conversely, parents who send the message “I know you can do this” increase the likelihood of their child going back to school with a shielding aura of strength.

And then there is the effect on the child who has been unfairly accused. “I’ve seen groups of mothers completely demonize other children,” said Michael Thompson, a psychologist and the author of Best Friends, Worst Enemies.

“There are sometimes socially unskilled children who are impulsive or who have low frustration tolerance. They lash out, say unfortunate things, or sometimes hit. The parents decide that child is the class bully. Things are more complex than that. On a genetic basis, a child may have limited social skills. His or her parents may have limited social skills and be unable to help them navigate the situation.”

Another problem is what Thompson calls the tendency of overanxious parents to “interview for pain” at the end of a school day, which teaches children to see school and social interactions through a lens of fear and negativity. “When parents talk about a school being ‘so mean’ or a class being ‘so mean’ they are overlooking the power of children’s friendships and the thousands acts of love and tolerance in a school day,” he said.

But acts of kindness rarely make news. When we close our eyes, we don’t picture the girl who invites an awkward acquaintance to sit at her lunch table, the boy who pats a discouraged friend on the back. We see the doomed young face of Phoebe Prince. We recall the words Tyler Clementi is said to have posted on Facebook the day of his suicide: “all too much jumping off gw sorry.”

In a world where the dangers of bullying are flashing on our TV, computer and Blackberry screens 24/7, how’s a responsible parent to respond? When it comes to the Internet, experts advise parents to keep a close eye on everything their young children watch and do.

“Giving a child unlimited access to the Internet is like giving them a race car without a license,” said Dr. Mogel. When a child recounts something hurtful that happened at school, Dr. Mogel advises parents to ask themselves whether the incident can be viewed as a “challenge” rather than a “potential or guaranteed trauma.”

Parents should empathize with a child’s hurt feelings, ask how she plans to handle the situation, and, perhaps, help her figure out a strategy. Parents should keep an eye on the situation in coming days to see if it recurs, and they should also watch for signs that their child is losing their zest for life.

The key is to respond rationally rather than emotionally. Susan Davis, a psychologist and the co-author of Raising Children Who Soar, says parents should handle children’s distress the way they handle upsetting situations at work.

“You wouldn’t burst into your boss’s office and start to cry,” she said. “You would take a minute to collect yourself and think about how to respond. In other words, you would tap a different aspect of yourself. Obviously this is harder to do when your child is involved. Their pain gets to you like nothing else. But it’s your job as a parent to zip it up and think of what’s best for them.”

Lisa Wolfe has worked at 60 Minutes and written for The New York Times and O Magazine, among other publications.


The bullying epidemic, when teasing causes death

Jennifer Cecilione – Staff Writer

Shooting. Stabbing. Bombing. All obvious causes of death. But what about bullying? Many often think of bullying as just poking fun at someone or fooling around. This is not always the case. In severe situations, such as Tyler Clementi’s, bullying meant death.

Clementi was a freshman at Rutgers University. He was also gay. On September 19, Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, posted on his Twitter that Clementi was having sex with another man in their dorm room. Ravi and fellow Rutgers freshman, Molly Wei, allegedly videotaped Clementi’s sexual encounter and posted it on Twitter for Ravi’s followers to view. Three days after Clementi discovered the video, he posted on his Facebook, “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” That day, Clementi leapt off of the George Washington Bridge to his death. He was only 18 years old.

Monmouth senior Kelly Gnadinger has had enough. She said, “This was a horrible thing. It was tragic. People should stop bullying others.”

Ravi and Wei were each charged with two counts of invasion of privacy, but could face even greater punishment. If convicted of these charges, they could spend up to five years in prison. According to ABC News, Middlesex County Prosecutor Bruce Kaplan said that there may be the possibility of Wei and Ravi being charged with a hate crime, a more serious offense.      Under New Jersey law, hate crimes are categorized as crimes committed with the intent to “intimidate an individual or group of individuals because of race, color, religion, gender, handicap, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.”

Clementi is not the first gay male to commit suicide. Within the week that Clementi killed himself, three other gay boys did the same. All of these boys experienced harassment because of their sexual orientation. The youngest of these boys was Seth Walsh. He was 13 years old.

Openly-gay talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres said in a video posted to her website on October 1 that the recent suicides are a “wake up call to everyone” and that “bullying and teasing is an epidemic…four lives lost is a tragedy.” According to NJ.com, New Jersey state lawmakers have been trying to pass the “Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights” for the past few years. This law would require new teachers to complete a bullying training seminar, require superintendents to produce a report describing their school’s encounters with harassment, punish school administrators who do not investigate bullying accusations, and make it possible to suspend or even expel students on the grounds of bullying. 

“It saddens me that gay youth feel they have no where to go,” said Mrs. Mitchell who started the Gay-Straight Alliance at MRHS. Mitchell holds GSA meetings once a week in room 510. The sign outside of Mitchell’s door reads, “People who think they are different can come here to feel they are the same.”

 According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, gay male children are about two and a half times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers. Junior Aarti Aggarwal said, “I think people are more likely to bully gay kids because people always bully those who are different from them.”

Dan Savage, a relationship advice columnist, created the “It Gets Better” YouTube project to reach out to gay teens. “It Gets Better” is a collection of videos posted by celebrities urging gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender children to hang on for better days and not to end their lives prematurely. The message is that being gay gets better after the high school experience. The recent suicides forced even celebrity gossip expert, Perez Hilton, who is accustomed to trash-talking celebrities on his blog, to rethink his bullying ways. October 15, on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, Hilton said, “I’m going to do things differently…I’m not going to call people nasty nicknames.” For his “It Gets Better” video, Hilton told his story of growing up attending a Catholic boy’s school and being ridiculed by his classmates and his teachers. He also said that as you grow up, you become more secure with yourself and everything really does get better.

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Going After the Cyberbully

By Bernice Yeung

Schools and prosecutors are grappling with the legal issues raised when harassment over the Internet  leads to suicide.

Earlier this month, a 14-year old boy from Middleburg, Pennsylvania threw himself in front of a tractor-trailer after leaving a suicide note that said he was tired of being called a “faggot” and a “sissy” at school.

It was the latest in a string of teen suicides tied to bullying. In September, Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi threw himself off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate, Dharun Ravi, and a woman who lived down the hall named Molly Wei, secretly recorded Clementi having sex and then broadcast the footage online. In January, a Massachusetts high school student named Phoebe Prince took her own life following persistent bullying by schoolmates. And in September 2009, 13-year-old Hope Witsell of Florida committed suicide after her topless photo was circulated around her school via text message.

The phenomenon has already earned its own catch-all name in the media and among researchers:  “bullycide.”

Although those who have been bullied contemplate suicide at a higher rate―and between 10 percent and 40 percent of American students report being bullied at school, according to the Cyberbullying Research Center―observers say the problem is becoming exacerbated by the Internet, which can quickly turn face-to-face harassment into a viral assault in cyberspace that exacerbates the pain and embarrassment suffered by the targets.

Cyberbullying, as it is called, has triggered a fervent debate in schools, in the courts and in state legislatures over the best way to address the behavior. As a legal matter, these cases exist within a confounding mix of emerging technology, free speech rights, criminal law and politics—all of which has experts scratching their heads.

The prosecutors’ dilemma

Going after cyberbullying isn’t an open-and-shut case. There is no agreed-upon definition for the term, and although behavior and activity associated with bullying and cyberbullying can become criminal acts, the words “bullying” or “cyberbullying” appear in very few state criminal statutes. (And states like Louisiana, which explicitly criminalized cyberbullying earlier this year, has been criticized by legal observers for enacting an unconstitutional law that violates the First Amendment.)

 

As a result, prosecutors have relied on existing criminal statutes, including stalking or harassment. Most states have begun to incorporate language about the use of smart devices and social media into existing stalking or harassment laws, but these laws run the gamut, says Suzanna Tiapula, director of the National District Attorneys Association’s National Center for Prosecution of Child Abuse. “Some of these statutes have not been tested. There is a desperate need to respond appropriately, so states are trying to craft solutions. But they are relatively new and there are a range of responses to trying to protect children and adults.”

In the Prince case, where classmates reportedly called the recent Irish immigrant lewd names and threw a can at her head, local efforts to pursue justice focused on prosecuting six students at her school who allegedly led the verbal assault. The indicted students face criminal charges ranging from stalking and harassment to violating Prince’s civil rights, leading to injury. At least three of the teens are slated to go to trial in early 2011. Local prosecutor Elizabeth Scheibel filed charges based on anti-stalking and civil rights statutes, some of which legal analysts say are an uphill battle. (District Attorney Scheibel did not return calls seeking comment.)

In the Rutgers case, Ravi and Wei have been charged with numerous counts of invasion of privacy, and a criminal investigation is ongoing in the case. Prosecutors in Middlesex County, which is handling the case, even hesitate to call the Rutgers incident a cyberbullying case.

“We are not framing it that way,” says Jim O’Neill, the spokesperson for the Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office. O’Neill says that no court dates have been set, and that the prosecutor’s office is “looking into a variety of potential charges,” including a hate crime, because Clementi was taped having intercourse with another man.

Charges such as the violation of civil rights leading to injury in the Prince case, or the manslaughter charges that some advocates are pushing for in the Rutgers case, may be difficult to prove.

“There is always the problem of causation, which is the underlying principle of every criminal charge,” observes Patrick Corbett, a criminal law professor at Cooley Law School in Lansing, Michigan. “The question is: was the defendant’s action what caused the suicide? It’s not an easy case for the prosecutor to work with.”

Experts note that suicides, in particular, are difficult to pin to one specific cause. “I don’t think you can say that there is a direct cause and effect between being bullied and making the decision to commit suicide,” says Susan Swearer, an educational psychology professor at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln who specializes in bully intervention. “Bullying is a factor in the suicide, so there are lots of questions in these cases.”

Indeed, criminal prosecutions don’t always lead to convictions. Most famous, perhaps, is the case against Lori Drew , a Missouri mother who hired a teenager to create a fake My Space profile and posed as a 16-year-old boy in order to spy on one of her daughter’s former friends, Megan Meier, because Drew feared her daughter was being badmouthed by the teen.

Using the false identity, Drew sent Meier a number of messages through My Space, including one that read, “The world would be a better place without you.”  That message, according to prosecutors, tipped the 13-year-old Meier over the edge.  She killed herself in 2006.

Prosecutors admitted to reporters at the time that they did not have enough evidence to pursue stalking or harassment charges, and an attempt to criminally charge Drew under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act eventually led to an acquittal.

Determining ‘intent’

Criminal prosecution in some bullying cases is particularly challenging because in addition to causation, the prosecution must also show intent, and some incidents that have been dubbed “cyberbullying” may not meet the standard.

“What is important here is not how the victim feels, but what the putative offender knew or intended,” says Franklin Zimring, a professor at UC Berkeley School of Law. “This is to protect civil rights—it must be behavior such that the person committing it knows is extreme. We need to set the bar high for criminal liability.”

When it comes to more serious criminal charges, like murder or manslaughter charges that have been called for in some bullycide cases, “you either had to be negligent or intended the harm before you can be criminally liable for it,” Zimring says.. “If you’re saying that hurt feelings and deception were intended [through the bullying], well, hurt feelings and deception are two dishes often served during adolescence, and sometimes the scope of cyberspace makes things worse, but I’m not sure that’s going on a lot [in terms of the law].”

But Zimring says he understands why district attorneys choose what is perhaps a difficult legal path. “It’s great publicity for the prosecutor and it ‘sends a message,’” he acknowledges. “And it is a symbolic vindication of the victim and of the family’s loss.”

Despite the challenges in criminal court, we may begin to see more prosecutions in bullycide cases, as law enforcement and prosecutors become more attuned to them, says Scott Burns of the National District Attorneys Association, who adds that his members do not feel “a reluctance to prosecute these cases.”

Wendy Murphy, a law professor at New England School of Law in Boston, startled some audience members at a symposium on cyberbullying in October when she told prosecutors to “grow a pair” by prosecuting bullies.

“Prosecutors bring one case once against a bully and people pay attention,” she told The Crime Report later. “It makes a difference. This is not to beat up the bullies, but I think we should respect life enough to be able to say to the bully that if someone kills themselves, you bear the burden. That one consequence is criminal prosecution.”

Naturally, not everyone agrees.

“Bullying prevention is a wonderful idea, and criminal law is a terrible tool for it,” argues UC Berkeley’s Zimring.

According to research by Swearer, the education psychologist, bullies themselves often experience higher rates of social anxiety and depression. “It’s important to look at intervention, not just at throwing the book at these kids,” she says. “There’s got to be a consequence. We’re not taking the time to figure out why someone is doing this, and helping them to see that this is not okay.”

Are schools liable?

Schools can be challenged in court for bullycides, too. But these cases raise another set of legal questions: Where to draw the line between what’s free speech and what’s unacceptable bullying?

Schools and courts have typically relied on the decision in the 1969 U.S. Supreme Court case Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District, a case that focused on the rights of Iowa students to wear black armbands to protest the Vietnam War. The Court ultimately held that in order for a school to intervene, the student speech must “materially and substantially interfere” with the operations of the school or it must “impinge upon the rights of others.”

With some cyberbullying taking place off campus, it’s less clear how educators should interpret Tinker.

“What a kid types in their bedroom, the school has no legal control over,” says Daniel Weddle, a law professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City who studies bullying. “There is a nexus [between the school and the off-campus speech], but it’s not clear where the nexus should be. The courts are really struggling with this question.”

Those struggles are less acute in the Rutgers case. “There is much less control in higher education because we’re dealing with legal adults,” Weddle says. “In terms of liability, it’s harder to get universities on the hook for not intervening.”

Some courts say that if it’s “foreseeable” that the speech would create a material and substantial disruption during the school day, then the school has the right to step in.

Meanwhile, Weddle notes that other courts have said that even if the questionable speech reaches the schoolhouse door, educators don’t necessarily have jurisdiction over it. (Educators and attorneys are watching two Pennsylvania cases to gauge where to draw that line. A Third Circuit court decision on both is pending.)

“We see administrators who are really unsure about how far their disciplinary arm can reach,” notes Kathleen Conn, author of The Internet and the Law: What Educators Need to Know . “The First Amendment doesn’t protect true threats, but what is a true threat? It’s a legal term of art that varies in its interpretation from circuit to circuit.”

In cases where the target’s family has tried to take schools to court, the schools have typically settled or won.

“Normally, you don’t hold one person liable for the actions of another person,” explains Weddle of the University of Missouri-Kansas City. “So to hold schools liable for the acts of its students, you have to show that the school could control the action, and its failure to control the action was the proximate cause of the injury.”

The White House steps in

 

In late October, the U.S. Department of Education, jumped into the fray, with an assist from President Barack Obama.  The department issued an “advisory” on bullying that was intended to provide guidance on identifying and reporting harassment.

“We have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids,” Obama said in a statement following the late October release of the advisory. “Every single young person deserves the opportunity to learn and grow and achieve their potential, without having to worry about the constant threat of harassment.”

But critics say that the advisory is just that—advice.

“Advisories are as low as one can go—I’d liken them to op-eds, frankly,” argues New England Law School’s Murphy, “[They are] published sentiments using moral suasion to change behavior.”

In that regard, the Department of Education advisory isn’t too different from state anti-bullying legislation. Currently, 43 states have anti-bullying statutes, according to the Cyberbullying Research Center, but these laws only provide guidance and regulate schools and public libraries.

These laws—most of which came online in the past year or so—feature a mix of measures, ranging from the creation of prevention and intervention programs at schools to mandates requiring specific anti-bullying policies and the reporting of incidents to the school administration or law enforcement.

Such laws are “much ado about nothing,” claims Weddle.  “They often require nothing more than a policy that says bullying is bad, but sidestep training and any attempt to change the culture of the school.” The other problem with the statutes, Weddle says, is that they often don’t provide a way for parents or students to take schools or districts to court if the anti-bullying laws aren’t being followed.

The Massachusetts anti-bullying law was enacted in May in response to the Phoebe Prince case, and it requires that each school create a bullying prevention and intervention plan. It has been praised by prosecutors and law enforcement for clearly defining the term “cyberbullying,” and for raising awareness of the issue.

Though it, too, does not provide an avenue for individuals to hold the schools or districts accountable in court, it does create a special commission that will investigate the possibility of imposing criminal and civil liability on parents of bullies.

Federal laws, such as the Safe Schools Improvement Act, are not necessarily any more effective, according to Kathleen Conn, who is also a law professor at Neumann University in Ashton, Pennsylvania.

“These federal laws go into vacuum,” she says. “They never reach down to individuals. You can pass all of the anti-bullying laws you want at a federal level, but if you don’t disseminate and you don’t fund them and if you don’t monitor effectiveness, then why waste the paper?”

The role of civil rights

Ultimately, the New England Law School’s Wendy Murphy, who calls herself a child advocate, says the problems that schools and courts have had in locating bullying’s proper place in the criminal and civil law has to do with the current refusal to acknowledge the underlying civil rights issues at play.

“We need to deal head-on with the nature of this problem as a civil rights issue,” she says. “We are framing what is historically known as targeted civil rights harassment. We have policies, procedures, and a long history in the law of dealing with bullying, as long as we call it what it is, which is harassment.”

She continues: “If a child is targeted, and if it is sex-based and gendered, as most cases involving suicide, if you call it bullying, you’ll get a tort response. But if you go to the school and call it a Title IX problem, a sexual harassment problem, or harassment because of sexuality, and you frame it that way, it will prompt an effective response.”

For Phoebe Prince, the lesson has come too late.

If her parents had taken the issue to court on the grounds of sexual harassment, Murphy suggests, Prince “would still be alive.”

Bernice Yeung is a freelance journalist based in San Francisco.


HERO Teens Help Fight Bullying

Sue Loughlin The Tribune-Star The Tribune Star

TERRE HAUTE — When high school students talk, middle school students listen.

That’s why a group of 84 Terre Haute North Vigo High School student leaders visited three middle schools Wednesday morning, part of a bullying prevention initiative.

Announced last week, it’s called HERO, which stands for Helping Everyone Respect Others.

The high school leaders went to Chauncey Rose, Woodrow Wilson and Otter Creek middle schools.

At Wilson, small teams of high school students visited each advisory class. In one, North senior Marlin Hill led the discussion.

When someone is bullied, the simple act of being a friend could save that person’s life, Hill told a group of eighth-graders. 

“As eighth-graders, you guys are kind of the head honchos of the school,” Hill said. “You have the sixth- and seventh-graders looking up to you.”

He urged them to take the lead by respecting others, being a friend to those who need one and stepping in when bullying occurs. Stepping in might be a matter of contacting an authority figure, such as a teacher or dean, either when the incident happens or afterward.

“I’m asking you not only now but in the future to respect other people and be a friend because you could be the deciding factor between someone taking their life and leaving this Earth,” Hill said.

Hill was joined by North students Brooke Humphrey and Anna Potter. Hill and Humphrey are Link Crew leaders, while Potter is part of the A-team.

The sessions, less than 30 minutes, also included activities and statistics. Students talked about different types of bullying, which can include physical, mental and cyber bullying.

The North students cited a statistic that 8 percent of students miss one day of class per month for fear of bullies.

“Can you imagine missing class because you feel like if you were to walk into a school, no one there is going to respect you?” Hill asked.

Socially isolating someone also can be a form of bullying, and so is spreading rumors, he said.

When the middle school students were asked what they would do if they were bullied, one responded he would tell his closest friend, while another said he wouldn’t tell anyone.

The middle school students also were told that if they wanted to report bullying but feared repercussions, they could talk privately to a school authority figure, and their confidentiality would be protected.

Afterward, Wilson eighth-grader Allison Crick thought the anti-bullying program “was really good because they are high schoolers and we all look up to them.”

Wilson student Ashaun Miller believes the high school students’ visit will reinforce to middle school students that they can take steps to prevent and stop bullying.

Miller said he would step in if he witnessed bullying. If someone is afraid of being labeled a snitch, they can tell a teacher or dean privately, he said.

This week kicks off the HERO anti-bullying campaign, organized by several middle and high school administrative interns. The project is aimed at middle school students but involves high school student leaders.

In the near future, student leaders at South Vigo and West Vigo will work with their respective middle schools, said Joe Thoma, spokesman for the principal interns group that developed HERO.

This week, middle school teachers have been showing anti-bullying videos, and today, they are expected to conduct additional classroom activities.

Friday will be “big blueout day,” and middle school students will be asked to wear blue and they will be given blue “I am a HERO” wristbands. Blue is the color being used in national anti-bullying campaigns, Thoma said.

Wednesday’s sessions did lead to some open discussions, Thoma said. A few middle school students who say they have been bullied shared that information with the high school leaders.

The information was provided to counselors or other school officials so that those middle school students will receive the help they need, Thoma said.

The middle schools have HERO boxes, where people, including school employees, can nominate students who have stopped or prevented bullying.

The Vigo County School Corp. website also has a HERO link where bullying incidents can be reported. The site also includes an anti-bullying brochure.

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