Bully Prevention

(TRENTON, N.J.) — Lawmakers in New Jersey will hold hearings Monday on a bill to toughen the state’s anti-bullying laws.

New Jersey has had an anti-bullying law on the books for years, but state politicians say it hasn’t really helped.  They want teachers to be trained on how to recognize and prevent harassment, and they want them to report bullying even if it happens off school grounds.

The proposed legislation follows the suicide of Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers University freshman who threw himself off the George Washington Bridge after a video of himself and a male involved in a sexual encounter was streamed online by his roommate and another student.

It is estimated that a third of all students between the ages of 12 and 18 have been bullied at school.

Copyright 2010 ABC News Radio

By: Marian Wright Edelman, President, Children’s Defense Fund

The problem of bullying in our nation’s schools has been in the headlines again, in large part because of a heartbreaking series of recent tragedies: children and youths who took their lives after they were bullied or harassed because their peers believed they were gay. We need to immediately send a clear message to all our children that bullying and harassment for this or any other reason is simply not acceptable. At the same time, we need to make sure that every child knows she or he is a gift from God and feels loved and accepted and valued the way they are.

President Obama was one of the thousands of people who recently chose to record a video statement for the “It Gets Better” Project, started in September by journalist Dan Savage who is collecting and posting messages of hope and encouragement to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths who might be experiencing harassment or bullying or feeling isolated and desperate right now. The President said, “We’ve got to dispel the myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage – that it’s some inevitable part of growing up. It’s not. We have an obligation to ensure that our schools are safe for all of our kids. And to every young person out there, you need to know that if you’re in trouble, there are caring adults who can help…You are not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything to deserve being bullied. And there is a whole world waiting for you, filled with possibilities. There are people out there who love you and care about you just the way you are…The other thing you need to know is, things will get better.”

It will get better—and adults need to do everything possible to be sure that for these youths and all other children and teens who are being bullied or harassed today, it gets better right now. Earlier this year, the first—ever Federal National Bullying Summit was held in Washington, D.C., sponsored by the Federal Partners in Bullying Prevention Steering Committee, a collaboration between the U.S. Departments of Education, Health and Human Services, Agriculture, Interior, and Justice. In his opening remarks Secretary of Education Arne Duncan noted that in 2007 nearly one out of three students in middle school and high school said they had been bullied at school during the school year, and one out of nine secondary school students, or 2.8 million students, said they had been pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on during the last school year. Secretary Duncan made clear that the government is committed to enforcing laws against harassment wherever they apply and doing all else possible to keep schools and students safe. The Administration has already planned several next steps for the coming months, including a White House conference on bullying early next year and a series of workshops the Department of Education will hold for educators across the country.

The Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights recently reminded school districts that harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, or disability violates federal civil rights laws, so in every instance where a school “knows or reasonably should have known” about this kind of harassment, it has the responsibility under federal law to end the harassment, eliminate any hostile environment and its effects, and prevent the harassment from recurring. Schools have this responsibility even if the misconduct is already covered under the school’s discipline policy, and regardless of whether a student has complained, asked the school to take action, or identified the harassment as discriminatory. Adults must simply take charge—as Assistant Secretary of Education for Civil Rights Russlyn Ali put it, it is the school’s responsibility to “stop it, fix it, and prevent it.”

But bullying can take many forms, for many reasons—and bullying that does not violate these specific federal guidelines is still serious, dangerous, and wrong. The Department of Education outlined a list of negative effects of bullying and harassment: lowered academic achievement and aspirations; increased anxiety; loss of self-esteem and confidence; depression and post-traumatic stress; general deterioration in physical health; self-harm and suicidal thinking; feelings of alienation in the school environment, such as fear of other children; and absenteeism from school. In an age where technology is making cyberbullying and other new kinds of harassment an even more widespread threat, it is more important than ever that all adults—starting with every single parent—be sure our children understand that any kind of bullying is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Studies show many youths who bully others have been mistreated themselves but even this can never be an excuse. It must simply add to the urgency we all feel about stopping the cycle right now.

Popular Talk Show Host Apologized for His Generation, Says Kids Need Ongoing Dialogue with Parents

Dr. Phil McGraw on "The Early Show." (CBS)

(CBS) 

More than 160,000 children miss school every day because they are scared of being bullied, according to the National Education Association.

Bullying is a national problem, often with tragic results. But Dr. Phil McGraw, host of the popular show “Dr. Phil,” has begun a fight against this behavior, delving into the topic several times on his show and even traveled to Washington, D.C. in June to bring the topic to the fore. While in the nation’s capital, he spoke in front of the Subcommittee on Healthy Families about the prevalence of bullying and the serious public health and safety risks associated with cyberbullying.

On “The Early Show” Thursday, Dr. Phil appeared on the broadcast to talk about what he’s now calling a childhood epidemic.

Dr. Phil explained, “I said nine years ago when I started the ‘Dr. Phil’ show one of the things we would focus on are the silent epidemics in America. I’m trying to make this not silent. I want us to tune in and know what’s going on here.”

Co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez remarked, “These keyboards bullies have the benefit of hiding behind their computers and it’s so easy for them to target vulnerable people.”

“There is no empathy involved here,” McGraw replied. “When you are not having to look at your victim, when you don’t see the pain in their face, when you don’t see their eyes, then it’s so much easier for you to say cruel things. And crueler things are being said than would be said person to person. And, you know, the thing that I’m worried about, Maggie, is these bullies have parents. Where are the parents of these bullies? How do they not know what their child is doing either on the school bus, at school, on the keyboard, wherever it may be?”

In a recent show, Dr. Phil apologized to children.

He said, “On behalf of all the adults that seem to be running this society, I am so sorry. I just — I am so sorry that this is going on in this society. I’m so sorry that gay is a slur.”

On “The Early Show” Dr. Phil said, “I just hate for (gay children) to think that nobody cares, that all the adults in this world that are not doing anything don’t care. … It sends a message and these kids, think, look adults don’t get it. They don’t care. But that’s not true, we do get it and we do care and we need to let them do that and do something about this.”

But how do you prevent tragedies like Tyler Clementi’s suicide after allegedly being videotaped by Rutgers classmates from happening?

To Dr. Phil, prevention starts with education.

“I’m sure that people don’t think — because I’ve talked to a lot of bullies that have now grown up — and they say, you know, when I was doing that, I had no idea the impact that it had. I was not aware of the pain it was causing. Well, let’s make them aware now. Let’s teach these kids that words are powerful and that, when you say things that cut into someone, it changes who they are. You say it, then they go home and repeat it to themselves a thousand times. And it changes their personality. It changes their future. It changes the way they raise their kids when they grow up.”

He added, “If we turn a bright light on over this maybe parents will have a sit-down with their kids and say, ‘I want to talk to you about bullying. Are you being bullied and are you a bully?’ Let’s have those conversations — not a conversation — but a dialogue they need to have.”

For parenting tips from Dr. Phil on the bullying warning signs and what you should do if you think your child is being bullied, click on the video below.

Monday, November 1, 2010

 A recent poll getting a lot of attention says that half of the students in our high schools admit to having bullied someone in the past year. That’s hard to believe.

In a courageous, intensely emotional talk at the city council in Fort Worth, Texas, councilman Joel Burns reaches out to the targets of teen bullying — kids who are gay, perceived as gay, or just different — with a vital message about their lives, and the harassment they face.

Bullying others

 10 percent of students indicated they had bullied others with some frequency (two to three times per month or more within the semester).

By Kyle Bella

Since July, an alarming number of LGBT teens and college students have committed suicide. From Tyler Clementi, 18, a Rutgers University freshman, to the most recent to make headlines, 19-year-old former Howard University student Aiyisha Hassan. The suicides, in particular Clementi’s, have brought attention to how endemic bulling is in adolescent culture, from physical assault to Internet harassment. It doesn’t end with overt hostility, however. A 2009 survey by GLSEN, which advocates for safe space in schools for LGBT students, found that, “88.9% of students heard ‘gay’ used in a negative way (e.g., ‘that’s so gay’) frequently or often at school.” Even more troubling is the fact that “40.1% of students were physically harassed” and “18.8% were physically assaulted.”

But the GLSEN survey also discovered that bullying is not confined to LGBT students. Nearly three quarters of students, 72.1 percent, heard sexist remarks “frequently or often” and 40.6 percent heard racist remarks “frequently or often.”

The recent torrent of bad news about LGBT youth harassment in particular has prompted many to ask, what can we do to help? Broader, more inclusive strategies to combat bullying need to be enacted to ensure that all students, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race or disability status, are made to feel safe and welcome in their schools.

The Make It Better Project provides an excellent collection of resources to directly empower youth to act to stop bullying of all types, including a how-to guide on interrupting bullying when you see it happening. It also offers a resource list for parents on how they can support teens and prevent bullying. As one LGBT teen says in one of the project’s video testimonials, “I tried and succeeded at making it better for myself. I didn’t just wait and hope that it would get better. I found a whole world of people and places and experiences that I never thought that I would have.” That’s what activism can do. So we asked other anti-bullying advocates to chime in with their own strategies for ensuring a better school climate for all students. Here are five solutions we found at work in schools across the country. There are many, many more. If you’ve got any to highlight, chime into the comments below.

Create Alliances

Gay/Straight Alliances are student-run organizations that began in 1998 when a straight student reached out to GLSEN-founder Kevin Jennings. Today there are more than 4,000 clubs in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and on U.S. military bases. They provide LGBT students a non-judgmental space and support straight  allies. State-based coalitions such as the GSA Network, work to spread the clubs in both rural and urban public schools where they are harder to establish. This past year, the coalition worked with a small group of middle school students at Tomas Rivera Middle School in rural Perris, Calif. Their group is now thriving and is working with the network to “train and empower students in isolated places.” (Photo by Caitlin Childs)

Acceptance as Core Curriculum 

The Alliance School opened in Milwaukee in 2005 as a small public charter school in grades 6-12. The school is built “with the goal of providing a safe and accepting environment for all students.” It emphasizes, as leader-teacher Tina Owen says, “building compassion and teaching acceptance for all people” through “preventative practice so that we are addressing unkind deeds and words before they become bullying.” Students participate directly in creating school policies, through student government organizations. Harassment forms are always available. And the school works toward fulfilling the principle that “no one ever says ‘we can’t do anything about that.’ ” (Photo by Ryan Stanton)

Make It Comprehensive

The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program also starts with a comprehensive school reform. It has since been used in both urban and rural public schools, across the country and internationally. As Marlene Synder, research associate at the affiliated Clemson University, says, “It is a system-change, requiring the long-term commitment of all members of the school system.” It emphasizes a student-driven approach, building on a student survey that allows a school to understand its specific bullying concerns. The program emphasizes staff training because so much of the focus is on anti-bullying curriculum, including role-playing exercises and active parental involvement. (Photo by Eddie~S)

Teaching Through Film

GroundSpark is an organization that was founded in 1978 as Women’s Educational Media. The new name reflects a broader commitment “of creating visionary films and dynamic educational campaigns that move individuals and communities to take action for a more just world.” One of these campaigns is the Respect for All Project, which offers a series of award-winning films for students ranging from grades K-12, as well as teachers, parents and youth-service providers. All films include a curriculum guide for understanding differences—including ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation—into the day-to-day classroom setting.  GroundSpark also runs “Professional Development Workshops” that have educated over 10,000 individuals since 2003, addressing how to use films as educational tools and how to adapt these to a wide variety of settings, from urban to rural and public to private.

Start Early—and Help Kids to Stand Up For Themselves

True Colors is a Connecticut non-profit that is committed to “full equality for all LGBT youth, adults and families” and “to the work of social justice as an anti-racist institution.” The organization provides a number of important resources for LGBT youth across the state that include working directly with Gay/Straight Alliances to facilitate “summits” to build connections within communities. Executive Director Robin McHaelen says the organization is focused particularly on developing middle school Gay/Straight Alliances, given the fact that the “average age of coming out today is 11 to 13.” True Colors also implemented the “Youth Activist Institute,” a six-week training program that enables youth to “advocate for themselves and others” in response to all forms of harassment. Listen to the young people talk for themselves on CNN in the video below.

Dr. Harold Koplewicz

Over the past few weeks it has been impossible to miss the flood of news stories about gay teens ending their own lives after enduring anti-gay bullying. Eighteen-year-old Tyler Clementi, 15-year-old Billy Lucas, and 13-year-olds Asher Brown and Seth Walsh were living in different corners of America — New Jersey, Indiana, Texas, and California — but each of them was subjected to the same kind of intolerance and cruelty, which included callous disregard for their online privacy.

To put this tragedy in context, suicide is the third leading cause of death among adolescents aged 15 to 24, and gay teens are six times more likely than straight teens to attempt suicide. It’s important to understand, though, that the statistics concerning gay teens are relevant to all teens. There are many reasons for this, but chief among them is that during adolescence, the mantra is, “I want to be the same, I want to be the same, I want to be the same.” Teens want to be like everyone else, and when they see a gay student getting bullied for some perceived difference, they worry that their own differences — and we all have them — will be targeted by bullies next.

I know that many parents find it difficult to discuss sexuality with their teens, but discussion is crucial if we want our teens to develop good self-esteem, embrace their own differences, and accept what is different in others.

Here’s some information for parents to consider:

Teens who are “different” are at higher risk for getting bullied.

All teens want to be “normal” and fit in with their peers, but when they exhibit differences — in their sexual orientation, for example — they can face cruel and unusual harassment and rejection. According to a survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, approximately 90 percent of gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual middle and high school students were physically or verbally harassed in 2009. As parents, no matter what we believe (with respect to sexuality, religion, politics, etc.), we are responsible for our kids’ behavior and need to teach them to be intolerant of intolerance.

A teen who believes his sexual feelings are unacceptable to peers may be experiencing emotions that are warning signs of suicide.

Parents, teachers, and all caring adults need to be alert and sensitive to how self-esteem contributes to a teen’s feelings of sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, rejection, and anger — all symptoms of depression that affect the majority of teens who attempt or complete suicide. Some parents fall under the impression that because they are tolerant of different sexual orientations, their children aren’t affected by the barrage of messages about “how wrong it is to be gay.” Unfortunately, anti-gay rhetoric has extraordinary, insidious muscle in the cultural landscape, and gay teens are particularly vulnerable to the discrimination and bullying that chip away at self-esteem and contribute to depression. Parents of gay teens are sometimes just “the last to know” a problem is brewing.

An overwhelming majority of suicidal teens report feeling misunderstood by their parents.

Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to start a conversation with their children, before they go through puberty, to discuss sexual feelings and tolerance of different sexual orientations. If your child is secretly feeling guilty or somehow bad due to the sexual thoughts he or she is having, you need to know this so that you can give reassurance that there’s nothing wrong or bad about different sexual thoughts or sexuality in general. Teens who feel uncomfortable with their sexuality often suffer from low self-esteem, so it’s essential that we counter their feelings of distress with a very positive message of acceptance and love. We have a responsibility and role in building our teens’ self-esteem and self-confidence. They need to understand that while we sometimes disagree with them — or simply have different feelings — we respect their beliefs and differences. We love them no matter what.

As part of the effort to prevent suicide and suicidal behaviors, parents need to know about their teens’ lives on the Internet.

I’m reminded of a scene in the new Facebook movie, “The Social Network,” in which Napster co-founder Sean Parker (played by Justin Timberlake) says, “We lived on farms. We lived in cities. And now we live on the Internet.” That we now “live” on the Internet means that, as parents and educators, we must be whistleblowers on Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media platform on which our kids interact — to tackle intolerance and bullying effectively. Online bullying often involves the complete failure, on the part of a bully, to comprehend how words and actions in cyberspace can devastate a victim. Erica makes this point in “The Social Network” when she tells Mark Zuckerberg that saying something cruel to a person’s face is like using a pencil (since spoken words can fade from memory), but saying something online, where words are recorded for an unknown number of people to see, is like using a pen. We have to talk to our kids about the power and consequences of our online behavior. And then we need to teach them how to use social media as a tool for promoting tolerance, compassion, and social justice.

Parent-teen communication is our best defense against intolerance, bullying, and teen suicide.

Believe it or not, teens want to spend time with their parents. We sometimes forget this as we watch them try to assert their independence, but research studies repeatedly show that teens want to spend quality time with us — and when they do, they’re less likely to experiment with drugs, have sex at a young age, and engage in other risky behaviors. We have the opportunity to build our kids’ confidence and self-esteem, nurture empathy, and model an acceptance and appreciation of others. However (and this is key), teens only want to spend time with their parents — and talk openly about what they’re really experiencing — when they believe their parents aren’t judgmental. Again, tolerance, respect, appreciation, love.

I’m encouraged by the fact that so many celebrities — from Cyndi Lauper and Ellen DeGeneres to Matthew Morrison, Jane Lynch, and the entire cast of “Glee” — are raising public awareness of anti-gay bullying and its links to teen suicide.

I hope you will join me in promoting tolerance to protect young lives. Please start right now by having a conversation with your child.

Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D. is a leading child and adolescent psychiatrist and the president of the Child Mind Institute.

By ELIZABETH ESTHER

A webcam is not only a powerful communication tool, it’s also a potentially deadly weapon. When wielded as an instrument of personal destruction, a webcam is the nuclear weapon of modern bully warfare. And when used in conjunction with social media, the soul-crushing humiliation of cyber-bullying can be fatal.

Tyler Clementi was among four young men who committed suicide last month after being bullied. And in Tyler’s case, the bullying was particularly cruel — his private, romantic tryst streamed live over the Internet. What I want to know is: how many more children must die before we, as parents and as a society, take seriously the dangers of bullying?

I don’t know that we’ll never be able to eliminate all bullies. Even if the laws catch up to the rapidly advancing technology (and thankfully, at least 45 states have signed anti-bullying laws), bullies will thrive wherever there are apathetic bystanders. Evil happens when good people remain silent. And I do believe the majority of kids are good-hearted. We need to find a way to encourage them to stand up when they see someone being bullied or harassed. Is that too much to ask?

If there were less kids laughing at the bully’s jokes, egging the bully on and generally not speaking up for what’s right, would this be less of a problem? I think so. Sometimes all it takes is for one or two bystanders to speak up and say: “No. Stop. That’s not funny.” Silence is complicity and since most bullies are cowards anyway, they’re betting on everyone else to act cowardly, too.

Certainly there is a social cost to speaking up and it makes me wonder if that’s a price many young people aren’t willing to pay. Are they afraid that speaking up will make them a target? Is speaking up on behalf of the defenseless considered uncool? Perhaps this is why parents should be willing to support and intervene in bullying situations. Our kids need to know they’re not alone. If we, as parents, aren’t ready to exercise courage, how can we expect our children to act courageously?

I realize it’s rather unpopular for parents to intervene on their child’s behalf. I’ve heard the research about educating children to solve their own problems. But I think there comes a point when parents should step in. When a bully has targeted a particular child, it’s my job to step in. Otherwise, I’m subjecting my child to a Lord of the Flies environment. The only thing bullies respect is an authority figure bigger and stronger than they are. I don’t like confrontation, but when my child’s safety is in danger, it’s my responsibility to overcome my discomfort and defend my child — and other vulnerable children, too.

However, I can’t do this job alone. I do hope the law will continue to catch up to technology. I say it’s high-time the law considered cyber-bullying a serious crime. But I also firmly believe it’s each parent’s responsibility to be proactive in their children’s lives and social circles.

As a parent, I want to be brave enough to speak up in defense of vulnerable children in my kids’ schools. I urge you to do the same.