Bully Prevention

What are parents to do if their child tells them that he is being bullied?

First, listen; gauge the seriousness of the incident and whether there is a history of such bullying.
Then find out what has been tried and work out options with your child – such as being more assertive, avoiding people and places, and seeking help through the school.
It is tempting to confront the bully’s parents or even the bully. Don’t. It seldom pays and commonly makes matters works. When bullying occurs at school, work through your teacher and principal.
When help is needed, call on the school. It has the prime responsibility for keeping students safe. Schools can help, especially if parents work closely with them.1
One of the most important things that a parent can do in this situation is to talk with your child. Tell your child that you are concerned and that you’d like to help. Here are some questions that can get the discussion going:

I’m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you?
Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way?
Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose?
Sometimes, more subtle questions are needed:

Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with?
Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?
Are there any kids at school who you really don’t like? Why don’t you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things?
It is also important that parents talk with staff at school. Share your concerns about your child and ask the teacher such questions as:

How does my child get along with other students in his or her class?
With whom does he or she spend free time?
Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is bullied by other students? Give examples of some ways that children can be bullied to be sure that the teacher is not focusing only on one kind of bullying (such as physical bullying).2

References:
Ken Rigby, Children, Parents and Social Bullying
Stop Bullying Now! U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Warning Signs that a Child is Being Bullied.

Bullying is a complex and age-old problem with many factors causing its prevalence in our schools. Understanding these factors is the first step to solving the problem of bullying. Also understanding the powers struggles that lead to bullying means a greater chance of finding methods to help stop it.

•Bullying others is a way of feeling powerful. Children need a positive way to feel their personal power.
•Bullying others is a tool for gaining popularity. Children need a different way to feel popular. The challenge is to redirect the child’s leadership potential from negative bullying behaviors to positive leadership skills and opportunities.
•It takes two. The aggressor-victim relationship can involve a complex dynamic between two children. Aggressor-victim relationships may form when a potential aggressor finds a victim who can be successfully dominated because the victim is weaker, has few friends who will stick up for the him or her , and shows signs of suffering (such as crying).
•Social aggression is learned behavior. Research documented from early childhood through mid-adolescence suggests that social aggression or bullying may be more of a learned behavior than physical aggression.
•Peer group reputations stay the same. The reputation of a child or adolescent in the peer group tends to be stable over time (whether a victim or a bully).
•The rewards of bullying stay the same. Bullies do not work alone. The bully forms a coalition with other children in their peer group, which increases their status and helps the bully stay in charge. Because of such rewards, the bullying continues.
•What peers expect of bullies and victims stays the same. Children expect their peers to behave in the same way they always do – for bullies to continue bullying and for victims to continue on the path of victimization. As a result of this, they unintentionally help them to continue their behavior.

References:
1.Dagmar Strohmeier. Bullying and its Underlying Mechanisms.
2.Debra Pepler, Wendy M. Craig. Bullying, Interventions, and The Role of Adults.
3.Noel A. Card. It Takes Two: Rethinking the Aggressor-Victim Relationship.
4.Mara Brendgen. Shoving, Gossip, and Beyond: How Environment Shapes Bullies.
5.Antonius Cillessen. Why is Bullying Difficult to Change?

Bullying is a problem that affects ALL of our children – those who bully, those who are victimized, and those who are witnesses to interpersonal violence.

Statistics on the rates of bullying and cyberbullying vary between studies due to the measures used, the questions asked, and the population studied. However, the general consensus is that one out of three children are bullied at school, in the neighborhood, or online and that one out of three children bully others.

Additionally, the rates of bullying vary considerably across countries. Approximately 9% to 73% of students reported that they have bullied another child, and 2% to 36% of students said that they were the victim of bullying behaviors. When young people, aged 11, 13 and 15 were asked to report on their experiences with bullying and victimization within the preceding two months, prevalence rates ranged from 1% to 50% across 25 countries in Europe and North America.

References:

Shelley Hymel, Susan M. Swearer. Bullying: An age-old problem that needs new solutions.

Elizabeth K. Englander, Ph.D.

What do you do if your child is traumatized by online bullying? And what can be done to help bullies understand the impact of their actions? Those are among the questions about cyberbullying readers asked our expert, Elizabeth K. Englander. Dr. Englander is a professor of psychology and the founder and director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State College, which provides anti-bullying and anti-violence training programs and resources to schools and families.

Q.In the case of cyber- or text-bullying, what do you suggest if the victim’s grades start to drop or he or she feels too degraded to attend school? What type of disciplinary action do you recommend for the aggressors? — Concerned

A.Dr. Englander responds:

You’ve asked two questions here. First, how can you help your child cope with the trauma of being cyberbullied? And second, what is the appropriate way for schools to respond?

Let’s begin by addressing the first question. I’ve seen many kids traumatized by both bullying and cyberbullying, and it is an undeniably painful ordeal for both you and your child. Parents want to just take away the hurt, but as with all traumas, an instant solution isn’t going to be possible. So the trick is to focus on (a) restoring your child’s sense of safety in school, and (b) building up his or her other emotional resources so that the trauma has as little impact as possible.

You may need to meet with your school’s administrator and your child’s teachers to construct a plan to improve your child’s sense of safety in school. Consider possibilities like: can we reduce the contact between my child and the bully as much as possible? Can we increase the contact between my child and the children he or she likes and enjoys being with? Can we increase adult supervision?

It’s also helpful to plan how your child will handle unstructured settings — for example, you don’t want your child to have to walk into a cafeteria and be faced with having to find a safe place to eat. A table with friends, or at least friendly children, should be prearranged and ready and waiting, with an adult who has an eye on it.

Finally, a big part of the plan should be a safe person whom your child can see, upon demand, until he or she feels better about school. Ask your child whom he or she particularly likes. Is it the principal? Or a guidance counselor? Or maybe the school nurse? Arrange to have that individual tell your child, in person, that he or she may come visit anytime, with no restrictions. Although some children will exploit this privilege to avoid schoolwork, that is a separate issue that can be addressed later — their sense of safety must come first.

It’s important to build up a child’s emotional resources by underlining that there are people who love and care for them. Arrange for play dates for your child, or offer to let your child host a party for friends. Spend more family time together, and do something fun that the kids will really enjoy. The goal is to make their good feelings about the people in their lives “stick out” more than their anxieties or fears around the cyber-related incidents.

Your second question is about the appropriate response for schools. This is a trickier problem. Generally speaking, my understanding of the law (with the caveat that I’m not a lawyer) is that schools are limited to responding to misbehavior that occurs either on school grounds or that has a “substantial disruption” upon the school. That term, “substantial disruption,” is a legal term, and it has not been really defined by the courts. When an incident involving cyberbullying occurs, school administrators must make a judgment call: it may be true that a child has been traumatized, but has the incident caused a “substantial disruption” to our school? If the answer is “no,” then regardless of your child’s emotional state, schools may feel that they cannot, legally, opt to discipline a cyberbully.

Legal constraints, however, do not mean that the school’s hands are 100 percent tied. There are still important ways that the school staff can respond to cyberbullying, even when they determine that there is no disciplinary jurisdiction.

School administrators and other staff members can and should try to support and help the child or children who are the targets, as I’ve discussed above. They should educate potential cyberbullies about the risks that they are taking online — perhaps by arranging a meeting in the principal’s office — and they should warn students that any further bullying or retaliation in school will not be tolerated. They should also warn the target’s teachers to be on the lookout for any such bullying, and they should make a safety plan in conjunction with the target’s parents. Finally, they should check back with the target and his or her parents to ensure that no further incidents are being overlooked, and that the target is progressing towards a better and more safe feeling about school.

The bottom line is that this issue is new to all of us, parents as well as educators. You may not only need to help your child through this trauma, you may need to help educate your school’s administrators as well. Free materials on our Web site, MARCcenter.org, might help. Good luck.

Q.What should the teachers/administrators and parents do to help the bullies? I am a teacher and I can console and counsel the bullied students, but it is the bullies themselves I worry about. They seem to have no empathy and no concern for the consequences of their actions. They mostly think what they are doing is funny. I don’t know how to help them understand how hurtful they are being. I fear they will turn to worse crimes as they grow older, as they have no respect for other people’s feelings or property.

A.I commend you for your empathy. So many K-12 teachers today are feeling overwhelmed by this problem that the difficulties faced by bullies themselves often get lost in the mix.

Of course it’s true that victims and targets need to be the first concern, but adults should be concerned about all children — including those who are trying to engage us by misbehaving severely. One principle of our society (and our legal system) is that children can, and should, be rehabilitated — we should at least try.

That being said, what needs to happen with bullies? Much of their callousness is probably posturing, since statistically speaking, it just isn’t likely that we’ve bred that many children who truly lack all empathy. And of course, remember that bullies are typically rewarded by their peers for appearing indifferent — particularly as adolescence approaches. And right there is where we need to start.

Bullies need to learn empathy, but first and foremost, they need to learn to adhere to the rules of society and of their school. This means that we need to ensure that they understand the rules and the consequences if they break them, and then we must follow through with any consequences that we have already identified. Following through is often the hard part, but it must be done.

In addition, the bullies’ peers need to learn about their own behaviors that support and enable bullying. If a bully finds himself or herself isolated for bullying, that is a powerful incentive to stop.

Finally, you want to know how to help these children be empathetic — to not simply behave properly, but believe that it’s right to behave correctly. This final goal may not be within the reach of an educator. The child’s parents may need a referral to a good psychological counselor who can help this child understand why he or she persists in abusing others.

Bullying is a huge epidemic in schools across the country that needs to be stopped. Most schools cannot get a handle on stopping bullying.

Many people suffer from this each and every day. That is why bullying needs to be stopped and or prevented.

I experienced an issue of bullying firsthand. My experience lasted so long that I had to switch schools just to focus. My problems happened in places where there is no supervision, like in the gym locker rooms and in the hallways. Even if there was supervision, there was no stopping this issue. More action against this is needed — more severe punishments or just teaching kids to be nice.

Authorities at the school where I was highly bullied thought it would be beneficial to take me out of the social scene all together. This made me feel like I was the bad guy and it did not help in the end.

Without stopping or preventing this issue, it could end up making the world crumble. Authorities and students need to be made aware of how bad bullying has become.

Please stand up for students who are bullied as they may feel as they do not have a voice. Talk to the schools to ensure safety, and get programs of prevention started. If everyone is made aware, maybe it can make a difference.

Kevin Bradford, Lexington

DA Says Reports In South Hadley Increasing

Boston – Just months after 15-year-old Phoebe Prince committed suicide in South Hadley after relentless bullying, allegedly by other students, more teens are saying they’re still being tormented.

The Prince case brought a lot of attention to South Hadley, and yet, at least six other students have since come forward saying they’ve been bullied, state prosecutors said.

After the Prince suicide, the entire country took notice and the state Legislature passed a law to address bullying, and the town has now adopted new rules.

But according to the Boston Herald, the district attorney there said reports of bullying are increasing.

It’s troubling after so much attention over the past several months has focused on taking care of the problem.

State law now requires school staff to report harassment they find out about and the law targets bullying not only in the classroom, but also online.

Nonetheless, the Herald spoke with at least one parent who said she’s afraid to send her son back to school in the fall. His case is now in the courts.

The New York Legislature had a chance this session to mount a major offensive against bullying in public schools. It only went partway with a measure, now headed for Gov. David Paterson, that puts the force of state law against bullying and requires staff training on the issue.
The measure addresses the kind of overt bullying faculty, staff or other students might see in the hallways, in the cafeteria, on the gym floor, around school grounds or on buses. What it doesn’t tackle is the kind of bullying that can easily go undetected — bullying that takes place on Internet social networking pages or on a string of cell phone text messages. It’s called cyber-bullying, and it can be deadly.
The residents of South Hadley, Mass., found that out in January when 15-year-old Phoebe Prince, who had moved to the community from Ireland, hanged herself in response to harassing remarks and humiliating names she had been called on sites such as Twitter, Facebook and even Craigslist, according to published reports.
Legislation approved by the New York Assembly and Senate would go a long way toward preventing bullying at schools by prohibiting harassment and discrimination on school grounds and by mandating training for school staff on how to spot and handle bullying.
Those steps are hardly insignificant, as proved by the backing they have from groups such as the New York State United Teachers and the New York Civil Liberties Union. It is the kind of law that puts school districts on high alert and could avert incidents that can erode a school district’s reputation. It also can minimize ongoing, expensive legal battles like the Amelia Kearney discrimination and harassment case against the Ithaca City School District that stemmed from incidents in 2004-05. The case was dismissed by a state Supreme Court judge in 2009, but the student’s lawyer has pledged to continue the legal fight.
Likewise, a lawsuit involving the Vestal district and a student who reported being bullied in the mid-1990s was still in the courts in 2006 when the state Appellate Division refused a district request to dismiss the suit, which the student’s father filed in 2005.
The bill on its way to Paterson would increase school districts’ accountability for bullying on school grounds, a proposal that had been introduced without success in previous sessions. So the bill, even without cyber-bullying provisions, is an improvement that has the potential of making schools less intimidating for students who are picked on for various reasons, ranging from the way they look to the color of their skin to their sexual orientation.
But the missing component of cyber-bullying leaves the door open for a subversive type of harassment that can be even more damaging than a physical confrontation. The bill Paterson will consider gives state school districts until July 1, 2012 to come up with anti-bullying training measures.
With that generous timetable, there’s an opportunity in future legislative sessions to strengthen this measure, add cyber-bulling to the mix and quite possibly save a student’s life.

A lot of young people have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it every day! Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. Usually, bullying happens over and over.

• Punching, shoving, and other acts that hurt people physically
• Spreading bad rumors about people
• Keeping certain people out of a “group”
• Teasing people in a mean way
• Getting certain people to “gang up” on others

Bullying also can happen online or electronically. Cyberbullying is when children or teens bully each other using the Internet, mobile phones, or other cybertechnology. This can include:
• Sending mean text, e-mail, or instant messages
• Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on websites
• Using someone else’s user name to spread rumors or lies about someone

Unfortunately, not everyone takes bullying seriously, including adults. This is one of the main reasons that the Youth Expert Panel has worked alongside the representatives of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and the Maternal and Child Health Bureau (MCHB) to develop the “Take A Stand. Lend A Hand. Stop Bullying Now!” campaign.
There are all kinds of reasons why young people bully others, either occasionally or often. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
• Because I see others doing it
• Because it’s what you do if you want to hang out with the right crowd
• Because it makes me feel, stronger, smarter, or better than the person I’m bullying
• Because it’s one of the best ways to keep others from bullying me

Whatever the reason, bullying is something we all need to think about. Whether we’ve done it ourselves or whether friends or other people we know are doing it, we all need to recognize that bullying has a terrible effect on the lives of young people. It may not be happening to you today, but it could tomorrow. Working together, we can make the lives of young people better.

The Garden State Uses ‘Stop Bullying Now!’
New Jersey is one of the more than 30 states that have adopted a state law on bullying prevention in recent years. New Jersey’s anti-bullying law states that harassment and bullying will not be tolerated on school property, at school-sponsored events, or on school buses.

From Julie Cannold, CNN

New York (CNN) — The New York state senate passed passed an anti-bullying bill Tuesday night to protect all students from discrimination, including that based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

The state assembly had already passed the bill — as it had eight times previously in the last 11 years — and Gov. David Paterson is expected to sign it into law. Bill sponsor Sen. Thomas Duane said it will be “the first time protections for our transgendered community will be enshrined in New York law.”

“The language included protections based not just on sexual orientation but also gender identity and expression,” said Duane, “and unfortunately there was resistance to being inclusive of people of transgender experience and generally the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) community.”

But a spokesman for Sen. Dale Volker, one of three Republicans to vote against the bill in the otherwise bipartisan 58-3 vote, denied that his “no” vote had anything to do with gender identity or sexual orientation.

“No one wants children to be bullied,” said C.D. Miller, Volker’s spokesman. “It’s an inequitable bill. It only protected children from bullying in public schools and did not afford students who attend other schools like Catholic, Lutheran or Jewish schools the same protection.”

Courts have generally ruled that government cannot make laws pertaining to the internal workings of private schools, particularly religious schools.

The “Dignity for All Students Act” calls on school officials to address bullying and bias-related harassment of all kinds that interfere with student safety and learning.

With the bill, New York joins only a handful of other states with an “enumerated” anti-bullying bill, meaning that it specifically lists the types of bullying and discrimination it covers. New York’s bill bans harassment of students by employees and other students while on school property, prohibits discrimination based on race, color, weight, nationality, ethnic group, religion, disability, sexual orientation or gender and requires the reporting of bias related incidents to the state Education Department.

Right wing organizations like the American Family Association have lobbying against the bill and others like it, arguing its enumeration of the types of bullying prohibited make bullying a “thought crime.”

In addition, the bill requires schools to develop guidelines to be used in school training programs to discourage discrimination and to incorporate harassment awareness and sensitivity training into the education curriculum.

“No child should be terrified to go to school simply because of who they are. There is no place for bullying and discrimination in New York’s classrooms,” said Duane.

The bill had passed in the New York State Assembly nine times according to New York State Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell, who sponsored the bill in the Assembly.

“Every student deserves an environment free of harassment and discrimination, an environment that allows every child to reach his or her full potential.” said Rep. Daniel O’Donnell, who sponsored the bill in the assembly.

2 Men Charged With Conspiracy For Their Roles In Tattooing Incident

CONCORD, NH — A Concord man accused of watching his friends tattoo a 14-year-old against his will pleaded not guilty in court on Tuesday.

Travis Johnston, 18, of Concord, was arraigned on charges of conspiracy to commit endangering the welfare of a minor, and criminal liability to conduct of another.

Another Concord man charged in the case, Donald Wyman, 20, waived his arraignment on similar charges.

Mug Shots: Teens Charged After Tattooing Incident
On May 10, the ninth-grade victim left Concord High School for three hours and went to Johnston’s home, where the tattoo was done a weight bench in the basement, according to police.

Johnston and Wyman are accused of watching two of their friends, Blake Vannest, 18, and Ryan Fisk, 19, both of Concord, give the boy the derogatory tattoo on his rear end.

Suspect’s Mom: Son’s Swastika Tattoos ‘Horrified Me Most’
Johnston said in an interview with News 9 following the incident that he blamed himself for letting it take place in his own home.

“Before I got in trouble, I regretted it,” he said. “I wish it never happened.”

Police said in exchange for getting the tattoo, the boy, who they say is intellectually challenged, was promised he would no longer be bullied at school.

In an interview with WMUR News 9, the boy’s parents said the four people charged in connection with the incident should have to pay for the removal of the tattoo and undergo some counseling.

Vannest and Fisk face several charges, including tattooing without a license.

Johnston, Wyman and Fisk are free on bail. Vannest is still behind bars.