Bully Prevention

WAUPUN — Police are investigating a bullying incident last week that drove a Waupun teen to attempt to set himself on fire in a school bathroom.

According to interim Superintendent Don Childs, a male middle school student entered Waupun Area Jr./Sr. High School on April 25 with a water bottle filled with gasoline. The teen allegedly doused himself with gasoline in a school bathroom around 11 a.m., with the intention of setting himself on fire, he said.

Childs said the teen came to the school office smelling of gasoline and told school officials what he had done.

“It was a premeditated act on his part. He told staff he didn’t want to kill himself, but had wanted to hurt himself. Fortunately, he was unsuccessful in trying to ignite himself,” Childs said.

The teen, who is currently hospitalized, told staff he was a victim of bullying by classmates. While the school has anti-bullying programs in place, Childs said the bullying incidents may have happened outside of school.

“It’s not to say that he wasn’t being bullied inside school. But sometimes what happens outside of the school day is very often out of our control,” Childs said. “We do, however, have the names of students who were singling him out and picking on him.”

Childs said that school Police Liaison Officer Patti Toll is investigating the incident.

“As soon as they land on who these individuals are, you can be sure that anything that can be attributed to them is going to be dealt with in a disciplinarian fashion with the parents being involved,” he said.

Waupun Deputy Police Chief Mindy Hendricks said the investigation is ongoing and no charges or referrals have been made.

“Depending on what we find out, there could be disciplinary measures taken at school or a referral for charges could be forwarded to Juvenile Services,” Hendricks said.

In addition to drug and alcohol abuse education, Hendricks said anti-bullying messages are stressed by Toll to the student population.

“(Toll) has taken a strong stance against bullying in schools and tries to make students aware of the effects it can have on the victim,” Hendricks said. “A bully may say something to one kid and the words roll right off their back. But to another kid — with issues going on in his life — may not be able to handle that. Oftentimes the bullies don’t know the difference between the two.”

Childs said access to online media sites like Facebook and texting has elevated bullying to a whole new level — especially at the middle school where social hierarchy is of great importance to students. He is unsure whether cyber-bullying was involved in the April 25 incident.

“While bullying is nothing new, unfortunately it’s taken on an even uglier turn than we’ve seen before simply because of the 24/7 nature of access to the internet,” Childs said. “And another part of the problem is that the role modeling of adults around these (bullies) is less than stellar.

“We see a lot of adult behavior that’s built on incivility rather than trying to solve our differences,” he said. “And as long as that’s the case, I’m afraid the kind of bullying that occurs is going to continue to be pretty damaging.”

Kid’s Doctor

Bullying isn’t just about emotional and physical taunts and pushes – it can lead to other serious health issues and also be an indicator of a dangerous home life.

Children who are bullied, or who bully others, or who are bullies and victims of being bullied are at a greater risk for a broad range of health issues including family violence, and intentional self-harm, according to a new U.S. study.

In a survey of 5,807 middle-school and high-school students from almost 138 Massachusetts public schools, researchers found that those involved in bullying in any way are more likely to contemplate suicide and engage in self-harm, compared to other students.

Children who are bullies are more likely to suffer abuse from a family member, or witness to home violence, compared to other students who were not bullies or victims.

A bully is defined as a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. In schools it is defined also as repeatedly teasing, hitting, threatening, kicking or excluding other students. Social media has also become a weapon used against others by bullies.

After adjusting for other factors, the odds ratio of a middle school student being physically hurt by a family member, for example, was 2.9 for victims of bullying, 4.4 for bullies, and 5.0 for those who were both bullies and victims, compared to other students. The odds ratio for witnessing violence at home was, respectively, 2.6, 2.9, and 3.9.

The odds ratio for a high school student to be physically hurt by a family member was 2.8 for victims, 3.8 for bullies, and 5.4 for bully-victims, compared to students who were not involved in bullying; for witnessing violence at home, the odds ratio for high school students was 2.3, 2.7 and 6.8, respectively.

Previous research has linked bullying with poor grades, substance use and mental health issues. This report concludes that the health risks and home environment for teens involved in bullying are much worse than for kids who have no experience with bullying.

“The results underscore the importance of primary prevention programs, as well as comprehensive programs and strategies that involve families,” researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.

A successful prevention program should include school officials, staff members, students and parents, with access to health and mental health services an essential component, they added, while noting that classroom programs alone are ineffective.

The findings are published in the April 22 issue of the CDC’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.

The statistics revealed by the study are not surprising in today’s hyper society, but are very different from 20 years ago. More population in the schools, media glorification on television and in the movies, plus new media tools boost the opportunities children have to bully as well as present a different interpretation of what is considered acceptable behavior by children and young adults.

Of the students surveyed, middle school students (44 percent) were more likely than high school students (30.5 percent) to have some involvement in bullying.

Researchers found that 26.8 percent of middle-school students reported being bullied compared to 15.6 percent of high-school students. But fewer middle-school students (7.5 percent) than high-school students (8.4 percent) reported being bullies themselves.

In both age ranges, more males than females admitted to bullying, and more females said they were victims than males.

Among high school students, 6.5 percent reported being bully-victims. A little less than 10 percent of middle school students said they were bully-victims. Health risks were greater for bully-victims than for those who saw themselves as just bullies or just victims, the report said.

The majority of students in both age ranges — 56 percent of middle school students and 69.5 percent of high school students — said they were neither bullies nor victims.

The researchers cited several limitations in the study, including a low response rate and its reliance on self-reporting. Recall is not always accurate and may be subject to bias, experts say.

The CDC has launched a program, Striving to Reduce Youth Violence Everywhere, to help communities promote safe environments for students.

A survey of teachers has suggested that girls’ behavior in the classroom is worse now than five years ago.

According to a poll by the Association of  Teachers and Lecturers, a fifth believe girls are now more difficult than boys.

Almost half thought the behaviour of girls had deteriorated over the past five years, with nearly as many saying it had got worse in the past two years.

In comparison, 43 per cent said boys’ behaviour had declined in two years.

The poll of more than 800 teachers found boys were more likely to be disrespectful and verbally and physically aggressive and girls were more likely to be bullies.

Four times as many teachers had seen girls bullying than boys, making snide comments or leaving a fellow pupil out.

“Girls are often sneakier. They often say nasty things which end up disrupting the lesson just as much as the boys,” the Daily Express quoted one primary teacher as saying.

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Researchers at a new University at Buffalo national research center say the United States lags behind in the struggle to address and prevent bullying, and have begun to detail how to help victims and stop what they call “child abuse by children.”

“Bullying is a serious issue,” says Janice DeLucia-Waack, program director for the School Counseling Graduate Program in UB’s Graduate School of Education and on the advisory board for the university’s Jean M. Alberti Center for the Prevention of Bullying, Abuse and School Violence. “And we are behind other countries.”

A video interview with DeLucia-Waack is available here.

“For a long time in this country it has been just kids being kids, and (an assumption) that this bullying did not have long-term consequences,” says DeLucia-Waack. “But we’ve started to look at research in other countries and see that it does. Then we started to collect data in more recent years that has shown that there truly are serious long-term consequences.”

Bullying — an issue NBC network news has called a “national epidemic” and the object of an ongoing White House anti-bullying campaign after President Obama said he was bullied as a child for his “large ears and funny name” — will be the top priority in UB’s Jean M. Alberti Center for the Prevention of Bullying, Abuse and School Violence.

The Alberti Center has named a new director, who will begin work at UB on July 15. DeLucia-Waack was a member of the search committee, and has co-authored a story on the best ways to combat bullying for Newsweek.

“I think almost all of us could give some incidents where we were teased or bullied,” DeLucia-Waack says. “I think we can all understand what it’s like to be bullied. And it does pull at your heart. It really does.”

UB’s research and preparation for its emerging anti-bullying and school violence center — made possible thanks to what DeLucia-Waack calls a “very generous donor” — has shown the bullying phenomenon goes beyond the primary and high school classroom to bullying on the job, on athletic teams, on college campuses and what has become the newest bullying vehicle — the Internet.

“It doesn’t seem to go away,” says DeLucia-Waack. “And there really are some long-term consequences. We have these suicides. There has always been some, but I think they have become more public. The other thing we know is that kids who were bullied sometimes turn around and bully later on. Or they become abusers; domestic violence or date-rapers.

“If you feel powerless and then you suddenly decide, ‘I can be powerful,'” she says. “So there is a long-term effect we’re just starting to realize, for the bullies as well as the people being bullied.”

Just what works and how to address bullying and child abuse by children will be a chief task of UB’s Jean M. Alberti Center for the Prevention of Bullying Abuse and School Violence. But DeLucia-Waack’s research and study of existing research shows some common guidelines:

Define Bullying:

A successful Upstate New York program made a point of defining the code of conduct for types of bullying. Then it trained teachers in what to look for. Know the difference between kids having a fight one day, she says, and bullying. Conflict resolution and peer mediation works well for peer conflict. The same kind of response can only inflame bullying behavior.

Establish Clear Consequences, Beyond Punishment:

“I say this all the time,” she says. “Schools are in the business of educating kids. So we can’t just punish them. We are supposed to teach kids social-emotional learning standards. We are supposed to help them become better people later on. So we have got to teach them better communications skills. We’ve got to teach them how to get along.”

Start with the Teacher, Especially in Primary or Secondary Schools:

“That’s the place to say, ‘Do you notice anything different?'” DeLucia-Waack says. “These teachers have a lot of ownership of their kids. So start with that teacher.”

Recognize Bullying Is a Power Issue, Immune to Methods That Solve Problems Between Students:

“What we do know is clearly you do not put the bully and the person who is being bullied in the same room,” she says. “It’s about power, and the bully is going to use that power, and they are probably going to retaliate against that other person later on. So that is an absolute no-no, and sometimes people are still doing that.”

“The Kids Have Got to Get Involved”:

“The kids have to take charge, because if the kids do not own it, they are not going to tell the teachers. They are not going to police themselves,” she says. “At the same time, teachers and administrators have to be a key piece to this.”

A Center at the University at Buffalo Means Progress:

The research to take place within UB’s Jean M. Alberti Center for the Prevention of Bullying, Abuse and School Violence will be key, DeLucia-Waack says, because most researchers point out the need for a national center to organize and catalogue diverse research throughout the country.

“There is not one clear center where people go to for bullying research,” she says. “So if we can serve as the main clearing house, that place where people look at our website, where we hold a conference once a year and everyone wants to come, where the people doing the research and the cutting-edge practice come to present, and the other people come and learn, we would do that.

“Having interviewed very different people for our director position, there are all these things going on all around the country, and people are not talking to each other.”

The University at Buffalo is a premier research-intensive public university, a flagship institution in the State University of New York system and its largest and most comprehensive campus. UB’s more than 28,000 students pursue their academic interests through more than 300 undergraduate, graduate and professional degree programs. Founded in 1846, the University at Buffalo is a member of the Association of American Universities.

A 12-year-old Staten Island boy has been charged with assault as a hate crime for taunting, beating up on, and attempting to rip the headscarf off of a female classmate. Osman Daramy and an unnamed accomplice demanded to know if the girl was Muslim, and when she told them to leave her alone, he punched and kicked her.

The attacks continued for months, until the girl had enough and reported the abuse to the assistant principal of her school, who then reported it to the police. The underage troublemaker is being held without bail for a third-degree assault as a hate crime. In addition to his abuse of this girl, Osman apparently enjoyed treating his peers like garbage — he’s already been suspended three times this year, and just this week cut a chunk of hair off another female classmate’s head.

Osman’s father, Frank Davies, claims his son is a victim, and that ‘they’ are out to get him because he himself is a Muslim and African-American. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the kid’s malicious and hateful treatment of his peers.

The adolescent hooligan is being held without bail, and due to his juvenile status, the case will be handled in Family Court.

This case is being handled in a dramatically different manner than if the crimes had occurred in some parts of the Middle East. Earlier this year, 14-year-old Hena Akhter was sentenced (illegally) in Bangladesh to the punishment of 101 lashes for the crime of being raped by a male cousin her father’s age. She dropped after 70 and died later that week from her injuries.

Sharia law has been outlawed for years in many Muslim countries, but it is still practiced regularly in many rural areas. Authority figures like the doctor that reported no injuries and cited Hena’s death as a suicide on her autopsy report allow the practice of Sharia to continue.

Sharia is not kind to women. Rape victims are routinely brutalized. Women are beaten simply for dating non-Muslim men. Fathers lock their daughters in closets for four months as punishment for sitting next to a boy at lunch.

Knowing the atrocities committed against Muslim women in other parts of the world, I am grateful to live in a country where there is justice for females. No girl of any religion should ever have to fear punishment for the crime of existing.

I hope that whatever punishment Osman Daramy receives for his mistreatment of his peers is enough to make him knock it off. If not … well, that’s why we have a criminal justice system.

(CBS) Can being bullied damage youngsters’ self-esteem and undermine their ability to make new friends and forge family relationships? Apparently so, at least if they have fur and four paws.

In a new study from Rockefeller University, mice that had been pushed around by dominant males grew unusually nervous in the presence of new company. That change of behavior could affect everything from courtship and “pair-bonding” to parenting abilities, researcher Yoav Litvin said in a written statement.

Litvin and colleagues conducted a series of experiments in which young mice were put into cages with larger, older mice. After the turf battles that the young mice inevitably lost, the mice were separated by a partition that allowed them to see, smell, and hear one another – a stressful experience for the loser.

When the bullied mice were then put into cages with non-threatening mice, they seemed unusually fearful and reserved. And when researchers then examined the brains of the bullied mice, they found changes indicating heightened sensitivity to a hormone called vasopressin – which in humans is associated with aggression, stress, and anxiety.

The good news? The discovery of the brain chemistry changes suggests doctors may be able to develop drugs to counteract the effects of bullying in humans.

“The identification of brain neuroendocrine systems that are affected by stress opens the door for possible pharmacological interventions,” Litvin said in the statement. “Additionally, studies have shown that the formation and maintenance of positive social relationships may heal some of the damage of bullying.”

The study was published in Physiology & Behavior.

During the recent White House Bullying Summit, the president challenged the people who work in bullying prevention to look at their current work and see where we could improve. His request came at a time when I’d actually been thinking about the same thing. Why? Because about a month ago I was asked to review a commonly used bullying prevention guideline often given to parents and children. As I read it, I realized that I had never taken the time to read these guidelines and I should have because they weren’t as good as they need to be.

Among the advice I thought was most counterproductive?

“Ignore the bully.” By the time a child reaches out to an adult, the vast majority of kids have been dealing with the bullying and trying to ignore it for a long time. The only thing that happens when you tell a kid to ignore the bully, is that they no longer think you care or are capable of helping them.

“Explain to your child that bullies are weak and insecure.” Who cares? Even if that were true, the bullies themselves don’t believe it, and that fact doesn’t help the target respond effectively to the problem.

“To avoid being bullied develop friendships and remember there is safety in numbers.” This is an example of a tip that is simply not reflective of the reality of people’s lives. Sometimes bullies are your friends and very rarely do bullying prevention tips acknowledge this fact or what to do about it. Equally unhelpful and inadequate is “safety in numbers” because you can’t depend on that being the case. In truth there’s sometimes danger in numbers because people are often encouraged by the group to fight or at the least not back down from a situation.

This information is regularly given out at schools all over the country and specifically when people are in great distress. In such a situation, advice has to be good. As educators on this issue, we owe it to the families we work with to give them our best. We have to look at our standard protocols and advice and ask ourselves a very simple question: Do we give people effective information?

So I’ve done a little revising to these tips. I don’t have all the answers and it’s likely I overlooked something so I encourage you to make suggestions to what you see here. I will start off here with guidelines for the target. I’ll follow later with guidelines for the bystander and the bully. I look forward to seeing what you think.

If you are being bullied:
Many kids who are bullied feel helpless. Sometimes, they think the only thing they can do is hope the problem will go away. But there are things you can do to get some control in the situation and it starts with developing a strategy and a support system.

The moment it’s happening:
• Breathe. Observe who is around. Breathe again.
• Ask yourself what the bully is doing that you want stopped and what you want them to do instead.
• If you can, find the courage to say those feelings. For example, “Stop pushing me into the lockers, I want to walk down the hallway in peace. I know you can do whatever you want, but I want you to stop.” Or, “Stop sending texts to everyone in the grade that no one should talk to me.”
• If you can walk away, think about walking towards safety not away from the bully. For example, walk towards a classroom where you can see a teacher you trust. If you are in a park, walk towards a group of adults or a coach.
• Don’t retaliate or threaten to retaliate. This often leads to an escalation of the bullying.

If you are being bullied online:
Any time someone is bullied through social networking, a cell phone, or any type of social media, it can be really hard not to want to defend yourself by retaliating or finding out why this person is attacking you. Sleeping with your phone in your bedroom is never a good idea, but it’s even worse when you’re bullied online because it’s too tempting to stay up all night trying to “fix” the situation — which isn’t possible anyway. Same thing goes with a computer. Sleep is hard anyway when you know people are saying mean things about you, but it’s impossible if you’re checking Facebook, Twitter, and your texts all night.

After the bullying has occurred:
Remember that reporting a bully is not snitching. People snitch when all they want to do is get the person in trouble. People report when they have a problem that is too big for them to solve on their own. People who report bullying are doing the right thing. And the reality is adults can’t address the problem if they don’t know about it.

Report the bullying to an ally: An ally is an adult that you trust to help you think through your problems. An ally can be a parent or guardian, a teacher or counselor. Avoid describing the bullying in generalities like, “He is being mean.” Be specific about the bullying behavior, where you are when it occurs, and what you need to feel safe.

If you are scared to go to school, show up for practice, or any other activity, tell your ally or the adult who is in charge. It is not your fault that you are being bullied, and you have the right to be in school and participate in after-school activities, just like everyone else.

What do you do if the bully is a friend?
It’s always important to have strong friendships that you can depend on, but sometimes the bully can be a friend. If that happens ask yourself the following questions about your friendship.

• What are the three most important things I need in a friendship? (Most people say, trust, respect, and honesty)
• Are my friends treating me according to what I need in a friendship?
• If my friends aren’t treating me according to my standards, why am I in this friendship? Is it worth it?
• If my friends were nice to me tomorrow, do I believe the bullying will stop or am I hoping for the best and putting all the power in their hands?

If you’re the adult who is helping the child or teen think through these questions, it’s OK for them to think about their answers. They need to come up with the answers for themselves so they can internalize the realization that the cost is too high to maintain these relationships.

The following video was posted on Facebook originally, and is beginning to cause quite a stir.

Writes the poster on Facebook, Merlsification: “The larger kid on the right, is my son’s friend Casey – thankfully they don’t go to the same school. Poor Casey has been bullied his whole high school life, and this is what happens when he snaps!! But guess who was suspended in this scenario – Casey!!”

The bullied kid who fought back already has his own Facebook support page.

By AISHA SULTAN
St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Most kids never report getting bullied. Not to their parents or school. Jackie Humans, author of “15 Ways to ZAP a Bully!” shared these five steps for parents to educate and arm their children before it gets out of hand.

Step 1: Kids don’t report getting bullied for lots of reasons but the biggest reason may be the saddest: targets of bullying almost always blame themselves. Parents should bring up the subject of bullying by making it clear that NO ONE deserves to be bullied, no matter how imperfect or flawed they may be. Not even bullies deserve to be bullied.

Point out a universal truth: bullies do what they do because it makes them feel good. And anyone who takes pleasure out of being mean to another person deserves our pity. Because taking joy from hurting someone else is as low as you can go as a human being, and anyone who does that must be very, very damaged on the inside.

Casting the bully in the light of someone people should feel sorry for lets a child begin to think of the bully as the one who has a major problem, not them. This realization does two things: first, it helps kids to stop responding in an angry or upset way, which is the kind of reaction bullies thrive on, and secondly, it makes room in your child’s brain to start viewing the bullying in a dispassionate, intellectual way. Reaching this stage of the game is literally half the battle.

Step 2: Remind your child how important it is to be aware of the power of their body language. Kids should be reminded that what they say isn’t anywhere near as important as the way they say it.

When standing up to a bully, appearances count for everything. The statement, “You think you’re cool but you’re just a bully!” won’t deter a bully if the speaker has hunched shoulders, fails to make eye contact, or is using a whiny tone of voice. Bullies can spot the kind of body language that telegraphs, “I’m not feeling sure of myself.”

On the other hand, a child who stands just a little too close to the bully, with their shoulders squared, and making strong eye contact while saying, “Watch it!” is going to make a much stronger impression on the bully, even though their actual words may not be particularly eloquent.

Step 3: When kids come up with their own ideas for deflating bullies, they’re not only more likely to remember them, they’re more likely to implement them, too. Now that your child understands how important body language is, help them come up with their own comebacks.

Start by brainstorming together with a “no holds barred” approach. Encourage them to suggest as many responses as they can before you start winnowing down the unsuitable ones. The ones that make the grade are safe to use, aren’t terribly hurtful, and are easy to recall.

If your child has trouble getting started, it’s OK to suggest simple responses such as, “So?” When a target just keeps repeating, “So?” while looking bored, it’s demoralizing for the bully because now they’re the one who’s starting to look pretty uncool.

Step 4: Practice role-playing games with your child by taking the role of the target while your child takes the role of the bully. This approach has two advantages: First, kids feel reluctant to take the role of the target when they aren’t very good at it yet. And second, the best way to learn something is to teach it to someone else.

Make sure you let your child know that you’re depending on them to point out any mistakes you might make, whether it’s forgetting to make eye contact, whining, or slouching. By being the kind of target who makes every mistake in the book, you’re affording your child many opportunities for learning how not to respond to a bully.

When your child has ‘mastered’ what not to do, then you can safely switch roles. Remember: nothing improves a child’s hearing like praise.

Step 5: Sometimes a bullying situation has gone on so long that your child simply doesn’t have enough self- confidence to confront the bully without help from an adult. That’s why it’s an excellent idea to teach your child the five W’s of reporting bullying: who, what, when, where, and most importantly, witnesses.

When schools can corroborate a student’s claims of being bullied by independently and discreetly interviewing bystanders who saw what happened, it’s no longer a question of expecting the school to take your child’s word against the bully’s.

Written by
Claudine Ewing

BUFFALO, NY – Bullying – it’s a topic parents, teachers and students are discussing across the nation and in Western New York.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional.

2 On Your Side’s Claudine Ewing discussed the topic at length with students; how it happens, the impact it has on students, and the ways it’s being combated in one local school district.

Alyssa says, “it’s not the traditional give me your lunch money, it’s more dirty looks and two word horrible slurs, just mean things.”

Elizabeth is only 10-years-old and says, “I’ve been bullied now for a while now since kindergarten until now and it really hurt me and I don’t want anyone else getting hurt. It doesn’t feel good to get bullied. It makes you feel like no one appreciates you and it makes you feel like you’re unwanted.”

Child and Family Services has a Bullying Prevention Program that is in place in the Cheektowaga-Sloan Schools. Elementary school students are taught how to handle bullies and why they shouldn’t bully.

In most cases, bullying is repeated over time. Traditionally, bullying has involved actions such as: hitting or punching (physical bullying), teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying). In recent years, technology has given children and youth a new means of bullying each other, it is called cyber-bullying.

Stop Bullying Now is an initiative of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to help students and parents. There are several tips on how to intervene and react on the spot to bullying.

If you are being bullied….

-Reach Out: Tell an adult. Sometimes you may have to tell more than one trusted adult. Ask your friends to help you.

-Be Cool in the Moment: Stay calm and confident. Don’t show the bully that you’re sad or mad. Ignore the bully and walk away. Fighting back can make bullying worse.

-Change the School Community: Work with others to stop bully behavior.

If you witness bullying…

-Interrupt It: Stand next to, or speak up for, the person being bullied.
Ask the bully to stop. Comfort the person being bullied and offer friendship.

-Get Help: Walk away and get help.

If you are the bully…

-Make a Commitment to Change: Talk to an adult, like a teacher or parent, about how to get along with others. Ask a friend to help you stop your bully behavior. Apologize to the kids you have bullied.

-Focus on Empathy and Responsibility: Think about what it feels like to be bullied — would you want to be treated that way?

-Change Your Behavior: Resist peer pressure to bully.
If you start to bully, walk away and find something else to do.
Remember: You don’t have to like everyone around you, but you have to treat everyone with respect.

According to the CDC, youth violence refers to harmful behaviors that may start early and continue into young adulthood.