Bully Prevention

By BRUCE SHIPKOWSKI and BILL NEWILL (AP) –

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Colleges should adopt a code of conduct that prohibits bullying and harassment in the wake of the suicide of a Rutgers University student whose gay sexual encounter in his dorm room was streamed online, U.S. Sen. Frank Lautenberg said at a town meeting on campus.

 Lautenberg, D-N.J., told the crowd gathered Wednesday night in memory of 18-year-old freshman Tyler Clementi that he would introduce such legislation. Clementi jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River on Sept. 22 after the intimate images of him with another man were broadcast. His body was identified days later.

 Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, and another Rutgers freshman, Molly Wei, both 18, have been charged with invasion of privacy, and authorities are weighing whether bias crime charges should be added.

 Prosecutors have subpoenaed Rutgers University for e-mails concerning how the school handled complaints from Clementi that his roommate used a webcam to spy on him, according to The Star-Ledger of Newark.

 The newspaper reported that prosecutors asked for the subpoenas after investigators felt the state university was not fully cooperating with the invasion of privacy case.

 The Star-Ledger cited two officials who were briefed on the probe, but did not name the officials because they were not authorized to speak about the ongoing inquiry.

 The death of Clementi, a promising violinist, has prompted a national discussion on the plight of young gay people and bullying, along with technology’s role in it. Clementi typed his intention on the Internet, leaving a note on his Facebook page reading, “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.”

 A new survey has found that while technology has become so entwined with college students’ often frantic lives, being perpetually connected comes at a cost.

 The Associated Press-mtvU Poll released Thursday found that while 57 percent of students said life without computers and cell phones would make them more stressed, a significant number — 25 percent — said it would be a relief.

 The AP-mtvU Poll of more than 2,000 college students, conducted before Clementi’s death became public, found that 9 in 10 had been on a social networking site like Facebook in the past week. One in five say they’ve posted public messages on such sites seeking emotional support, while more than two-thirds say they’ve read public posts by friends pleading for such assistance.

 Clementi’s death was one of a string of suicides last month involving teens believed to have been victims of anti-gay bullying. Just days after Clementi’s body was recovered, more than 500 people attended a memorial service for a 13-year-old central California boy, Seth Walsh, who hanged himself after enduring taunts from classmates about being gay.

 The Rutgers event, organized by the university and the gay rights activist group Garden State Equality, drew about 300 students and others, including U.S. Sen. Robert Menendez, D-N.J., U.S. Rep. Frank Pallone, D-N.J., and actress/comedienne Judy Gold, a Rutgers grad and gay activist who won two Daytime Emmy Awards as a writer and producer for “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.”

 “No one could have heard about this degradation he suffered without feeling pain themselves,” Lautenberg said. “This is a major problem, and we’re going to fix it.”

 Gold expressed outrage at the pain inflicted on Clementi.

 “What happened to him was not just an invasion of privacy,” she said. “This was just sick.”

 Lautenberg said his bill would require colleges and universities that receive federal student aid to create policies prohibiting harassment of any student. Such policies are not currently required by federal law, he said. The bill also would provide funding for schools to establish programs to deter harassment of students.

 Middlesex County prosecutor Bruce Kaplan said earlier this week that he wouldn’t rush the investigation into Clementi’s death.

 Ravi’s lawyer, Steven D. Altman, issued a statement Wednesday saying he was “heartened to hear” that investigators are taking their time “to learn all the facts before rushing to judgment” about whether to file bias charges against his client. Altman said he hoped the public would do the same.

 “I am confident that nothing will be learned to justify, warrant or support the filing of any bias criminal complaint,” Altman said.

 Lawyers for Wei released a statement Tuesday saying she was innocent and extending sympathy to the Clementi family.

 “This is a tragic situation,” the statement said. “But this tragedy has also unfairly led to rampant speculation and misinformation, which threaten to overwhelm the actual facts of the matter. Those true facts will reveal that Molly is innocent.”

 Ravi, of Plainsboro, and Wei, of Princeton, each could face up to five years in prison if convicted on the invasion of privacy charge.

 Newill reported from Trenton, N.J. Associated Press Writers Alan Fram and Trevor Tompson in Washington contributed to this report.

Smalley: He was getting called names. You know, Ty was always pretty small for his age. And he'd get shoved, pushed here and there. ... Victims of bullying don't always tell what's happening. If your child tells you they've been picked on, it's probably about half or less what they've actually faced. ... Ty was getting in more trouble in school this year because of his retaliation. Even though he was a little guy, he liked to stand up for himself. Costello: ... Did you tell Ty to do that? Smalley: Oh yeah, you know we didn't necessarily tell him to knock the kid's eye, but you know, you don't have to teach a kid to take whatever somebody else feels like dishing out. What does that teach them to do? Just be passive all their life and lay down and take it?... Typically, all the parents that have lost children to suicide due to bullying, which they call bullicide -- and when you actually have a name for something, that ought to tell you how bad it's getting. ... The parents I've spoken to, in the past three months have all pretty much said the same thing, you know, their kid got suspended or in trouble for retaliating against the bully. ... A bully gets to pick his time. He gets to look around, see where the teachers are at school, and he gets to pick his time and walk up and do whatever he's going to do to you. Well, the victim, he reacts. The bully does it. The ruckus draws the teacher's eye, the victim retaliates, he gets the flag thrown. Costello: Did you bring this to the attention of teachers? Smalley: Oh yeah, my wife working for the school talked to the principal on numerous occasions. Costello: And what did the principal say? Smalley: Well, we've been told, boys will be boys, on one occasion. It would be looked into ... the problem is, there is not a paper trail. There's not documentation that we ever made a phone call -- or a visit to the office. That's one of the things we'd like to address in new legislation. ... Since Ty's death we've had a lot of his school friends come to us and tell us of many, many instances of things that Ty never told us about -- things that had happened to him, being pushed down and picked on. That he never even mentioned to his mother and I. ... A lot of schools around the country, their answer to bullying is they let the victim leave a little bit early, they let them go home early to get a head start on the bully. ... They take the victim out of their classroom and put them in another class, which draws attention to them even more! You're singling this child out! This child that's been picked on you're singling him out now! Punish the bully! Don't punish the victim. Costello: Was the kid who was bullying Ty ever punished? Smalley: He was given one day suspension. Costello: Nothing else happened? Smalley: No, ma'am. Not to my knowledge. Costello: And how was Ty punished relative to this kid? Smalley: Ty was given three days' suspension. He didn't even serve one. He came home. And he took his own life. Costello: That suspension was the tipping point for him? Smalley: I believe so. He knew that his mom and I would be -- would be disappointed in him for being suspended from school, even though he was suspended because he took up for himself. In my heart I believe that he didn't mean to take his own life. I don't know if I'll ever know what he was thinking. Costello: I know that you said your wife found him. Smalley: Yes ma'am. Costello: I can't imagine Smalley: No ma'am. I got a phone call about 2:38 and she was screaming. And I could not understand a word. And she just screamed and screamed and screamed. ... I finally yelled back at her, what is going on? And I could understand her enough to hear, he's dead. And I said who's dead? And she said ... Ty killed himself ... I told her to call 911. Hang up and call 911. Because at that point I had high hopes that maybe there was something left. And then I called everybody I could to come and be with her as quick as possible. Costello: When did you realize that the reason that Ty committed suicide was because of the bullying at school? Smalley: Pretty much instantly. On my drive home. I knew why he got suspended ... and it really struck home when I spoke with some of Ty's friends. We still don't eat very often like we should. We don't sleep much anymore ... you forget to do a lot of things, but there's one thing you don't forget ... with the suicide you tend to have a lot of anger issues. I had gotten mad at Ty and how can you get mad at your baby that you've just lost? But I have. And I got real mad at him. I'm not mad at him anymore. You get mad at yourself. You go through the "what if," "why didn't I," "I should have," and a friend of mine said you can't go down that way because that path lies madness ... you have to find a way to make something positive out of something so dark and nightmarish. Costello: So, you're fighting for Ty to somehow stop this problem that there doesn't seem to be an answer to yet? Smalley: There's answers out there. ... I don't know what the answers are, but there are people who do. There are people that have the answers. We need to get the world involved. We need to find those people. We need to find that one person that can make a difference. And if we can't find that one, we're going to find 100,000 of them. And we're all going to put our heads together and we're going to come up with a solution ... if you really want to learn what suicide by bullying is all about, talk to the people who are living the nightmare. We haven't done Ty's last load of laundry, because it still smells like him. We haven't washed his sheets because I can go in there and lay on his bed and still smell my boy. You want to learn what bullying and suicide is all about, you talk directly to the people that it affects the most. First and foremost I hold myself completely responsible for what has happened to my son. Ultimately my son's safety rested in my hands. I was responsible for my son's safety. Costello: That's a harsh thing to say about yourself. Smalley: I'm his DAD! ... It's my job to protect him. No matter what. No matter where he was. It was my job to protect him. cnnAuthor = "By Carol Costello, CNN"; // ]]>

By AAyles on September 30th, 2010

Asher Brown was a 13-year-old boy who, like most young boys, enjoyed reading, playing outside and hanging out with his dad. His mom said he seemed sad and withdrawn in the months leading up to his suicide this week and most of his sadness was contributed to bullying at school.

Asher’s parents say that their son was bullied at school for countless reasons. In addition to being gay, their son was bullied for being small, not wearing name-brand clothing, not using iPods and choosing to read instead of listening to music. “He wasn’t interested in those things,” said his parents in an interview with CNN today. “We could have bought it for him, we asked him if he wanted them and he said no, there are more important things.”

Asher shot himself in the head after almost 2 years of bullying. He told his parenst he was gay the morning of his death. 

The young boy’s parents are speaking out in hopes of raising awareness to issues like bullying in schools. They insist they reported the issue to Asher’s school but the school denies any reports of bullying with Asher, or any other student in the school.

Suicide as a result of bullying in teens and young children is becoming more and more of a problem. In the last 3 weeks, 3 young boys (Asher, Tyler Clementi and Seth Walsh) have committed suicide as a result of bullying.

If you think your child may be a victim of bullying, talk to them and take appropriate actions.

“Please if you have children that you think may be bullied, if they seem sad or withdrawn and you ask questions and they say ‘I’m fine’ push past that. Push past the ‘I’m fine,’” says Asher’s mom in the exclusive interview. “It’s extremely important. These kids are worried about retribution for speaking up. Not only speaking up for themselves but for their friends that are getting picked on.”

3 boys in 3 weeks. When will this end?

by Kim Schlender

September 27, 2010

As the kids go back to school and I hear the school bells ring, I think back to nearly 10 years ago, when I applied to be the playground lady at a nearby elementary school.

After a few days of being on the playground with 200-plus students, two monitors and one volunteer parent, I asked the principal what the student-to-supervisor ratio was. He looked at me strangely and said there wasn’t one. He said there were no state-mandated standards. I also learned that there was no training offered to the playground staff, other than CPR.

How many times have we heard that bullying starts on the playground? And here I found myself on that playground with no training, no disciplinary options and no support. Over the three-plus years I suggested several times that we bring in some trainers, meet with district social workers or at least put a behavior plan in place that would give us some authority. The message I got was that it wasn’t a priority.

Clearly I could not watch so many children and see everything. I made sure that I was visible to the kids, and I watched for the kids who seemed to be alone and those who seemed troubled day after day.

I noticed many of those kids would stay near me, which created a safety net of sorts. Many were also eager to talk and just have someone know who they were.

Then, of course, there were the troublemakers. I hoped that if I kept an eye on them and they knew it, they would make better choices. Often it actually worked. I was even able to catch them doing something good from time to time.

What frustrated me the most was that some kids seemed to think they could do and say whatever they wanted to. The attitude seemed to be that they could tease, taunt, be mean and tell other kids what to do. Often these were the popular kids, who had a group of followers. It seemed they were kings and queens of the playground.

Of course they were told to be nice — but remember, we had no guidelines on how to discipline or work with these kids. There were no real consequences and the kids knew it.

What kept me coming back was that, overall, the kids were kind and respectful and really wanted to do the right thing. And the volunteer parents really made a difference by being present.

Perhaps we don’t need to legislate ratios and standards, but we should recognize that playgrounds are understaffed and that they need trained, caring people to watch over our children. The playground should not be a scary or unsafe place. We can help kids make good choices about how they treat others by putting some time and resources into ensuring that the playground is a great place for kids and the adults who care for them.

I would encourage those who can to volunteer on a playground or in a lunchroom. Better yet, work with the PTO or site counsel at your school to get some training for the playground staff. And better still, model and teach your kids to be kind and respectful to others.

By: Jeff Muise

(HealthDay News) — The adolescent victims of cyber bullying report higher levels of depression than do the bullies themselves or bully-victims, but this is not the case with traditional forms of bullying, according to a study published online Sept. 22 in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

Jing Wang, Ph.D., of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Md., and colleagues analyzed data from the Health Behavior in School-Aged Children 2005 Survey that was administered to a nationally-representative sample of 7,313 students in grades six to 10. The researchers compared the incidence of depression among children who were bullies, victims, or bully-victims by the traditional definitions (physical, verbal, and relational bullying) and cyber bullying.

The investigators found the prevalence of physical, verbal, relational, and cyber bullying to be 21.2, 53.7, 51.6, and 13.8 percent, respectively. Depression was associated with all four forms of bullying, but the victims of cyber bullying reported higher depression than did the bullies or bully-victims, a result the researchers did not find with the traditional forms of bullying. For the three traditional types of bullying, frequently-involved victims and bully-victims had significantly higher depression levels than occasionally-involved victims and bully-victims. For cyber bullying, however, differences were found between occasional and frequent victims only.

“Notably, cyber victims reported higher depression than bullies or bully-victims, which was not found in any other form of bullying. This may be explained by some distinct characteristics of cyber bullying. For example, unlike traditional victims, cyber victims may experience an anonymous attacker who instantly disperses fabricated photos throughout a large social network; as such, cyber victims may be more likely to feel isolated, dehumanized or helpless at the time of the attack,” the authors write.

Sydney, Sep 19 (IANS) It’s not just the victim of bullying who faces psychological problems. Being a childhood bully can lead to relationship issue later in life.

‘Bullies go onto have lots of relationship issues. They have difficulty in romantic relationships,’ says Associate Professor Marilyn Campbell from the Queensland University of Technology, Australia.

‘Only people who are scared of them are their companions, their henchmen, in primary school,’ adds Campbell.

A 2006 study said that ‘bullies in primary school have been shown to be more likely to be convicted of a criminal offence before they reach their 20s than children who are not involved in bullying.’

‘They also often have drug and alcohol misuse problems because they self-medicate as they haven’t figured out how to have good relationships,’ it said.

Campbell said bullying was a learnt behaviour and that children learned from their families how to be bullies, said a Queensland release.

Punishing bullies has been shown not to decrease their bullying behaviour. The best way to stop bullying behaviour is by talking with bullies.

A second method is restorative justice where the bully must face the victim and the damage they have done.

‘These methods aim to elicit or teach the empathy that bullies lack,’ the release said.

Campbell said schools told children through their anti-bullying programmes that it was a bad thing to do.

However, if parents themselves bullied then this was not enough to change their children’s behaviour.

‘Bullying can only be stopped when the whole family is assisted to understand their behaviour and develop good social relationships,’ she said.

‘When children see domestic violence, which can be both physical and emotional abuse, they see that unequal power can be used to get your own way.

‘Parents may talk at the dinner table about their own bullying behaviour in the workplace and children pick that up as a method of getting what you want. On top of this, lots of media show that bullies win. Bullying is a deeply embedded social relationship problem.’

Hundreds gathered outside the Greensburg Courthouse for a candlelight vigil to remember 15-year-old Billy Lucas.

Hundreds gathered outside the Greensburg Courthouse for a candlelight vigil to remember 15-year-old Billy Lucas.

Lucas reportedly hung himself last week after friends say he was the target of continual bullying at Greensburg High School.

“They called him dumb, they called him gay and what else I’ve said.  They pushed him into lockers and hit him and pulled his hair and tripped him all the time, ” said best friend Bryce Thacker in an interview with Fox 59’s Tisha Lewis.

Thacker said he was constantly defending Lucas, until he too was threatened for defending what Thacker says bullies described as “the gay boy.”

“He came here in fourth grade and he was harassed from the time he was in fourth grade and on…” said former classmate Bobbi Guinlan.

Friends and complete strangers held fliers reading, “It’s because of people in school who pretended they knew nothing and did nothing to help stop it.”

According to Guinlan, “We organized this to show how important it is because we don’t feel like our school corporations are doing anything about bullying really.”

Several parents describe a “culture of bullying” within the Greensburg School District.

The principal at Greensburg High School where Lucas attended says the school was not aware the 15 year old was a victim, though several parents dispute that assertion.

Fox 59 News has learned the school is “looking to establish a committee to address bullying” concerns, according to administrators.

By WALT BELCHER | The Tampa Tribune

Jaylen Arnold has turned his personal battle with Tourette’s syndrome into a public battle against bullying.

The 10-year-old Lakeland boy has been dealing with the disorder since he was diagnosed as a toddler.

Tourette’s affects its victims differently. For Jaylen it causes uncontrollable tics and twitches. He has also been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder and Asperger’s syndrome, a form of autism.

“When I see myself, I see this twisty boy who is going crazy and then I look at other people and I feel like I am the only one who has this. … There’s something inside of me and I want it out,” he says in a touching and inspiring documentary debuting at 9 tonight on the Discovery Health cable network.

Jaylen is one of four children profiled in “Tourette’s Uncovered.” The program shows what parents and children face when their lives are dominated by a condition often misunderstood by the public.

In addition to being mocked and sometimes tormented by classmates, these children also must deal with physical pain and depression.

Jaylen’s mother, Robin, says that her son has “a lot of sensory issues,” such as being unable to stand the touch of rough fabrics. He can only wear soft cotton. He can’t stand to eat soft foods. He struggles to walk on grass in bare feet.

In addition to an uncontrollable desire at times to contort his body, he must wipe off any area that has been “tapped on” by someone’s fingers.

Cameras record his despair over the inability to go to bed at night because every inch of his body can’t stand to lay still.

As he pleads just to be a normal kid and have some happiness, his mother tries to comfort him.

His mother says they try everything possible from massage therapy to monitoring his diet to using vitamin supplements. “I want to do everything I can to make him more comfortable and protect him,” she says.

“What Tourette’s puts me through makes me like really sad,” Jaylen says. “It puts me in pain and literally hurts me. It makes life a lot … harder.”

Two years ago, Jaylen found a new purpose when he started an anti-bullying campaign. He had seen and experienced first-hand what it can be like to be teased because you’re different.

He started speaking out against it in schools in an effort to explain to other children the effects of Tourette’s syndrome. He began passing out “Bullying No Way” bracelets and anti-bullying booklets.

Jaylen, who was profiled on the “CBS Evening News” last year, started a website www.jaylenschallenge.org that is devoted to ending bullying.

Yesterday, Governor Paterson signed the Dignity for All Students bill into law. The law requires school districts to make their environments harassment- and discrimination-free (by way of codes of conduct and policies) as well as reporting instances of bullying to the State Department of Education. Paterson said, “Bullying and harassment have disrupted the education of too many young people, and we in government have a responsibility to do our part to create learning environments that help our children prosper. I am proud to sign this bill into law as it will help ensure that students are protected from harassment, discrimination and bullying at school grounds and at school functions.”

According to the governor’s office, “The bill explicitly prohibits harassment and discrimination of students with respect to certain non-exclusive protected classes, including, but not limited to, the student’s actual or perceived ‘race, color, weight, national origin, ethnic group, religion, religious practice, disability, sexual orientation, gender or sex.'” Paterson also shared an anecdote about his experience with bullying, “As one of the first legally blind students that was allowed into public school … I was a victim of that [bullying] many times… One day I got so upset, I took a metal lunch box… walked right into a classroom, right past the teacher who refused to do anything about it and hit this kid in the face.”

NYC adopted an anti-bullying act in 2008, but earlier this year, a student at a Queens high school was allegedly stabbed by another student (it was suggested that it was spurred by the victim’s bullying).

By Jen Chung in News on September 9, 2010 9:42 AM