Bully Prevention

Reviewed by: Michelle New, PhD

It can be shocking and upsetting to learn that your child has gotten in trouble for picking on others or been labeled a bully.

As difficult as it may be to process this news, it’s important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it’s not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior and interfere with your child’s success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.

Understanding Bullying Behavior

Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases,kids bully because they simply don’t know that it’s unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.

In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling can often help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.

Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

Helping Kids Stop Bullying

Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and that there will be serious consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.

Try to understand the reasons behind your child’s behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven’t learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.

Be sure to:

• Take bullying seriously. Make sure your kids understand that you will not tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Establish rules about bullying and stick to them. If you punish your child by taking away privileges, be sure it’s meaningful. For example, if your child bullies other kids via email, text messages, or a social networking site, dock phone or computer privileges for a period of time. If your child acts aggressively at home, with siblings or others, put a stop to it. Teach more appropriate (and nonviolent) ways to react, like walking away.
• Teach kids to treat others with respect and kindness. Teach your child that it is wrong to ridicule differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status) and try to instill a sense of empathy for those who are different. Consider getting involved together in a community group where your child can interact with kids who are different.
• Learn about your child’s social life. Look for insight into the factors that may be influencing your child’s behavior in the school environment (or wherever the bullying is occurring). Talk with parents of your child’s friends and peers, teachers, guidance counselors, and the school principal. Do other kids bully? What about your child’s friends? What kinds of pressures do the kids face at school? Talk to your kids about those relationships and about the pressures to fit in. Get them involved in activities outside of school so that they meet and develop friendships with other kids.
• Encourage good behavior. Positive reinforcement can be more powerful than negative discipline. Catch your kids being good — and when they handle situations in ways that are constructive or positive, take notice and praise them for it.
• Set a good example. Think carefully about how you talk around your kids and how you handle conflict and problems. If you behave aggressively — toward or in front of your kids — chances are they’ll follow your example. Instead, point out positives in others, rather than negatives. And when conflicts arise in your own life, be open about the frustrations you have and how you cope with your feelings.

Starting at Home

When looking for the influences on your child’s behavior, look first at what’s happening at home. Kids who live with yelling, name-calling, putdowns, harsh criticism, or physical anger from a sibling or parent/caregiver may act that out in other settings.

It’s natural — and common — for kids to fight with their siblings at home. And unless there’s a risk of physical violence it’s wise not to get involved. But monitor the name-calling and any physical altercations and be sure to talk to each child regularly about what’s acceptable and what’s not.

It’s important to keep your own behavior in check too. Watch how you talk to your kids, and how you react to your own strong emotions when they’re around. There will be situations that warrant discipline and constructive criticism. But take care not to let that slip into name-calling and accusations. If you’re not pleased with your child’s behavior, stress that it’s the behavior that you’d like your child to change, and you have confidence that he or she can do it.

If your family is going through a stressful life event that you feel may have contributed to your child’s behavior, reach out for help from the resources at school and in your community. Guidance counselors, pastors, therapists, and your doctor can help.

Getting Help

To help a child stop bullying, talk with teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials who can help you identify situations that lead to bullying and provide assistance.

Your doctor also might be able to help. If your child has a history of arguing, defiance, and trouble controlling anger, consider an evaluation with a therapist or behavioral health professional.

As difficult and frustrating as it can be to help kids stop bullying, remember that bad behavior won’t just stop on its own. Think about the success and happiness you want your kids to find in school, work, and relationships throughout life, and know that curbing bullying now is progress toward those goals.

If we didn’t pay enough attention to it in the past, that is certainly no excuse for failure to take action in the present.

As reported in The Sunday Telegraph of May 30, local school administrators say the issue is a priority. Even longtime educators who’ve been aware of bullies for years say the use of the Internet has raised the stakes and created more of a challenge for enforcement of antibullying policies and statutes. Under the cloak of anonymity, bullies can be even more vicious and wreak greater havoc in the lives of their victims.

Two highly publicized cases have created a heightened awareness of the problem – the suicide of Phoebe Prince in South Hadley, Mass., in January; and an incident in Concord earlier this month, when four students gave a special needs student an obscene tattoo on his backside.

At the request of The Telegraph, the Nashua School District released its record of bullying incident reports for the past year. While nothing rose to the level of the South Hadley or Concord incidents, there were 39 noteworthy cases.

They included persistent physical and verbal abuse, cyberbullying and assaults on the school bus. In one reported incident, three students were threatening and cyberbullying another student. A school resource officer intervened and warned the students of possible criminal threatening charges and suspension from school.

Now that the state is about to include bullying in its criminal statutes, resource officers should issue those warnings more often. In the most severe cases, students should face criminal charges as juveniles or adults, depending on their age.

The state’s new bullying law, which has been passed by the House and Senate and is expected be signed by Gov. John Lynch this month, will require school districts to incorporate cyber-bullying into their antibullying policies. It will also require that all incidents of bullying and cyberbullying are reported to the state annually.

Once bullies realize that their harassment, assaults and intimidation will lead to criminal sanctions that may dog them for life, they may think twice before they act.

In Nashua, Superintendent of Schools Mark Conrad should be commended for making bullying a top priority. He recently dedicated a monthly principals meeting to a review of the district’s definition of bullying and reporting requirements. There are plans for workshops and professional development over the summer and next school year to learn more about the problem.

The district has a policy that requires principals to act on all complaints of bullying, including contacting all of the parents involved, within 48 hours. The district now needs to close the gap in its policies regarding cyber-bullying.

One of the great advantages in the state’s new bullying law is that it won’t be limited to school grounds. Bullying will be subject to prosecution even when off school property, if authorities can prove it was disruptive to the victim’s education and the orderly operation of the school.

All of these measures make sense, but ultimately zero tolerance among students, teachers and parents is the best prevention for bullying. Students who see it need to speak up. Teachers and administrators need to take action. Parents need to support them.

As British statesman Edmund Burke put it: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

by Sandy Lucas

Parents ca learn how to use sports psychology to help kids be mentally tough in the face of bullies. With tryouts and auditions for summer sports and dance teams coming up, parents should beware of the possibility of bullies trying to psych out their young athletes and hurt their performance, says Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., a sports psychology expert and co-founder of the popular Ultimate Sports Parent and Kids’ Sports Psychology websites (www.youthsportspsychology.com and www.kidssportspsychology.com)

Orlando, FL (PRWEB) June 1, 2010 — With tryouts and auditions for summer sports and dance teams coming up, parents should beware of the possibility of bullies trying to psych out their young athletes and hurt their performance, says Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., a sports psychology expert and co-founder of the popular Ultimate Sports Parent and Kids’ Sports Psychology websites (The Ultimate Sports Parent and Kids’ Sports Psychology).

Cohn and his sister, award-winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn, just released “Helping Young Athletes Stay Confident and Mentally Tough in the Face of Bullies,” a program that uses sports psychology strategies to help kids remain confident and unshaken when bullies–both coaches and kids–try to psych them out, intimidate them, harass them or tease them in sports.

“While we were preparing this program, sports parents and coaches wrote us with painful, angry and sometimes frightening stories about kids getting bullied in sports by their peers and their coaches,” says Dr. Cohn. “Our research showed that bullying is rampant in sports, is common among both boys and girls, and can cause kids to lose confidence, perform poorly and drop out.”

Bullies target all kinds of athletes, Dr. Cohn says. They focus on kids who are smaller and less physically talented. They also target gifted athletes because the bullies are jealous and want to force talented kids out of competition. What’s more, when kids are competing for a ladder position on a team, competition can be fierce and bullying is common.

“Helping Young Athletes Stay Confident and Mentally Tough in the Face of Bullies,” consists of an e-book for parents and coaches, a workbook for young athletes, and a series of audio interviews with bullying experts, coaches and sports parents. At the heart of the program are sports psychology strategies for helping young athletes stay focused, composed, and perform well when bullies target them. The program explains:

–>Why kids and coaches bully in sports
–>How bullying hurts kids’ sports performance and confidence
–>How sports kids can stay focused when bullies strike
–>How sports kids can re-focus when distracted by bullies
–>How young athletes can create a “confidence resume” and use it to ward off bullies
–>How young athletes can deal with friends who are bullies
–>How kids can get bullies’ negativity out of their heads and focus on more positive things
–>What parents and coaches need to do to fight the bullying epidemic in sports

“Parents really need to be on the lookout for bullies during summer tryouts,” says Dr. Cohn. “They’ll be out there insulting, harassing, teasing, intimidating and trying to ensure your kids don’t make the team. They’ll also cause lots of trouble on recreational teams.”

Dr. Patrick Cohn is a sports psychology expert, sports parent, and owner of Peak Performance Sports, LLC. He has worked with some of the top athletes in the world–including PGA tour winners and NASCAR winners–on techniques to improve confidence, focus, and composure in sports. He has interviewed many top athletes in the world, including Thurman Thomas, Michelle Akers, Ernie Els, Mario Andretti, and Helen Alfredsson to uncover the strategies, techniques and skills that keep these professional athletes at the pinnacle of performance. Dr. Cohn has a Ph.D. in education from the University of Virginia.

Lisa Cohn is an award-winning parenting writer and author whose stories have appeared in Mothering, the Christian Science Monitor, Parenting and other publications. She’s the host of Ultimate Sports Parent Radio, a podcast with about 110,000 subscribers, She’s been quoted about parenting by the New York Times, Associated Press and Time Magazine. Lisa is a mom and stepmom to five young athletes and a former youth sports coach. Lisa played three sports as a student at Wesleyan University, Middletown, Ct.

Victims with a genetic variant have more emotional problems.

By Bruce Bower, Science News

There’s nothing fair about getting bullied at school. To add insult to injury, a new study finds that bullied kids who happen to have inherited one form of a stress-related gene develop the most emotional problems. 

Symptoms of anxiety, depression and social withdrawal appeared most often in regularly bullied kids who possessed two copies of a short version of the 5-HTT gene, says a team led by psychologist Karen Sugden of Duke University in Durham, N.C.

One-third of bullied children who had two shorter copies of the gene displayed emotional problems severe enough to merit mental health treatment, the researchers say. That figure fell to 29 percent for regularly bullied kids carrying one short copy of the gene and 15 percent for those with two long copies.

By tracking pairs of twins, Sugden and her colleagues ruled out the possibility that pre-existing emotional problems led genetically vulnerable children to be victimized by bullies. In cases where each twin carried two short copies of the 5-HTT gene but only one got repeatedly bullied, emotional difficulties were observed only in the bullied twin, the researchers report in a paper scheduled to appear in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

The experiment can’t directly pin the kids’ emotional problems on the gene-bullying combo, “but it is about as close as it is possible to get, given that it’s not ethical to bully a child deliberately for research purposes,” says Duke psychologist and study coauthor Terrie Moffitt.

Other evidence suggests that the short form of the gene, which is involved in transporting the chemical serotonin in the brain, intensifies emotional reactions to various kinds of stress, possibly by triggering the release of high levels of stress hormones, remarks Stanford University psychologist Ian Gotlib, who was not part of the study team.

Gotlib’s team has reported that teenage girls who were socially excluded or lied about by peers showed signs of depression, but only if they had two copies of the short 5-HTT gene. And medical interns with at least one copy of the critical gene variant are particularly prone to depression, a group led by psychiatrist Srijan Sen of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor has found.

Other studies have failed to link the serotonin transporter gene to stress-related emotional problems (SN: 7/18/09, p. 10). But most of those studies collected data via phone or questionnaires, not in thorough interviews, Moffitt says.

She and her colleagues monitored 1,116 pairs of same-sex twins age 5 to 12 in England and Wales. Identical twins made up just over half of the sample.

Parents and teachers assessed children’s emotional condition at ages 5, 7, 10 and 12. At the final assessment, 230 kids told experimenters that they had been bullied “a lot” by other children and described what had happened.

Frequent bullying victims with two copies of the short gene displayed emotional problems by age 12. They accumulated an average of six or seven new symptoms of anxiety, depression and social withdrawal during the study.

Children who had one long and one short 5-HTT gene had fewer emotional problems than kids with two short copies. Bullied children with two long genes exhibited relatively few emotional difficulties, but still slightly more than never-bullied or occasionally bullied peers.

Emotional problems stayed at low levels and tended to decline during the study for children who never or rarely got bullied, regardless of their genetic makeup.

School programs to reduce bullying probably provide the greatest emotional benefits to genetically vulnerable children, Moffitt says. But it’s too early to say whether this research will lead to targeting genetically vulnerable children for specific school interventions, she adds.

by Kimberly Ripley

A 14-year old boy in Concord, New Hampshire; a victim of constant bullying, now bears a lewd tattoo on his buttocks as a result of the bullying.

The 14-year old has developmental issues, and was frequently picked on both in school and in his neighborhood. According to the Concord Monitor, the boy was forced by five young men, ranging in age from 15 to 20 years old, to kneel against a weight bench in a dimly lit basement at the home of one of the five boys, while the words “Poop D–K” and a purported drawing of a penis were tattooed on his buttocks. He was threatened with genital assault if he didn’t comply, and told all bullying would stop once the tattoo was completed.

Law enforcement officials in Concord, New Hampshire have charged each of the five boys involved. The older ones, 20-year-old Ryan Fisk and 18-year-old Blake VanNest have been charged with six misdemeanors, including tattooing without a license, criminal threatening and breach of bail for a separate incident. Fisk has also been charged with indecent exposure. Travis Johnston, 18, and Donald Wyman, 20, have both been charged with endangering the welfare of a child. The 15-year old involved will be charged in juvenile court.

Of the five young men involved, only Travis Johnston has come forward and apologized for his role in the crime.

School officials warned students that any bullying with regard to this case would be dealt with harshly. Upon returning to school on Monday, however, the 14-year old was once again bullied. Students taunted him, using the words that were tattooted on his buttocks. His parents have now removed him from Concord High School for the remainder of the school year and are requesting school officials provide a tutor.

How far will our society allow bullying to go? What kind of message does this send to people? If the young men involved in this crime receive mere slaps on their wrists, this kind of criminal activity will certainly escalate.

It pains me to think of any child being bullied, but those with any kind of developmental delay adds even more insult to injury. Those who take advantage of children with lesser or differing abilities are no different than grown men and women who prey on innocent children. I hope they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and if that isn’t enough I hope legislators will work to intensify the penalties for those who participate in any form of bullying.

Police Going to School Where Celina Okwuone Wrote She Was Bullied

by CLEOPATRA ANDREADIS

Florida police investigating the death of a fifth grader who hanged herself are scheduled to go to the girl’s school this week after finding a diary detailing how she was apparently tormented by bullies.

The diary entries are expected to be made public later this week, Port St. Lucie Police spokesman Tom Nichols told ABC News.

“Detectives are going to the school this week to talk to students and teachers,” Nichols said. “We need to determine why this 11 year old took her own life.”

Celina Okwuone, 11, was found by her parents a little before midnight on Thursday night. “They went to check on her and the door was locked,” said Nichols. “When they were finally able to get into the room, they found her hanging in her closet with a belt wrapped around her neck.”

The belt was wrapped around a metal shelf which her mother tore from the wall while her father lifted her body.

Shortly after calling police, her parents found her diary with what Nichols were entries about being bullied.

“Inside the diary there were some entries made of her being bullied at school,” Nichols said. “To the extent of what she was being bullied about is unknown at this time.”

A letter from St. Anastasia Catholic School, where Oswuone attended, was sent home with students informing parents about the incident. School officials wouldn’t comment, and referred all inquiries to the Diocese of Palm Beach.

A statement from the Diocese of Palm Beach said it was “saddened to learn of the untimely death of one of our students from St. Anastasia School in Ft. Pierce. We grieve with the school community of St. Anastasia and ask for prayers for the student’s family as well as the school community.”

Posted by Barbara F. Meltz

Barbara:

How do you know when someone is bullying you? Is it possible that you may be perceiving their actions wrong? Is it bullying or just rude behavior? How can you tell if the person claiming to of been bullied is just insecure or an overly sensitive type?

I have been wondering about this for my own children and at a loss for words.

Thanks,
Bergette, Bellingham, MA

Hi Bergette,

You raise a good question, of course: if a child is overly sensitive, how can we be sure his description of what’s happening is accurate?

The answer is, it doesn’t matter. It’s the child’s perception that counts.

If a child insists there’s a monster under the bed, do you tell him there’s no such thing as a monster and leave him screaming and terrified in his room? Or do you check for the monster in all the places he thinks it may be hiding until he’s satisfied that it’s safe to sleep?

It’s true that he may be blowing something out of proportion; kids often do that, anyway, because they are, well, kids; they lack experience, maturity and a sense of context. It’s also true that some kids will do anything for attention from their parents, including saying things that aren’t true.

Here’s the bottom line: It’s our job as parents to keep our children safe.

If your child is frightened of another child, he’s frightened of that child. Period. Doesn’t matter if the child is teasing or actually mean, or if the behavior was accidental or intentional.

You can help some children by giving them rules or guidelines: If the person is smiling, he’s probably joking. If he’s angry looking, he’s probably mad. But kids who have trouble reading social cues (and a child doesn’t need to be on the Autistic Spectrum to have trouble with this; many kids do) often need professional guidance around this. Ask your guidance department for some suggestions.

Meanwhile, Have you noticed changes in your child’s behavior? In sleep or eating patterns, in moods, or ability to concentrate on homework? Has he lost interest in something he typically likes? Is he withdrawn instead of outgoing at home? Any of these, but especially a combination of them, can be a tip-off that something is upsetting.

And don’t discount this: If he’s complained about a bully and you question his credibility, your skepticism alone can be upsetting: “Not even mom believes me.”

Talk to the teachers and to the principal for thoughts and suggestions; with the new state law, teachers and faculty are receiving training and getting better at being able to recognize bullying, and know what to do about it. Talk more to your child. Just don’t ignore it. Even if what he describes as bullying only turns out to be teasing, you will have a basis for helping him in the future.

May 18, 2010|By Liz Bowie, The Baltimore Sun

Sometimes people can spot an issue before it emerges in the public discourse.

Such was the case for a group of middle-schoolers from the Bluford Drew Jemison Academy in West Baltimore who began writing a play about bullying and gangs long before reports emerged this month about bullying in city schools.

When the puppet show “Live Hard or Die Hard” opened to the rousing applause of third-, fourth- and fifth-graders at Fort Washington Elementary School on Tuesday, the Bluford students had plenty of attention from adults as well.

They call themselves the Peace Champions because they are working to persuade their classmates and elementary students to stop bullying and stay away from gangs. Their puppets are animals and insects that confront more than the usual playground problems.

The play’s straightforward plot is not a cliff hanger: The spider is recruited by gang members and nearly enticed to join before his friends convince him otherwise. For elementary students let out of class for half an hour, it was a delight.

The students from Bluford, who were assisted in their puppetry by students from the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health, said they haven’t had problems with bullying or gangs at their school. Administrators and teachers there, they said, deal quickly with any discipline issues that arise. However, some family members, they said, are involved in gangs or drugs.

Sixth-grader Kobe McCoy, who played the rabbit, said the point is “to show people that basically it leads to a graveyard or jail.”

The narrator, Idialyon Helm, 13, said he knows gang members and although he has never been recruited he understands the harm gangs can do. “You are trapped in a box. You can’t get out. It is almost impossible,” the Bluford eighth-grader said.

Two out of three young carers are bullied at school and more than half feel unsupported by their teachers. These are the findings of research carried out by The Princess Royal Trust for Carers and The Children’s Society.

The study of 700 young carers, some as young as six, found that many suffer taunts about their parents appearance or disabilities. Nearly half of the young carers questioned said there was not a single teacher at their school who knew they were a young carer and of those whose teachers did know, more than half did not feel supported by them.

Danielle is 12 years old and cares for both her mother, who has fibromyalgia, and her father, who is epileptic. She explained the impact that being a young carer has on her while at school:

“I’ve missed homework deadlines because I’ve been looking after my mum and dad. When I’m in class I worry that my parents are ok, especially my mum as I keep thinking she might fall over if she tries to walk and will hurt herself. If the class has been naughty and we are all kept after school for detention, I worry that I’ll be late. I get a lump in my throat when I think my mum might be worried waiting for me. It makes me feel sad.”

Like Danielle, a third of young carers worry about the person they care for while they are at school. A quarter suffer from the stress of juggling school work and caring responsibilities.

Alex Fox, Director of Policy and Communications at The Princess Royal Trust for Carers said: “Almost half the young carers we surveyed said they had not told a single teacher at school. For those that had told someone, more than half of those said that they were not getting any support despite that, so there are still too many young people going throughtout their whole childhoods without getting any kind of support.

“We know that young carers drop out of school or that they miss lessons or that they are late all the time but with a little extra help and understanding they can actually take full advantage of their education.”

To address these issues, The Princess Royal Trust for Carers and The Children’s Society will be launching Supporting Young Carers, a resource for schools, as well as a poster campaign to run in all secondary schools across the UK in May.

Bob Reitemeier, Chief Executive of The Children’s Society says: “This resource will support schools to ensure that young carers are helped to achieve their full potential and to have the same access to education as their peers.”

“The resource will also encourage vital partnership working with other agencies in order to provide support for the whole family. We want to protect children from excessive inappropriate caring roles; enabling them to be children first and to have good childhoods.”