Bully Prevention

by Rae Pica

Besides lack of time, the reason most often given by school administrators for revoking recess is that there’s too much bullying and bad behavior taking place on the playground during recess. Well, that may be so. But is eliminating recess the solution to the problem? If we were to follow the same logic, we would likewise eliminate math or language arts if students were failing in those topics.

Chances are, a bully is a bully is a bully. And somewhere, somehow, the behavior is going to show itself. We’re not eradicating the problem by eradicating recess. On the other hand, if we do see a pattern of bullying on the playground, we’re alerted to the fact that there’s a child in need of help.

Besides, there are alternatives. They may take more time and effort than simply whisking the problem under the rug, but time and effort are part and parcel of educating children. Following are some ideas:

Have more adults on the playground. In some places this has been accomplished when a mom’s efforts drew the attention of other parents, who volunteered to help out with recess.

Provide training in conflict resolution. When children are unable to resolve conflicts on their own, teachers, paraprofessionals, and parent volunteers should know how and when to intervene.

Provide “playground” training.The American Association for the Child’s Right to Play offers tips for a safe and friendly environment on its website and also provides training for “playground teacher specialists” in the schools. Physical education teachers can do similar training. When children and adults know how to use the space and equipment – and have been taught plenty of games to play – there are likely to be fewer problems during recess.

Offer recess before lunch. Chip Wood, in his book Time to Teach, Time to Learn: Changing the Pace of School, recommends restructuring the middle of the day so that recess precedes lunch. Wood has found that when children are allowed to first work up an appetite, eat lunch, and then have some quiet time, they’re “more productive and engaged in the afternoon.”

Rae Pica is a children’s physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Da Capo Press, 2006) and Great Games for Young Children (Gryphon House, 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play & Music, and the President’s Council on Physical Fitness & Sports. She is also co-creator and host of “Body, Mind and Child,” a radio program in which she interviews experts in the fields of early childhood education, child development, the neurosciences, and more. Listen at www.bodymindandchild.com.

Is There Anything We Can Do About Bullying?

Although bullying is not a normal part of childhood, it’s a serious and common problem that can drastically affect the ability of children – bullies and their victims alike – to progress academically, emotionally and socially. This publication explains what bullying is, discusses the interaction of bullies and their victims, and suggests how to respond to and curtail bullying.

Bullying is a common occurrence during childhood. It is most frequently seen in school, but it also occurs in the home, at clubs, and during sports activities. As many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and 10% are bullied on a regular basis. Boys are more commonly involved in bullying than girls–both as bully and victim. Some children learn well how to control and manipulate others and begin to enjoy doing so. These actions may set a pattern for how children will behave as adults. Children who are bullied suffer emotionally or physically and usually do so in silence for fear that the bullies will get back at them.

What is bullying?

Bullying is any kind of ongoing physical or verbal mistreatment where there is unequal power between two or more people, such as bigger children picking on smaller ones or bullying a child who is thought to be different. It occurs when a child purposely and repeatedly holds power over another with the intent of hurting another.

A wide range of physical or verbal behaviors can be described as bullying:
• Insulting
• Teasing
• Verbally and physically abusing
• Threatening
• Humiliating
• Harassing
• Gossiping
• Spreading rumors
• Rejecting, and
• Excluding.

Boys tend to use physical intimidation and threats regardless of the gender of their victims. Girls often target other girls and are likely to use such indirect strategies as spreading rumors. While victims tend to be upset about the incident, bullies are matter-of-fact, stating that “the kid was asking for it” or “it didn’t really hurt.”

Who are the children who bully others?

Children who bully typically have a need to feel powerful and in control. They get enjoyment from hurting others and making them suffer. They have little compassion for those they bully, and often defend their actions by saying that their victims “made” them act as they did.

Bullies often (but not always) come from homes where physical punishment is used, children are taught to fight back physically, and parental involvement and warmth are missing. They may come from homes where there are family financial and other problems. These children may be depressed or angry or upset about events at school or home. Bullying may also be modeled by other children; children often repeat the behaviors they witness.

Children who bully appear to have little anxiety and a strong self-esteem. They work through fear and manipulation, intimidating others by threatening to harm them, calling them names if the victim tells anybody what is occurring.

Which children are likely to be bullied?

Bullies tend to pick on those who are quiet and sensitive or stand out in some way (they’re taller or shorter, they wear braces, they’re overweight or have a disability). Bullied children often have a hard time defending themselves because they’re not confident in their physical abilities and strength. Children who are irritating and annoying and who seek negative attention from their peers also tend to get picked on.

Children who are bullied usually have few friends to help defend them in a bullying situation. (The friends they do have may be afraid to step in for fear of being targeted as well.) They tend to be close to their parents, who may be overprotective. A child who is bullied is often ashamed or afraid to tell an adult about the bullying. Many bullied children think that adults will not help them and that telling on the bully will only bring more harm.

Bullying in preschool

Bullying behavior can be seen as early as preschool. Preschool-age children may bully others to get attention, show off, or get what they want (toys, clothing, playground equipment). They might be jealous of the children they are bullying. They may also be getting bullied themselves. When preschoolers begin to call people names or use unkind words, intervene immediately and consistently to teach acceptable behavior.

Bullying in elementary/infants/junior school

Younger children are bullied more often than older children. University of Michigan researchers found that 8-year-old children who had been identified as bullies in their schools were often bullies for the rest of their lives.

Children usually bully because they are being bullied or want to show off. They may also bully because they’re angry or upset or bored.

In kindergarten, children learn the power of exclusion. It may be common to hear things like, “She’s not my friend and can’t come to my birthday party.” Adults might respond, “You don’t have to be her friend right now, but it is not okay to hurt her feelings by telling her she can’t come to your party.” In early elementary grades, cliques may contribute to cruel behavior, and children may be cruel to one another. Children need to hear such things as, “It’s not okay for you to treat others that way.”

Bullying in adolescence

Many teens tease their peers to go along with the crowd but feel uncomfortable doing so. Those who report bullying others often state that they are themselves bullied. In the U.S., approximately 1.6 million children in grades 6 through 10 are bullied at least once a week. When made fun of, rejected or bullied, some teens turn to violence.

In early adolescence, especially in the sixth grade, when students are trying to fit in with others, there’s an increase in teasing and bullying. Once peer groups have formed, many bullying behaviors go away. Bullying is most frequent and most severe in middle school, and declines in high school. Youth who bully are typically popular up to the ages of 14 or 15; however, when such bullies reach their late teens, their popularity typically declines.

• I’d like to interject here, if I may, because this last statement does seem to pick up on some of my own observations, in that, bullying almost seems self perpetuating for some children. Youths who bully openly, would, you might think, be shunned by the other children, but this doesn’t seem to be the case. Children are drawn to bullies, perhaps in the hope that they won’t become a target, or for protection from another bully, or to increase their own position in the ‘pecking order’ of the playground. The bully, sees this behaviour as an endorsement, and can often be seen to turn on many of these ‘soldiers’ in a playful way that keeps them in line and reinforces his/her position as head of the pack. Phil.

What are the consequences of bullying?

Being bullied can have such serious short-term effects as depression, withdrawal from friends and family and declining school performance, including not wanting to go to school at all. Long-term effects may interfere with children’s social, academic, and emotional development. In extreme cases, victims may be so upset that they are suicidal. The sooner the bullying is stopped, the better the long-term outcome for those who are bullied.

Children who bully tend to become aggressive adults who stand a much higher chance than non-bullies of racking up multiple criminal convictions.

Bullying may cause anxiety in bystanders. Children who observe violent behavior and see that the bully is not punished will be more likely to use aggression in the future.

What can parents do to help bully-proof their children?

• Encourage friendships. Children who don’t have friends tend to be vulnerable to bullies. Start early in helping your child build social skills and make friendships.
• Teach your children to express themselves clearly yet tactfully. Help your child use “I statements” (e.g., “I am upset because I feel that you are picking on me”). Such “I statements” explain how people feel. When children know how to express themselves without offending others, they tend to be popular with their peers, and that will keep bullies away.
• Teach self-respect. A confident child is not likely to become the victim of a bully.

• Stress the importance of body language. Teach your child to be assertive by relaxing his body (deep breathing helps), keeping his hands steady, and using frequent eye contact. These tricks will help children seem self-assured even when they are not.
• Start teaching the art of negotiation early. The preschool years are the best time to begin teaching children to settle their own disputes and solve problems. For example, when your child is fighting over a toy with another child, let them discuss how they can share the toy; let them talk about what can be done to solve the problem.

What are some helpful strategies for talking with a child who has been bullied?

• Help your child be self-confident. Help your child practice what to say to the bullies so he or she will be prepared the next time. Teach her to tell bullies that their actions won’t be tolerated. However, some bullies feed on responses, so your child should assert himself just once. If it doesn’t work, tell your child to do something else so that the bullying doesn’t escalate.
• Don’t encourage your child to fight the bully.
• Tell your child it is not her fault and that she did the right thing by telling you.
• Ask your child what she thinks should be done. What has she tried? What worked and what didn’t? Make it clear that she should never be ashamed to ask for help. Encourage your child to report the bullying to her teachers, guidance counselors, or other responsible adults.
• Teach your child to avoid situations when necessary. Tell him to avoid the bullies by taking different routes to and from school. Since it may only delay the bullying attempts, this approach should not be looked at as a long-term solution. Instead, it should be looked at in terms of safety–a way to avoid immediate harm.

If your child becomes withdrawn, depressed, or reluctant to go to school, or if you see a decline in performance, consultation with or intervention by a school counselor or guidance office, for example, may be needed. A child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional can help you, your child, other family members and school officials develop a plan to deal with the bullying. Seeking professional assistance early can lessen the risk of lasting emotional scars for your child.

When should an adult intervene?

If you observe a child being bullied, watch to see whether the child is able to handle the situation herself. Then talk to the victim and commend her for handling the situation well. You may also want to talk to the bully to express to him that his behavior was inappropriate.

However, if the victim is not able to handle the situation alone, intervene. Depending on the situation, you may want to discuss the bully’s action with his parents or a school official or both.

What can we do to help our child if he bullies others?

Although we don’t like to think that our child could be a bully, we must face reality if it happens. Here are some suggestions for parents and caregivers responsible for a child who is bullying others.

• Make sure your child isn’t witnessing violence between members of your family. Modeling aggressive behavior at home can lead to violence by the child against others at school and later on in life.
• Talk to your child, his teachers and school administrators. Children who bully try to deny or minimize their wrongdoings. Cooperate with the school to help change your child’s aggressive behavior. Talk frequently with teachers and administrators to find out how he’s doing in changing his behavior.
• Make it clear that bullying will not be tolerated. Tell your child you will not allow such actions, and state the consequences. If the problem occurs at school, tell him that you respect the school’s right to punish him if it persists.
• Have your child walk in the victim’s shoes. Discuss how it feels to be bullied. How would he feel if it happened to him?
• Increase your supervision of your child’s activities and whereabouts. Find out who he’s associating with. Spend time with him and set reasonable rules for and limits on activities.
• Praise (lots of it!) the efforts your child makes toward becoming non-violent and responsible.

If your child is bullying others, it is important to seek help for him as soon as possible. Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional, and legal problems for the bully as well as for the victim. Talk to your child’s principal and teachers, school counselor, and pediatrician or family physician. If the bullying continues, have your child evaluated by a children’s psychiatrist or other mental health professional Such an evaluation can help you and your child understand what’s behind the bullying and develop a plan to stop it.

Conclusion

Bullying is a serious problem that can drastically affect the ability of children to progress academically, emotionally, and socially. Children who bully or are bullied often need intensive support and intervention. An intervention program that involves all–students, parents and school staff–ensures that all children can learn to cooperate in a safe and fear-free environment. When everyone works together to discourage bullying and responds to incidents, the surroundings become more positive, and everyone feels safer.

Online resources
A fact sheet from About Our Kids: www.aboutourkids.org/articles/bullies.html

University of Nebraska-Lincoln (fact sheet): www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/nf309.htm

Acknowledgments
The authors are grateful to the following colleagues for their contributions and suggestions.
Dede Baker Director of the Child Development Center, MSU – Bozeman
Rae Lynn Benson Lincoln County Extension Agent
Janis Bullock Associate Professor, Montana State University – Bozeman
Cameron Clark Madison/Jefferson County Extension Agent
Sheila Fredrich Sheridan County Extension Agent
Wes Gibbs Judith Basin County Extension Agent
Phyllis Hansen Yellowstone County Expanded Nutrition Education Program
Steve Hutton Pondera County Extension Agent
Harold Johns Silver Bow County Extension Agent
Sandra Osborne Associate Professor, Montana State University – Bozeman
Bobbie Roos Daniels County Extension Agent
Jane Wolery Choteau County Extension Agent

Standing up to Bullies, Travel in Groups, Stop School Violence

Middle school is tough enough without having to deal with bullies. You have the right to go to school in a place where you feel safe. People who physically (by using their bodies) or verbally (with their words) abuse you are bullies. If you feel threatened by someone at your school it’s time to take action. The ideas below are from people your age who have been bullied. None of the ideas they shared were easy to put into action. Each person showed incredible courage, but their courage paid off. The bullying stopped and they were able to feel safe again.

How do I deal with bullies?

That’s enough! Bullies will continue to abuse you until someone says, “that’s enough.” If you can’t say the words, than tell someone who can. All bullies are the same no matter how old they are. Unless someone tells them to stop they believe what they are doing is ok.

Travel with a group. Bullies like to take advantage of their victims when they are alone. When you are with a group bullies lose their courage because they are afraid of what the group could do if they chose to stand up and take action.

Ask for help. If you feel like you can’t go to a friend or adult and verbally ask them for help, try writing a short note that names the bully and what you don’t like about the way you are being treated. Remember, nothing changes unless someone knows you need help. Teachers are more aware of bullies now than they have been in the past, so think about asking a teacher for help.

Violence isn’t the solution. You may have heard about people in middle school and high school, who used violence to stop a bully. Using violence puts everyone in danger, including you. If you are thinking about hurting someone remember how you felt about being abused. Don’t become a bully yourself.

What we know about bullies

• Bullies like to take advantage of people who don’t stand up for themselves. They look for people who won’t say or do anything to stop them.
• Bullies want to make people feel afraid because they often feel afraid too.
• Bullies fear being disliked and abused. Some bullies have themselves, been abused by their classmates or by adults.
• Bullies fear being made fun of by their friends. They pick on other people so their friends will think they are cool.
• Bullies need a group of friends to continue. When bullies lose their friends they stop.
• Bullies need your help if they are going to learn how to stop. Take action and stop bullies from hurting other kids.

By Brenda High, Director, Bully Police USA

Contrary to what many people believe, bullying is an adult problem, not a child’s problem.  Adults are entirely to blame for bullying in our schools because they do not stop it.  Bullies bully because they can, and because they can get away with it and adults decide when, and who will get away with bullying.

Bullying is not a “part of growing up” or even “boys will be boys” problem.  Bullying is an adult believing that its “part of growing up” and an adult believing “that boys will be boys”.

Adults who did not experience severe bullying may excuse a bully by saying, “Back in my day, bullying was just something we all had to go through to make us tougher.”  These adults show a lazy or uneducated attitude towards bullying.  The children under their care are living in a risky and unsafe environment where bullying will be excused and tolerated.

Some others might say, “Back in my day, bullying wasn’t that bad.”  There is some merit to this belief.  Thirty-five years ago, we did not have “classes” on how to bully, by way of violent television and movies, raunchy comedy, sexually degrading pornography, violent video games and cyberbullying on the internet.

We adults need to change our attitudes about bullying.  Whatever is unacceptable behavior in the adult world is unacceptable behavior in a child’s world.  If an adult were bullied at work, for example, there could be repercussions for that type of behavior, which may include the bully being fired, disciplined, or even a lawsuit.  In addition, if the bullied worker chooses not to do anything, they could leave their job and go to work somewhere else.  Under the same conditions, could a bullied child have his or her bully fired or easily decide to leave school?  This has proven to be unlikely.

At some time in our life, we will all be touched by an act of bullying or the aftereffects of bullying.   Suicide, (“bullycide”), depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, serious emotional and physical illnesses; these are just some of the things that can be caused from bullying.  Bullying is leaving a wake of victims, (who become bullying survivors), all over the country.  In addition, many of these survivors will suffer the emotional consequences of bullying all their lives.

Bullying and abuse in our schools will only be removed from our schools by the combined effort of many concerned and compassionate individuals, through parental teachings, social education (inside the classroom) and financial means.

Education is the key to every successful action we achieve in our individual lives, but when a group is educated, they gain synergy in a powerful movement.  Communities, teachers, parents and students must build a consistent, planned program to educate schools and classrooms about the dangers of bullying because all children deserve to go to school to learn in a peaceful and safe environment.

Some of the things we must do as educators and parents are to:
• Have a plan of action to educate students and communities about bullying
• Select programs to teach about the consequences of bullying
• Prepare students to react and take action when they see bullying
• Focus attention on good behavior – Seize the teaching moments
• Teach that bullying will not be tolerated
• Be consistent, persistent and diligent in the resolve to stop bullying
• Teach victims of bullying that they have the power to empower themselves, and
• Teach bullies that they have the power to change, thus empowering themselves

I, and Bully Police USA, challenge all who wish to make a difference, for the one child, or many children, being bullied, by participating in BULLYING PREVENTION EDUCATION WEEK, October 17 through 21, 2005.

Only through a colaberative effort will adults face the problem of bullying and change the attitudes of those who work and serve our children in our schools.

by Jamie Littlefield

Bullying can bring fear and hopelessness into the life of an innocent child. Sadly, many caregivers and bystanders don’t act when they see a child getting bullied on the playground or in their neighborhood. Such inaction can mean misery for children who are subjected to bullying on a regular basis.

Victims of bullying are more likely to struggle in their classes, decrease their participation at school, and drop out before graduation. Adults that were bullied as children are more prone to depression and anxiety. They are three times more likely to consider suicide than their peers.

Imagine working in an office where bullying is tolerated. A co-worker who is stronger than you may distract you from your job, spread vicious rumors about you, take your possessions, threaten you, or openly mock you with the intention of causing you pain. When you explain the abuse to your boss, the response is clear: “You need to stop complaining and work this out together.” You are punished for being a “tattletale.” Most adults wouldn’t put up with this sort of treatment at work, yet victimized children are commonly expected to confront their abusers on their own and with no way to defend themselves.

In learning how to communicate with each other, it’s natural for children to argue among friends, experience anger or frustration, and “play fight.” But, bullying is different. A bully harasses and degrades a victim for the sole purpose of causing pain. Constant name calling, threats, physical abuse, and gossip can leave a child seriously hurt and depressed. These victimized children don’t have the power to stop the bullying. They need your help.

In just fifteen minutes you can help stop bullying in your community by learning how to recognize bullying, educating others, and intervening to stop children from being harmed by bullies.

• Learn how to recognize bullying: Educate yourself on how to recognize the signs of bullying and what you can do to prevent kids from being bullied. Learn to tell the difference between bullying and harmless childhood play.
• Help educate others: Spread the word by talking to the people in your community who have the power to put an end to bullying. Here are a few groups you may want to visit or call:

Your family: If you have kids, teach them that bullying is wrong. Use the government resources provided for bullied kids and bullied teens to help them come up with a plan for what to do if they experience bullying as a victim or an observer.

Your friends and neighbors: Take a few minutes to share this bullying information with people in your neighborhood. Encourage adults and children to speak up and stop bullying wherever they see it.

Your local schools: StopBullying.gov has a wealth of free anti-bullying material aimed at helping teachers, school administrators, and students recognize and prevent school bullying. Print some of the school bullying articles and give them to your local school district or email officials the link. You may also want to suggest that school children take the Anti-bullying Pledge from Bullying.org and that schools institute an online bully reporting program similar to the one used by Hillsborough County Public Schools in Florida.

• Stop bullying when you see it: By now, you know what to do. The next time you see an innocent child being victimized by a bully, don’t let the abuse continue. Your actions to stop bullying will help victimized children have hope again and will pave the way for others to stop letting senseless bullying harm young lives.

As school will be opening, unfortunately we may start hearing about the ugliness of bullying and teasing of kids.  Many, if not most, schools have employed an anti-bullying policies and programs.  But what happens if they don’t work?

A special guest post from Blair Wagner of A Way Through helps sort through this dilemma.

Why Anti-bullying Programs Miss the Mark

As I direct my focus to a new school year about to begin, I reflect back on the past school year and the approaches I’ve seen schools take to address school bullying among their students and their staff.  The one that really misses the mark is starting an anti-bullying program.

It is common for us to see something we don’t like and to join an anti-[fill in the blank] campaign.  We talk about, write about, and complain about how bad it is.  Our focus is on resisting the thing we don’t like, in this case bullying.  We push against it.  And that’s the problem.

What We Resist Persists

There’s an old saying: What we resist persists. Put another way, when we are negative about an issue, we perpetuate or spread negativity.

When we jump on the anti-bullying bandwagon, our attention, energy and focus are on the negativity of bullying. From this place of negativity, we lack emotional access to positive solutions. The anti name has a persistent negative influence.

As an alternative to a dooms day attitude or an angry approach, a more effective option is to recognize the bullying we see.  Name it.  Be curious about it.  Look at it from several angles.  But don’t stay stuck there.

Once we’ve gotten clear on what we are seeing and where it is coming from, work to clarify what we DO want. We want better social skills, social competence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, healthy friendships, a positive culture, a positive climate, and positive role models.

A Springboard to Create a Replacement of Bullying Behavior

This positive focus gives us a springboard to create what we want.

Once we know what we want in bullying prevention, our job is to provide structures, training, and ongoing support for our students and for our school staff – all based on a focus of creating what we want, not on stopping what we don’t want.
Let’s replace those anti-bullying posters (of kids bullying or being bullied) with posters representing healthy friendships and acts of kindness. Start social skills training early. Put forth positive examples, language and visuals everywhere to influence your students in a positive way!

Students who bully others tend to have difficulties with other relationships, such as those with friends and parents. Targeting those relationships, as well as the problems children who bully have with aggression and morality, may offer ideas for intervention and prevention.

Those are the findings of a new study that was conducted by scientists at York University and Queens University.  The researchers looked at 871 students (466 girls and 405 boys) for seven years from ages 10 to 18. Each year, they asked the children questions about their involvement in bullying or victimizing behavior, their relationships, and other positive and negative behaviors.

Bullying is a behavior that most children engage in at some point during their school years, according to the study. Almost a tenth (9.9 percent) of the students said they engaged in consistently high levels of bullying from elementary through high school. Some 13.4 percent said they bullied at relatively high levels in elementary school but dropped to almost no bullying by the end of high school. Some 35.1 percent of the children said they bullied peers at moderate levels. And 41.6 percent almost never reported bullying across the adolescent years.

The study also found that children who bullied tended to be aggressive and lacking in a moral compass and they experienced a lot of conflict in their relationships with their parents. In addition, their relationships with friends also were marked by a lot of conflict, and they tended to associate with others who bullied.

The findings provide clear direction for prevention of persistent bullying problems, according to Debra Pepler, Distinguished Research Professor of Psychology at York University and Senior Associate Scientist at the Hospital for Sick Children. Pepler, who is the study’s lead author, calls bullying “a relationship problem.”

“Interventions must focus on the children who bully, with attention to their aggressive behavior problems, social skills, and social problem-solving skills. A focus on the child alone is not sufficient. Bullying is a relationship problem that requires relationship solutions by focusing on the bullying children’s strained relationships with parents and risky relationships with peers,” according to Pepler. “By providing intensive and ongoing support starting in the elementary school years to this small group of youth who persistently bully, it may be possible to promote healthy relationships and prevent their ‘career path’ of bullying that leads to numerous social-emotional and relationship problems in adolescence and adulthood.”

Behavioural and emotional dispositions

Many of us have the potential to bully. Our emotional and behavioural dispositions to bully are very much determined by childhood experiences.

Behavioural dispositions

Research has shown that bullies tend to come from homes in which early relationships were battles of power. Bullies learn how to dominate, control others and put them down. As adults they tend to assume workplace relationships are based on these behaviours.

If children come from nurturing homes they are less likely to bully; however traumas in adult life can also influence our potential to become bullies.

Emotional dispositions

Lack of boundary setting/emotional insecurity

If boundaries (see definitions) are not set in early years of childhood, a child can find no limits for his/her behaviour and emotions. This results in an expanding elation, grandiosity and illusion that ‘the world is all mine’. That child lacks the opportunity to learn to contain and work through anxieties in a secure environment. In adult life, he/she will spend time testing others to check that they can be depended on and controlled.

Searching for recognition

With a lack of boundary setting in childhood, adult bullies do not have secure feelings about who they are, their ‘true’ selves (see definitions). They constantly search for recognition for themselves from colleagues (see definitions).

Lack of empathy

Research findings show that bullies may be able to read the emotional responses of others but lack empathy – that ability to relate to the feelings of others.

Inconsistency

As bullies lack emotional control their behaviour tends to be inconsistent. They are charming to some colleagues and evil to others. Their demands are also often inconsistent e.g. changing their minds at the last minute.

These behavioural and emotional dispositions create difficulties in the workplace for the bully and for his/her colleagues. It is not only victims who are affected by bullying. Engagement with work and well-being of employees, who are aware of the bullying, also deteriorates. Research evidence, gathered over many years, shows that in organisations where there is bullying, outputs fall.

The Covert Tactics Used When Girls Bully

From Mike Hardcastle, former About.com Guide

Most studies about bullying focus on boys as aggressors but girls can be bullies too and when girls bully it can be an entirely different beast. When we think of bullying we tend to think of physical violence and outward taunting but when girls bully their tactics are often quiet and covert.

Girls Who Bully Can Be Hard to Recognize

From the outside looking in it can be hard to tell a group of girls who are bullying apart from a group of girls who are innocently standing around. Girls socialize differently than boys. As girls get older their peer interactions become less physical and more cerebral. Girls engage in verbal bonding by sharing stories, hopes, and dreams. Since girls bond differently than boys it makes sense that when they bully it would be different too.

Teachers and parents tend to talk about the obvious when they talk about bullying. Playground scuffles, name calling, stealing personal items and damaging property are commonly cited examples of bullying behavior. But when girls bully they aren’t so obvious. Girls can be quietly vicious with their victims and adults often fail to treat their behavior as bullying.

Girls and Boys Do Not Bully the Same Ways

The tactics used by girls who bully are distorted versions of some normal mechanisms of social development. According to research done by Lagerspetz, Bjorqvist and Peltonen at the University of Miami, when girls bully they use things like alienation, ostracism, deliberate and calculated random exclusions, and spreading of rumors to harass their peers.

Girls get other kids to gang up on one or more peers as a way of exerting control. Sometimes they incite other children to act out aggressively and sit back to watch the show. They form groups that pick and choose members at random and exclude others without real reason. They form alliances with other social groups in an effort to jockey for popularity and positions of power among peers. All too often the bullying tactics used by girls are brushed off as cruel but normal social interactions.

In Girls, Bullying Behaviors and Peer Relationships: The Double Edged Sword of Exclusion and Rejection, Barbara Leckie explains how bullying by girls manifests itself and how it is handled by adults. Leckie went over numerous studies dating back as far as 1980 and identified the many different ways that girls bully. She also found that adults were slower to react to the bullying tactics used by girls.

Adults Can Be Slow to React to Girls Who Bully

If there is violence or physical acting out of any sort adults are quick to intervene and when necessary will punish offenders, but when the bullying takes on a less obvious form even adults don’t seem to know what to do. When girls bully it often goes unaddressed. Since adults don’t always label the tactics used by girls as bullying kids who fall victim don’t know where to turn for help.

The mindset still exists that not all kids can be friends and the social structure of the school system encourages the formation of groups and reinforces the idea of social hierarchies. This makes many adults slow to recognize things like exclusion and alienation as something sinister. These behaviors are often dismissed as an unfortunate part of the normal formation of peer groups.

While it is normal for girls and boys to form social groups and close bonds with certain people at the exclusion of others it becomes bullying when those groups make power plays over other groups or individuals. Having friends is one thing; having friends who work to make others feel that they are not good enough to be included is another. Playing the popularity game in a way that causes fear or inadequacy in others is a form of bullying and it is a common tactic used by girls.

Girls Bully in Packs

Sadly, good kids who know better go along with these types of popularity power games for fear of being singled out and cast out of the group. Since adults often treat this exclusionary behavior as mere social clashing kids who are caught in the middle are afraid to stand up to the bully. It seems easier to do nothing than it does to do the right thing.

Kids who quietly go along with a bully add to the bully’s power by giving victims the illusion that the bully has peer support. The victim feels like everybody is against them, not just the bully. When adults do not address exclusionary behavior the same way they would address more traditionally forms of bullying it worsens the problem. Kids who know better feel powerless to do the right thing when adults don’t react.

Girls who bully will pick on boys as well as other girls. They act out as consistently as boys who bully and pick their targets in much the same way. While girls have been known to get violent when they bully it is much more common for them to use emotional tactics.

How Girls Bully

Girls bully by using emotional violence. They do things that make others feel alienated and alone. Some of the tactics used by girls who bully include:

• anonymous prank phone calls or harassing emails from dummy accounts
• playing jokes or tricks designed to embarrass and humiliate
• deliberate exclusion of other kids for no real reason
• whispering in front of other kids with the intent to make them feel left out
• name calling, rumor spreading and other malicious verbal interactions
• being friends one week and then turning against a peer the next week with no incident or reason for the alienation
• encouraging other kids to ignore or pick on a specific child
• inciting others to act out violently or aggressively

Boys are not the only bullies, girls bully too. Being singled out, ridiculed, excluded, or alienated is a form of bullying. Being beaten up emotionally on a daily basis does damage to the victims. It is time that the problem was addressed for what it is, a gender difference in bullying but bullying none-the-less.

Kids with learning or attention problems can be easy prey for bullies. An expert tells you how to recognize the signs that your child is being bullied.

By Marlene Snyder, Ph.D

Bullies! Every classroom has at least one. Whose name comes to mind when you hear the word “bully” ? Who was the kid who could upset your day with his verbal, physical, or emotional insults? Most adults who were bullied remember such childhood events vividly.

Bullying among elementary school children and teenagers is a growing problem in many schools in the United States. It’s happening in urban, suburban, and rural schools. Kids who have learning disabilities (LD) or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) are especially vulnerable to bullying problems.

While bullying isn’t new, professionals today have a new level of understanding of the problem. Bullying is a learned behavior that can be prevented! Effective bullying prevention programs are being used in progressive school systems throughout the country. It’s important for parents, students, teachers, and school administrators to understand and learn to manage bullying that occurs at school and elsewhere.

What is Bullying?

“A student is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative acts on the part of one or more other students. It is a negative action when someone intentionally inflicts, or attempts to inflict, injury or discomfort upon another,” says Dan Olweus, a prominent researcher on bullying behaviors. Bullying may involve physical aggression such as fighting, shoving, or kicking; verbal aggression such as name calling; or more subtle acts such as socially isolating another child. With the increase in numbers of personal computers at home, youth have also learned to use email and websites to bully or harass others.

It is important for adults and youth to understand the difference* between bullying and normal conflict.

Why Focus on Bullying?

Given the rising concern about violent crime among youth, parents, schools, and communities are concerned about reducing “bullying” behaviors because:

• Persistent bullying can leave long-term scars (e.g., low self-esteem, depression) on victims. Some victims of bullying may turn to violent means of retaliation. Some severely bullied victims have tried suicide as a means to escape their tormentors.
• Students who bully others are especially likely to engage in other antisocial and delinquent behaviors such as vandalism, shoplifting, truancy, and illicit drug use. This antisocial behavior pattern often will continue into young adulthood.
• Bullying may contribute to a negative school social climate that is not conducive to good social relationships or learning. Everyone is affected by bullying, even those not directly involved in the conflict. Youth who are “bystanders” often watch bullying but don’t intervene, because they don’t know what to do and may fear retaliation from the bully.
• Bullying is a widespread problem among school children. Surveys of 4th-6th graders in several states indicate that 25 percent of all children had been bullied at least “several times” within a two-month period; about 10 percent had been bullied at least once per week. One in five (20 percent) children reported having taken part in bullying other students at least “several times” within the last two months.

Profile of a Bully

Boys and girls who bully do not have low self-esteem as was once thought. Bullies, in fact, may be average students or even classroom or athletic leaders. At school, bullies typically tease and taunt their victims repeatedly in a nasty way. They intimidate, make fun of, and ridicule other students. They shove, hit, kick, and push their victims around, often damaging the victim’s belongings. It is common for some bullies to manipulate other kids to do their “dirty work” for them while they stay in the background and watch. Youth who do the bullying for others are referred to as “henchmen.” In such cases, it can be difficult to see who the bully really is.

Bullies usually select weaker and relatively defenseless students as their targets. They have a strong need to dominate and subdue other students, to assert themselves with power and threat, and to get their own way. They may brag about their actual or imagined superiority over other students. They may be hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and have low frustration tolerance. Bullies are seen as being tough, hardened, and having little empathy with students who are victimized. When confronted about their behavior, they are likely to try to talk themselves out of situation by denying they did anything wrong. Bullies often to try to place blame on their victims, saying something like, “They deserved it.”

Profile of a Victim

Typical victims are children who can be overpowered (physically, mentally, or emotionally) by the bully. They are usually more anxious and unsure of themselves than other students. These children often have a negative attitude toward violence and the use of violence in dealing with others. Victims usually suffer from low self-esteem and view themselves negatively. They often consider themselves failures and feel stupid, ashamed, and unattractive. They may come to believe that they “deserve” to be bullied. They are often lonely, friendless, and abandoned at school.

In his pioneering research on bullying behaviors, Dr. Dan Olweus has described two types of victims:

The Passive or Submissive Victim

• Is nonassertive and through his actions may signal to others that he is insecure and won’t retaliate if attacked or insulted
• Is cautious, quiet, or anxious
• Cries easily and collapses quickly when bullied
• Has few friends and isn’t connected to a social network
• Lacks humor and pro-social skills
• May be physically weak

The Provocative Victim

• Is both anxious and aggressive
• May cause irritation and disruption around him
• Is easily emotionally aroused
• Prolongs the conflict even when losing

**The above profiles have been adapted from

Bullying at School.

How Bullying Affects Kids with Learning Disabilities and AD/HD

If your child has a learning or attention problem, he may easily become involved in bullying situations. Let’s take a look at some of the reasons for this:

• People often assume that kids with AD/HD are bullies because of their hyperactive, impulsive, aggressive, or demanding nature. According to a national survey on school discipline conducted by Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), about 32 percent of kids with AD/HD are “egged on” by their peers to act out and get into trouble. The study found that many youth with AD/HD were victims of bullies, but when they reacted to the bully, they were punished for poor behavior and the bully was not. Without understanding the dynamics of a bullying situation, adults can further “victimize” the victims of bullying.
• Victims of bullies (especially boys) are often physically weak, over-sensitive, and have poor social skills and low self-esteem. This describes many kids with LD or AD/HD.
• Many kids with hyperactive/impulsive AD/HD are provocative victims because they annoy and over-react to bullies.
• Kids who are victimized often learn to get what they need by becoming bullies themselves. In fact, about 16 percent of kids will act as both a bully and a victim at one time or another.

Gender Differences in Bullying

Most scientific research on bullying has focused on boys. Books that address bullying in girls are starting to appear, but most are written from the personal experience of the authors rather than from scientific research projects. New studies are underway that will help us better understand the dynamics of gender differences in bullying. This is what is currently understood about gender differences in bullying:

• Boys tend to bully with direct physical or verbal aggression.
• Bullying by girls is more difficult to observe. Girls tend to bully with indirect or “sneaky” means of harassment such as social isolation or covert aggression such as spreading rumors or manipulating the friendship relations within the class (e.g., depriving a girl of her “best friend” ).
• Boys who bully tend to be older than their victims (whether the victims are boys or girls).
• Girl bullies tend to target other girls who are the same age.
• Girls are more likely to be bullied by a group, which is emotionally devastating.
• Girls are more likely to involve both boys and girls in their bullying pursuits against a victim.
• Boys identify their aggressive behaviors against victims as “bullying” more often than girls.

Adult Intervention is Key

For most children, bullying experiences will be nothing more than an unpleasant childhood memory. But for those who are more severely bullied, the pain runs deep. Because their days and weeks are filled with fear, humiliation, and pain inflicted by bullies, they find it difficult to concentrate and participate in class. Kids who are bullied are often absent from school. They are lonely and may become depressed or lash out at their bullies in violent ways.

Bullies who are not stopped are more likely to have criminal records in young adulthood than youth who don’t bully. Bullying, therefore, is a serious problem for both the bully and the victim. Both bullies and victims need positive adult intervention to make the bullying stop. Remember that bullying is a learned behavior that can – with adult intervention – be prevented or stopped!

Whether your child is a bully, victim, or bystander, there are steps you can take to coach him toward more positive behavior.