Bully Prevention

The following video was posted on Facebook originally, and is beginning to cause quite a stir.

Writes the poster on Facebook, Merlsification: “The larger kid on the right, is my son’s friend Casey – thankfully they don’t go to the same school. Poor Casey has been bullied his whole high school life, and this is what happens when he snaps!! But guess who was suspended in this scenario – Casey!!”

The bullied kid who fought back already has his own Facebook support page.

By AISHA SULTAN
St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Most kids never report getting bullied. Not to their parents or school. Jackie Humans, author of “15 Ways to ZAP a Bully!” shared these five steps for parents to educate and arm their children before it gets out of hand.

Step 1: Kids don’t report getting bullied for lots of reasons but the biggest reason may be the saddest: targets of bullying almost always blame themselves. Parents should bring up the subject of bullying by making it clear that NO ONE deserves to be bullied, no matter how imperfect or flawed they may be. Not even bullies deserve to be bullied.

Point out a universal truth: bullies do what they do because it makes them feel good. And anyone who takes pleasure out of being mean to another person deserves our pity. Because taking joy from hurting someone else is as low as you can go as a human being, and anyone who does that must be very, very damaged on the inside.

Casting the bully in the light of someone people should feel sorry for lets a child begin to think of the bully as the one who has a major problem, not them. This realization does two things: first, it helps kids to stop responding in an angry or upset way, which is the kind of reaction bullies thrive on, and secondly, it makes room in your child’s brain to start viewing the bullying in a dispassionate, intellectual way. Reaching this stage of the game is literally half the battle.

Step 2: Remind your child how important it is to be aware of the power of their body language. Kids should be reminded that what they say isn’t anywhere near as important as the way they say it.

When standing up to a bully, appearances count for everything. The statement, “You think you’re cool but you’re just a bully!” won’t deter a bully if the speaker has hunched shoulders, fails to make eye contact, or is using a whiny tone of voice. Bullies can spot the kind of body language that telegraphs, “I’m not feeling sure of myself.”

On the other hand, a child who stands just a little too close to the bully, with their shoulders squared, and making strong eye contact while saying, “Watch it!” is going to make a much stronger impression on the bully, even though their actual words may not be particularly eloquent.

Step 3: When kids come up with their own ideas for deflating bullies, they’re not only more likely to remember them, they’re more likely to implement them, too. Now that your child understands how important body language is, help them come up with their own comebacks.

Start by brainstorming together with a “no holds barred” approach. Encourage them to suggest as many responses as they can before you start winnowing down the unsuitable ones. The ones that make the grade are safe to use, aren’t terribly hurtful, and are easy to recall.

If your child has trouble getting started, it’s OK to suggest simple responses such as, “So?” When a target just keeps repeating, “So?” while looking bored, it’s demoralizing for the bully because now they’re the one who’s starting to look pretty uncool.

Step 4: Practice role-playing games with your child by taking the role of the target while your child takes the role of the bully. This approach has two advantages: First, kids feel reluctant to take the role of the target when they aren’t very good at it yet. And second, the best way to learn something is to teach it to someone else.

Make sure you let your child know that you’re depending on them to point out any mistakes you might make, whether it’s forgetting to make eye contact, whining, or slouching. By being the kind of target who makes every mistake in the book, you’re affording your child many opportunities for learning how not to respond to a bully.

When your child has ‘mastered’ what not to do, then you can safely switch roles. Remember: nothing improves a child’s hearing like praise.

Step 5: Sometimes a bullying situation has gone on so long that your child simply doesn’t have enough self- confidence to confront the bully without help from an adult. That’s why it’s an excellent idea to teach your child the five W’s of reporting bullying: who, what, when, where, and most importantly, witnesses.

When schools can corroborate a student’s claims of being bullied by independently and discreetly interviewing bystanders who saw what happened, it’s no longer a question of expecting the school to take your child’s word against the bully’s.

Written by
Claudine Ewing

BUFFALO, NY – Bullying – it’s a topic parents, teachers and students are discussing across the nation and in Western New York.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional.

2 On Your Side’s Claudine Ewing discussed the topic at length with students; how it happens, the impact it has on students, and the ways it’s being combated in one local school district.

Alyssa says, “it’s not the traditional give me your lunch money, it’s more dirty looks and two word horrible slurs, just mean things.”

Elizabeth is only 10-years-old and says, “I’ve been bullied now for a while now since kindergarten until now and it really hurt me and I don’t want anyone else getting hurt. It doesn’t feel good to get bullied. It makes you feel like no one appreciates you and it makes you feel like you’re unwanted.”

Child and Family Services has a Bullying Prevention Program that is in place in the Cheektowaga-Sloan Schools. Elementary school students are taught how to handle bullies and why they shouldn’t bully.

In most cases, bullying is repeated over time. Traditionally, bullying has involved actions such as: hitting or punching (physical bullying), teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying). In recent years, technology has given children and youth a new means of bullying each other, it is called cyber-bullying.

Stop Bullying Now is an initiative of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to help students and parents. There are several tips on how to intervene and react on the spot to bullying.

If you are being bullied….

-Reach Out: Tell an adult. Sometimes you may have to tell more than one trusted adult. Ask your friends to help you.

-Be Cool in the Moment: Stay calm and confident. Don’t show the bully that you’re sad or mad. Ignore the bully and walk away. Fighting back can make bullying worse.

-Change the School Community: Work with others to stop bully behavior.

If you witness bullying…

-Interrupt It: Stand next to, or speak up for, the person being bullied.
Ask the bully to stop. Comfort the person being bullied and offer friendship.

-Get Help: Walk away and get help.

If you are the bully…

-Make a Commitment to Change: Talk to an adult, like a teacher or parent, about how to get along with others. Ask a friend to help you stop your bully behavior. Apologize to the kids you have bullied.

-Focus on Empathy and Responsibility: Think about what it feels like to be bullied — would you want to be treated that way?

-Change Your Behavior: Resist peer pressure to bully.
If you start to bully, walk away and find something else to do.
Remember: You don’t have to like everyone around you, but you have to treat everyone with respect.

According to the CDC, youth violence refers to harmful behaviors that may start early and continue into young adulthood.

Written by
Andrew Scherer

St. Peters, MO (KSDK) – Bullying among children and teens is being called an epidemic by some. President Obama, even released an anti-bullying message after several suicides among youths were reported last fall.

A world champion fighter from St. Charles County is trying to kick this problem. Jermaine Andre runs Andre’s MMA Academy in St. Peters.

“MMA” stands for mixed martial arts. You’ve probably seen those cage match fights on TV featuring two people using all sorts of different techniques like hand to hand combat, kicking and other moves.

Despite the violent nature of the sport, Andre says it’s the perfect sport to curb bullying.

One of his students, Travis Callahan, 13, says there was a time he used his size to bully others in school.

“I had a little group, we go around picking on other kids,” said Callahan.

But that’s in the past, now he’s a teen with manners.

Alex Dobson says there was a time when he was bullied in school, a kid with low self esteem. But now, he’s a confident person.

He has just made a 180, he’s going down the right road,” said Dobson’s mom. She adds Alex has drastically changed since she enrolled him in the classes.

Andre says the anti bullying message doesn’t come in the fighting, rather the training.

“We teach you how to protect yourself, we teach you how to stay calm, teach you how to think correctly, teach you how to be respectful,” said Andre.

He’s combining those teachings into a two hour anti-bullying class for kids ages five to 12.

“I’m here to teach you on how to not be bullied and how to not become a bully,” added Andre.

He designed the program with help from a panel comprised of parents, an MMA fighter and a police officer. The two hour class talks about reporting bullying behavior to an adult and avoiding confrontations. The kids meditate and learn self defense techniques.

“I’m not teaching kids to hit and hurt, but I am teaching them if someone grabs them in a chokehold how to get lose,” said Andre.

He promotes his class does two things: builds confidence and gives the kids a sense of belonging to a group where they’re respected. He also doesn’t want to know if the kids in his class are bullies or the one’s being bullied because he says that gives them a label.

“The guy who is the bully, we can still save him, ‘look man, you have all this strength and all this power, you should be leading and helping people instead of trying to hurt and destroy people. You can be somebody, you mean I can be somebody, yeah, and now we are going to show you how,” said Andre.

Dad tells of fears for son,12

A SCHOOLBOY says he is being driven to suicide by cruel bullies’ sadistic attacks.

Stewart Collins, 12, was held down by four other pupi s and had his ears rubbed with sandpaper until they bled in one assault.

And at a crisis meeting with senior teachers, Stewart told them he is suicidal because of the campaign of hate, fuelled in part because he is originally from England.

Stewart Collins has been subjected to cruel taunts at Caldervale High in Airdrie, Lanarkshire, for months.
But his tormentors have stepped up their campaign with physical attacks.

And Stewart has begun to self-harm, hitting his head off walls and scratching himself because he is so traumatised by what has been happening and what he fears will happen in the future.

Now his desperate mum Sara, 43, and stepdad Robert Warren, 45, have taken him out of school.

Last Monday, Sheff ieldborn Stewart, who moved to Scotland with his family four years ago, was targeted as he walked home near a road.

He was pushed to the ground and had his satchel thrown in front of a car.

Stewart said last night: “I told the teachers I don’t trust them because they say they will get it to stop but it never does.

“I can’t sleep at night because I don’t know what is going to happen next.”

Robert said the school had refused to get involved in Monday’s attack because it did not happen at school.

He said: “Stewart is called an English b*****d and ridiculed at every turn.

“And we don’t know the full extent of it. It just can’t go on.”

Robert said two boys and two girls have been bullying Stewart but his request for them to be removed had been rejected.

He added:”If they won’t remove the bullies then they will need to supply a tutor.”

North Lanarkshire Council said: “We are aware of this case and are in discussion with the family.”

UNIVERSITY STUDY
BY ELIZABETH GIBSON

The TV show Glee might be a bit overdramatic in the way it depicts more-popular high-school students’ tossing slushies at glee-club members, but it has the general right idea.

Bullying has a lot to do with popularity, according a new study by the University of California at Davis.

The study suggests that bullying largely is motivated by a desire to climb the social ladder, as opposed to trying to compensate for trouble at home or other personal problems, as many assume.

“This is not to say that both things aren’t happening at once,” said Robert E. Faris, one of the study’s authors and an assistant sociology professor at UC. “But by and large, our study found that it was about social status, even more than demographics or socioeconomics.”

Other studies have estimated that bullying hurts as many as 5.7 million children in the U.S. each year.

A small percentage of popular kids at the very top of the social hierarchy tend to be less aggressive, probably because they’ve reached the top and have no need to bully, Faris’ study says. But other than that, the more popular students become, the more they act out. Boys were more prone to physical bullying than girls, who leaned more toward passive-aggressive acts and needling comments.

Those at the bottom of the food chain were less likely to bully, partly because they lack the clout with their fellow students to get away with it.

The study looked at 4,000 high-school students in North Carolina, mapping their relationships and bullying habits. Overall, most students weren’t aggressive.

Jim Bisenius, a bullying expert based in Pickerington, said the study might be an oversimplification, but it matches what he has seen in interviews with bullies and their victims. Bisenius runs Bully-Proofing Youth, which provides training to prevent bullying.

There are three types of bullies in his experience: spoiled children without a sense of limitations; neglected children who lash out for attention; and high-pressure achievers set on climbing the social ladder.

Social climbers are different from truly popular teenagers because they rely on control, intimidation and politics instead of genuine likability, Bisenius said. Girls will sometimes use fear of exclusion from the group to keep “followers” in line, and they’ll systematically break up friendships that threaten their authority.

“These kids think strategically like little chess players,” he said. “Their bullying is still based on insecurity, but it’s much more planned and plotted than I would ever have thought initially.”

Psychologists used to think that bullies tended to be children with poor social skills, but increasingly they’re realizing that the stereotypical image of a bulky kid stealing lunch money is outdated, said Kisha Radliff, an assistant professor of school psychology at Ohio State University.

Radliff said a lot of bullies are students who do well in school and seem sweet – when teacher isn’t looking.

The UC study is important, she said, because it gets the word out that there’s more than one factor in bullying.

If bullying is a matter of power, Faris said, he hopes adults will find ways to discourage students from letting aggression dictate a classmate’s status.

By PRISCILLA J. DUNSTAN
McClatchy-Tribune

Understanding what dominant sense your child is will make it easier to understand when they are being bullied and how to understand the signs. Being aware of behavioral exaggerations of their dominant sense, which may be different from your own, will help you gauge whether parental intervention is necessary, and what is manageable social interaction.

Tactile children will be most sensitive to physical bullying. They will be most upset by the pushes, shoves, the knocking of books out of one’s hands. They will feel helpless by their inability to fight back, and the injustice of the breaking of rules and their inability to leave the school environment. You may find that they will be more physical when they get home, fluctuating between throwing their school bag around and slamming doors; to wanting to cuddle while watching TV.

They will require more physical closeness from mom and dad, perhaps by wanting to do their homework next to you or asking you to take them to school. They may be resistant to wanting to be outside, although often by doing a physical activity together, you as the parent will be able to help them process the events more clearly.

Visual children will be most sensitive to the public nature of bullying. If it happens when other children are watching, or hearing what’s being said, the visual child will worry that others will believe it. They will be stung by comments about on appearance, weight, or the clothes they wear. You may find your child complaining about their nose, refusing to eat or dramatically changing the way they dress or style their hair. Since so much of their identity is tied up with how they look to others, it’s important to support them with changes to clothes, hair, etc. Make it clear that these changes are merely an artistic expression that will continue to change over time, and not a reflection on the good person they are underneath.

Taste and smell children will be completely overwhelmed by the intent of the bully. It is inconceivable to a taste and smell child that someone would intentionally set out to say or do something to hurt another’s feelings. They will try to rationalize the bully’s feelings, and become immersed and unable to concentrate on anything other than “why?” This obsessive thought process is the taste and smell child’s way of coping, so describing situations where you may have gone through a similar thing will be helpful. Unfortunately, all the intellectual understanding in the world won’t help stop some people from being nasty, and this is a lesson the taste and smell child will just have to learn.

Auditory children will be most affected by nasty comments, taunts, name-calling and, of course, tone. Being called a nasty name is far more upsetting to an auditory child than a shove in the corridor. The “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me” rhyme does not apply to an auditory child for them, words cause real pain.

An auditory child will need to repeatedly talk out what was said by the bully, in order to comprehend it. The fortunate thing is that you will know about the bullying, because they will tell you about it, over and over. Be aware that sometimes, simply telling the auditory child that he said the right thing is all that’s needed to feel better.

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor

Researchers have known that both boys and girls who are victims of bullying are at elevated risk for depression, including bullying online.

Now, a new study suggests that bullying-related depression among adolescent girls may lead to substance use.

As schools reopen following the holidays, the message to parents of adolescent girls is that bullying can have serious consequences,  according to researcher Jeremy Luk of the University of Washington.

“If your daughter is a victim of bullying, take it seriously, do all possible to prevent recurrence, and attend to possible depression and substance use,” he said. 

“For parents of boys who are bullied: Depression is still an issue, but it may not explain the relation between victimization and substance use.”

Luk, a doctoral student in child clinical psychology, reported his findings in the December issue of the journal Prevention Science.

His study is the first to identify depression as a possible link to the relation between victimization and substance use among adolescents. The findings are generalizable because they are based on data from a nationally representative sample of 1,495 tenth graders.

Luk’s research was based on data on bullying from the 2005/2006 U.S. Health Behavior in School-aged Children (HBSC).

“Bullying is a serious problem among adolescents. Previous research has shown that it is associated with loneliness, depression and suicide. But no previous national studies have identified depression as an explanation for the relationship between victimization from bullying and substance use,” Luk said.

The survey measured depression by asking 10th graders: how often in the past 30 days they: (1) were very sad; (2) were grouchy or irritable, or in a bad mood; (3) felt hopeless about the future; (4) felt like not eating or eating more than usual; (5) slept a lot more or a lot less than usual; and (6) had difficulty concentrating on their school work.

Responses were coded one to five: “never,” “seldom,” “sometimes,” “often,” and “always.” Substance use was measured by asking number of occasions in the past 30 days that adolescents had (1) smoked cigarettes; (2) drunk alcohol; (3) been drunk and (4) used marijuana.

For each item, four categories were created: “never,” “once or twice,” “three to five times” and “more than five times.”

Suffolk County State Legislative Majority Leader Jon Cooper (D-Lloyd Harbor) recently introduced two resolutions designed to combat the bullying and cyber-bullying of school children. A third resolution targets cyber-stalking of adults.

New York is one of seven states that does not have any anti-bullying statutes in place, although several bills are currently pending in the state senate and assembly. Whether or not anything will come of any of the proposals is anybody’s guess: anti-bullying legislation has been bandied about in New York’s legislature since 2000, reports the national watchdog group Bully Police, but nothing has yet emerged out of committee. For not passing any anti-bullying legislation, Bully Police gave New York an “F,” its lowest possible grade.

The impetus
Cooper’s impetus for introducing the resolutions was the result of a meeting he held several weeks ago with Annie and Ronald Isaacs and their daughter, Jamie, of Lake Grove. “This 14-year-old girl and her parents recounted relentless bullying the girl had experienced over a six-year period,” said Cooper. “According to the parents, there was physical and verbal harassment and vandalism, all which remained unchecked in spite of numerous meetings with school officials.“

Cooper heard similar stories of bullying and school administrators refusing to take action, although, he noted, many districts do have zero tolerance policies regarding bullying.

Onus is on the schools
Suffolk’s anti-bully legislation would make school officials, such as principals, accountable for repeated incidents of bullying on school grounds. Failure to investigate allegations or discipline students engaged in bullying behavior could subject school administrators to a civil fine of $1,000.00 for each violation.

The resolution defines bullying behavior as “any physical, verbal or psychological attacks or intimidation directed against a student who cannot properly defend him- or her- self, including but not limited to assaulting; tripping; shoving; threatening; intimidating; spreading rumors about another; isolating another; humiliating; demands for money; blackmailing; destruction of another’s property; theft of another’s valued possessions; destruction of another’s work; and name-calling.”

Stopping cyber-bullying
A second proposal makes it unlawful for anyone to “engage in cyber-bullying against a minor” in Suffolk County, with violators subject to a misdemeanor charge punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and/or a year in jail.

The resolution defines cyber-bullying as “engaging in a course of conduct or repeatedly committing acts of abusive behavior over a period of time, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, and which serve no legitimate purpose, by communicating or causing a communication to be sent by mechanical or electronic means, posting statements on the internet or through a computer network.”

According to Linda Guido, Cooper’s legislative aide, the earliest this will be voted on is June 22, 2010. For more information on the resolutions, contact Jon Cooper’s office at 631-854-4500.